I finally started my book. I have been etching into it with blogs and Tweets for a while now. So I felt I needed to steer away from blogs and more into my long-term writing. I have been carving out a groove of reading student survey results, fretting over the comments, listening to podcasts and Ted Talks and trying to make sense of what it means to be an educator. I am becoming a stronger listener- a skill I believed I was good at, only to realize I was much better at anticipating and prompting than actually listening.
I fret a lot- not just about the tumultuous times we are navigating through, but also am I a good educator, mother, wife? Am I truly present if I am contemplating my roles almost every second of the day? I have spent the last year gathering data from students with one-minute check in’s and survey’s but also by observing their mannerisms and how they interact with me. Students are fantastic fakers- they have learned to smile and say the right things. We have taught them that. But more so, social media influencers have demonstrated how to use your smile and facade to rise to the top.
The art of listening is a dying portrayal of humanity these days. Blue glows of computer intrigue-spotting the landscape. Most people head down, rather than up. Phone calls are now texts. Campfire and porch story-telling now Ted Talks and podcasts. We have lost the visual- the subtle stances and positions one takes as we are in conversation. We have lost the greater than 45 second monologues- to soundbites and scrolling. So we instead try to interpret our students based on the realism we face today- that of quick bursts and carefully worded bulletins.
I love feedback- negative but constructive as much as positive and helpful. I understand that the overly positive is often just as overdone as the hugely negative. At least in my situation. At my current school, students fill out surveys two times a quarter about their experiences with teachers and classroom learning. Then at the end of the quarter- you switch students. Every quarter (44 school days) you get a clean slate, a totally new classroom vibe to create. I struggle with this, but I also appreciate it. Quarter one just finished- my first- and now, come next week I will have new students.
The feedback is useful- I believe both for students- to have a voice and take responsibility for their learning. If you are not getting what you need as a student- you need to say something. But also for teachers, it can be skewed of course- the questions were not written or designed by teachers. But it is a helpful tool for reflection and growth. Sometimes students are brutally honest but in a good way, sometimes they are just mean (I haven’t seen this as of yet), and some are overly nice and sweet with little constructive advice. The reports we receive only show anonymous responses, our ranking against school averages, and our scores out of 5.
The first one I got was fair constructive advice. Nothing bad about me at all except for some of my strategies used in class. They were too advanced for some, confusing for others. Some said I showed too many video clips. Looking back, maybe so. So the next term I cut back. I changed my strategies. This last survey at the end of the term was more favorable- yet not everyone was positive. A few still had negative things to say about on-line classroom organization or having to read articles. You will never get 100% positive responses, but if by some chance you do, you have to look past the facade and know that not everyone responds with the truth. Not to say that no one deserves 100% perfect scores- but in reality, it just isn’t real is it?
Both times I received my survey reports, I fretted. I read the responses- yes they have room at the bottom to write comments- and I saw many “She is the best,” “I love her class,” “I felt safe and comfortable.” I did not get anything negative about how I treat students or listen to students or help support students. Mostly my criticisms came from the difficulty or organization style of my classroom. So I try to change accordingly. But, I went back to both surveys and re-read the comments. Looked deeper at the score of each question- and I tried to really understand their point of view. This survey is not about me entirely- it says a lot about them too.
Having the ability to read these reports is so important. Yet, uncomfortable and I can say it causes me stress. Not because I feel like a bad teacher, I know I am not. But, because I read them and I can remember a situation I was in- we were in as a class- where I did the realism response- quick blurbs and well worded bulletins. I can remember myself taking the short-cut. This makes me angry with myself. But, I show myself grace. I feel stronger knowing I am not shrugging off the failures, the circumstances where my students felt the need to write a comment about my organization style. I am forcing myself to learn from them.
We can not be ringmasters and drum majors every day. Guiding the circus of spectacular lessons or leading the marching band of symphony and harmony. Most days are not trapeze acts and half-time shows. Pretending they are can lead to over-stimulation and exhaustion for both teachers and students. Some days are quiet picnics in the park or gentle hikes. If we do not allow for both- we are not being honest with ourselves. We are not being mindful of our students. Short-cuts are expected. Reading days or think-pair-share days are just as important as makerspace, engineering, debate days. But how we organize them is key.
I think my book is coming along- it is focused on this idea that realism is necessary. Those seeds we plant, do indeed thrive when we plant them and nurture them- but if we overwater or block them with bigger and taller- they can get shaded and wither. I think that this feedback I face two times a term will just encourage me to face my frets and failures- for which I have some. I am a great teacher, but my creativity, consistency and compassion have made me so. My short-comings are tools that- I need to choose- to use. For growth often comes from the adversity from lacking, rather than the abundance of good fortune and skill.
Listen, unplug, undistract and read. For wise are our students. Observe how they say things, their posture, their prose. They often hide behind a need to be liked by their teachers- so they are not truly honest about what they need. Read surveys, provide them if you don’t use them already- let them be anonymous to get honest answers. Take some responses lightly for not everyone is going to like you as a teacher- it stings to accept- but it is the truth. Fret less and sew more. Sew together the constructive responses into a working reflection- then into a pivot plan so you can make changes.
I am a reflective, reasonable, rational person. I read so many social science and psychology books it's insane. I read books by educators, researchers and historians. I thrive on making connections. Understanding how my mind works, how my students observe and interact with the world. But this is just the edge of the map- of my alchemy and modulation. The center of my frame is the landscape where I get joy from the uncomfortable truth about myself, as much as I cringe at it. But together the cringe and joy lead me to continue to look in the mirror. For the reflection- is why I became an educator in the first place. Absorption, remodelling, epiphany and abundance. What about you?
