Hype and Hyperbole (90)

With any situation- good or bad there is anticipation. Not just on what is going to happen. But unfortunately for many, how can I profit off of this? The build-up, knowing something is about to happen- it's like a flurry of activity, bombardment of ideas, advertisements, BOGO, half off sales. It is a cornucopia of - this is the best way to do this and you will be better if you use our product.

It is like in Minority Report when Tom Cruise is walking down the street, hoodie on, and there are adverts yelling at him from every angle. No matter where he went they saw him, they tailor fit the advertisements just for him. Choices, options, things you need, things you don't. Simply so much information- he went on overload. This is the current situation, our brains are beginning to tune out.
I know mine is.

The hype around education is palpable. Social media is promoting every aspect of teaching- free or not. We as educators see this. Like flashes of loud, neon, pulsating allurement- they are everywhere. Buy my book, here is my top 10 ten list, my way is better than yours. Now I know that a lot of things are free- this is awesome. I love how things that were never offered discounted or free are now readily accessible. There is just so much of it.

Saturation overload.

Invitation, enticement, gimmick and hook. Subtle or overt there is tug, pull and prod in every direction. It is hard to maneuver. 360 constantly, it might seem panoramic at first. Then it suddenly becomes like 'incoming.' projectiles, landing beside you, in front and behind. A constant dodge to shield yourself - protect yourself.

You want to peek. Pick and choose- then you sink into the quagmire of "I'm not good enough." and "If I am not doing the 25 things in a week these other people are doing, I'm lazy." It just gets heavy. Discarded casings lie about and their clank as we knock into them, reverberating and thrumming, is a constant reminder, I can't do it all. The only way to see over the heap- is to focus on goals. Write out a schedule and remain flexible.

Hyperbole is magnification of what others want us to see. Some lay it on thick. Some use embroidering, when they should actually be using simple stitching. Some are making their mountains so tall, our mole hills seem minute and insignificant. Wading in the vast pool is easy for a lot of people. BUT, most are trying to swim up stream in turbulent waters. Most are just exhausted.

Things are settling. Routine is starting to be established. Isolation is heavy. But, purpose and product are comforting. Things are starting to make sense. No embellishment needed. Just honesty about struggles and perseverance is what most people want to hear. Skip the overstatement and metaphor and stick with the truth. The vulnerability of authenticity.

What I need- is camaraderie. I need to read posts about overcoming a hiccup. Posts about working through emotional and social isolation. I gravitate not towards the - buy me, you need me, look at me look at me. But the here it is plain and simple, no artifice, just genuine, personal perspective.
This is comforting. This is refreshing. This is veracity.

Sandcastles (88)

Our memory fades. Our perception changes frequently. Our hope intensifies and wanes, with the changes in our lives. Our dreams crumble, only to rebuild into solid goals, with game plans and strategic steps. We wing it or we plan ahead- either way we live our lives with certain expectations.

Our health can be fragile- but we often bounce back. Most of the time, we 'laugh in the face of danger' as Simba says. We fight off disease, build up immunity and exercise, all in order to, stay in tip top shape. Only to be toppled down by unexpected germs. Life is precarious.

We rely on another for our mental balance, as humans we crave interaction. We yearn for companionship. We are feeling very isolated, distanced, afraid to be close at this time. We forget the normalcy of aches and pains and generalize them as something worse.

We are machines, systems of function. Each interlocking and providing energy. Each synchronized to keep the machine alive. Organic and full of energy we thrive. One small flaw in the process, a cog in the machine, can shut down the harmony.

Each of us a fragile, sandcastle that with even the gentlest of waves will crumble and be reabsorbed. YET we are so strong and so stubborn- we often remain sturdy even with the strongest of waves. We are durable. We are tenacious. We are stubborn. We will endure, even this.

This situation reminds me that no matter how, tip top shape, little things can clog the system. Many things- like hopelessness, anxiety, and fear can add a lot of chaos to the machine. Maybe not as much as any bug or accident- but it shuts down certain aspects of the hole. It weakens us. So we need to stay positive and mentally fit as well.

A sandcastle
Grains intertwined, we build our endurance
Relentless against gravity
Yet a gentle rumble, can shake its core
Unsettled ground can shuffle down the structure to flat
Each grain once assembled, tries desperately to remain adhered
But they wiggle back into re-absorption
Disappearing into the vastness of grains
Simmering and Glistening
Under the light of day

Until we gather the granules
Pack them tightly
Shape them into our dreams, hopes and aspiration
Smooth the edges
and
Slowly lift the veil
Leaving the fantastical, magical semblance
of Life

We get knocked down
But we always rebuild, reshape
We grow taller
More firm in our resolve and
We remain flexible, knowing that even
with the mist of the oncoming tide
Our continuity, consistency and connection
will remain
indelible

Reality 101: A Course in Observation (86)

This happened this morning. I had convinced myself that every thing would be normal. Feel normal. But, it wasn't.

Components of the Course

There is an underlying anxiety and an overt sense of self-preservation. It looms heavy over us. As we pull into the parking lot, its merely empty, as I anticipate most of the shelves will be. Carts are left askew- as if somehow putting them back would mean contagion.

Red tape is adhered to the concrete, at 6 foot intervals across the front of the store, on the sidewalk. A red glinting reminder, in the light of dawn.

Visual scurrying and quick-paced shuffles to and from vehicles. Drivers deciding whether or not to remain in their cars until the doors open. The sight, reminds me of bugs scattering as you lift a rock.

Piles of discarded gloves by the, not full, trashcans. As if putting them in would mean infection. The consternation is palpable. It's sitting in the air like an invisible fog. For if it was an actual fog, it wouldn't feel so eerie.

A line forms at the end of the scuttle. The doors aren't open yet, for the masses, and the cue is fifteen strong. It doesn't feel like a line, it is vast, spread across the parking lot. Giant, yet manageable increments of space, of yes you guessed it- 6 feet. A young girl bounces out of her car, walks with ease, earbuds in, joining the end of the line. She emanates care free. The juxtaposition is stunning.

An older woman, turns and shouts at her, loudly for everyone to hear "6 feet." She doesn't hear her, but definitely feels the visual shock wave. She steps back a few feet and the elderly woman, points a finger at her, then turns back around.

I witness this as I am crossing the parking lot with my husband. We are dropping my son off at work, a local grocery store. We decided since it was opening time to try and find a few things. The doors pop open and an employee waves us in. People hesitate a moment.

Making sure the line dissipates in an orderly way. Not coming too close to one another. My husband and I dare not breach- feeling like if we did, we would get the same pointing finger and shout of discipline- so we watch for a moment till the fog clears.

Objectives

Eye contact, if made is returned with a silent "What are you looking at?" Face masks and gloves are the norm. If you are not donning - the evil eye lurks about at every angle. You feel it on the back of your neck from 6 feet away.

We grab a cart and enter the nearly empty store. At least 1/3 of the shelves are bare. Employees are at the registers, masked and gloved- behind newly assembled plastic guards. Now employee and customer have an extra barrier of protection. An extra layer of separation.

Each check out has a bottle of hand-sanitizer. The eagerly awaited, almost priceless, commodity. The employees seem nervous. They are fidgety. My son takes his place, at the end of a scanner and awaits his first round of bagging.

We had a grocery list, we stuck to it. No paper or cleaning products available to be purchased. But, we found some frozen meals, cheese and milk. Two things of bread- the limit. 1 thing of frozen chicken- the limit. Yet, soda and candy is fully stocked. We opted not to impulse buy. We stuck to the necessities.

It is almost quiet, in a grocery store, at 8:00 in the morning. It feels surreal. As I am standing at checkout- the manager is putting up a sign- Now Hiring. I think to myself, I hope those who lost their jobs hear about this. But, I know many won't want to work at a grocery store. But, I hope they do. These will stay open no matter what, so they hold many job opportunities.

As we drive home, we are quiet. I watch the traffic, a little too fast for my taste. But I know teenagers are restless. They need to blow off steam and speeding down the road is their way of taking control. We are all looking for control- to feel empowered. Some are lashing out- being rude. Some are hoarding. Some are Amazon junkies- I know I am. Some are venturing out, while others are quarantining.

Assessments

At times things feel normal. But leaving my house, which I rarely do- brings with it a sense of anxiety, I don't have at home. I get stressed and overwhelmed and then choose to filter my intake of information.

I get overstimulated and choose to meditate and read. Just distance myself from the distancing. But, then I go to the store, early in the morning, and the film of agitation and dismay covers me.

Today at 2:00 Governor Abbott had a press conference. New executive orders, new restrictions. Potential for extending school closures. Anticipation of more to come.

Today has been answering questions for my students, responding to reflections and setting up lessons for next week. Keeping busy, keeps me sane.

It is hard to transition between being a teacher, an educator, a mom, a wife. I usually am here, there and everywhere. Busy, busy, busy. Now the hustling is within isolation. Feels strange.

Reality 101- talk about your feelings with someone. We are not emotionless, packages of flesh and blood. We are impassioned, sensitive and at times of stress- we can be impulsive and irrational.

I witnessed this today within the sixty minutes I was exposed to the 'outside world.' 6 feet away and the fervent, fiery vibes were pulsating. It is going to be this way for awhile.

But if we return the evil eye with a smile- as I did. Maybe it will ease the fear a bit. Without a mask I was able to smile at others. Most looked at me and smiled back, I could tell under their mask they were smiling. Mindfulness is so important right now. Forgiveness is so important right now. People are going to act in very strange ways in reaction to a very unique situation.

Instructional Strategies

So be patient and remember to breathe. Ventilate your feelings to someone. Stay connected. Play. Realize that every moment of your time does not need to be consumed with Covid-19 and education. Take a break.

The guilt can be heavy- as educators we feel we aren't there for our students- we feel empty not being in our classrooms. But, we need to focus on what we have- platforms to interact, our mindful spirit and our resolve. This resolve is going to keep us powering through.

Thank you to the medical professionals who are relentlessly fighting this invasion. To the retail employees who are working to keep our supplies accessible, even if they are dwindling. Thank you to the parents for supporting educators and working together to make sure your children are learning.

To all the people out there who are doing small things- like coloring positivity art on neighborhood sidewalks- so children can take walks and be reminded of kindness and joy. To those who are sending out posts of hope and community.

This is what we need to focus on- what we can do. Not what we can't. Reality 101- most things are out of our control these days. Reality 101- not everything is out of our control. Find those things and stay positive and spread mindfulness- every single act of kindness matters.

Distance Learning has it's Crumbs- Less is More (84)

I think information is a good thing. If you have a large group of people communicating. If you are all trying to reach the same goal and numerous people are asking the same questions- if the confusion is universal, for the most part, it seems like one announcement, not a mass email, but an announcement on the platform- seems reasonable. This way everyone has it cleared up, instead of one by one responses.

But these days less is more. Trying to navigate parental frustration, district requirements and student questions can be tough. I think having gone through two days of distance learning- keep it simple. Answer the questions one by one. Send one announcement in the AM per day. Then do not send anything else. This will minimize their full inboxes and brains. Getting several updates daily is just plan messy and frustrating. Less is more.

The cookie jar is vast, lots of hands reaching in our brains, during this distance learning. Students have emails and requirements. They are lacking social interaction. They have siblings and parents surrounding them with chores, school time, leisure time. It's bound to be overwhelming. My two sons- 4th grade and 11th are inundated this week. I have chosen scheduled times for them to do school work. It is important they stay in school- yet also have time to relax and be kids.

30 minutes a day per class. That is all we are allowed to require. So if we put all assignments out on a Monday they have a week to complete all the assignments. That is reasonable. But, over-achievers will try to get it done at one time- again they have multiple classes- and thus, it seems like teachers are overloading students with work, when it is students trying to do too much in one day. We need to find a balance. In the morning AM announcements maybe remind students- you have a week, take your time, take frequent breaks.

Lot's of breaks. No grades this week. Just participation. I have a feeling though, they are so anxious about getting behind they are trying to do too much at the same time. I think so much information is just overloading their brains and parents are watching them unravel. Parents, who are now responsible for their children's school-time regiment, are simply getting frustrated- after only a day of distance learning. Let them come to you with questions- parents don't need too much information either, trust me.

So, remember less is more. Be concise and specific and then let students and parents ask questions individually. If students choose to over-load with a lot of work in one day, that is not on you. But, it seems like sending all weekly assignments, in one bundle works for most students and their parents. Not daily assignments. This allows them to plot a schedule and create a check-list to make sure everything gets done. Time-management.

Odd times indeed. As a parent, I understand, the overload. But, as a teacher we are required to do what we are doing. District assignments are out of our control. It is a time where we are all uncertain and uneasy. Especially when it comes to our children. Parents and teachers need to communicate.

They need to support one another. They need to understand we are all doing the best we can. So let's work together to help our children be successful- schedules, breaks and incremental learning- that is the best way to go. Send out a survey to parents- at the end of the first week: 1- Do you prefer a bundle on Monday's of assignments or for them to be spaced out daily? 2- Would you like extension activities for more in depth learning? 3-How best can I serve your student during this time?

The more feedback we get, the more we can make sure that distance learning is beneficial and purposeful for everyone. Parents are our ally, so listen to their concerns. Students are the ones doing the assignments- ask for feedback. If a platform isn't working well for them- change the format. This should be easy and accessible not frustrating for them.

There is a learning curve and we are in it. Hopefully together we can smooth the edges and allow for some great learning these next few weeks.

Srotacude (82)

The world changed suddenly. Roles altered. Behaviors adjusted to distancing. Opinions raged and yet became more open-minded. People started to listen more. They were separated, but they were more connected somehow. The new norm looked different. Felt different. But, many aspects of life had to continue. Certain things had to remain in tact. Society may have changed its behavior but the reality of circumstance remained the same.

There is a group of individuals who have a very strange profession. In the previous world and the new normal, as many people are calling it. They had earned a degree, did time in the trenches even before they had the opportunity to take the reigns. They voluntarily joined the field. It is not a lucrative profession, nor are they revered across the globe. In fact, in many places they are ridiculed and parodied. Yet, they continue to give it their all.

They have scheduled bathroom breaks. Only a short time to re-nourish themselves. They come into contact with various germs every day. They have to keep their guard up, redirect, engage, discipline, organize, attend requirements, write reports and perform morning or afternoon duties. They are dedicated, focused and resilient even in the face of bad attitudes, conflicts and judgement.

When the world shifted, they took up arms and moved brick by brick to a virtual platform on which their voice was continuous. They kept discussions alive, collaboration a foot and support unwavering. They know unequivocally, that what they do matters, even when others do not see it. Even when they can't look others in the eye, they send messages of hope. They send visual smiles of reassurance.

The bonds they make with one another and their apprentices are ever-lasting and strong. Even through distance they are vibrating and resonating. They answer emails at all hours of the night. They create experiences that keep their docents interested and intrigued. It is harder to do when they are not in front of you. But, they do. 

Not for a paycheck. But because this profession, as strange as it is, is in their blood. It is a passion, a calling, that not even distance could disrupt. These Strotacude are empowered by action. Every single one displacing uncertainty and insecurity with consistency, mindfulness and relationships that have been forged since August. These relationships are the glue, these actions are the foundation.

These strotacude- educators are united and in it for the long haul. So buckle up educators- these students love you, respect you and need you. You are bigger than your classroom. You are louder than a speaker. You are truly amazing. Let's get to it- lets educate.

Overwhelmed Much? (80)

I feel like I'm out of phase. Like nothing appears crisp and life-like. A constant dream state. I listen, watch as others fret in the store, as they look at empty shelves. Cars seems to change lanes a bit too quickly. Yet, things seems slow. It is like a Looney-Tunes cartoon, but the picture is wobbly and hazy. Like the antennae of our youth. I want to stand up and walk over to the show - being broadcasted- this current event and readjust the signal.

I feel in control of myself, protecting my family. But outside these four walls- I feel things are slipping- like melting wax on the side of a candle. The stick disappearing, the wick well below its threshold. Slippage, a vanishing of societal norms. It is only beginning. Bored teenagers have started the ruckus. They are bored and myopic, and it is a loud reminder things aren’t normal.

Today was overwhelming. I was allowed in my classroom during 9-11am and I used the opportunity to enter my room and gather supplies: home-schooling for my child, paper products and cleaning supplies. Hand-sanitizer of all things.

It didn’t feel strange to be there, at first, it felt almost like it was summer. But when I entered and left, I had to sign in and out and there were reminders over the intercom of the remaining time we had left in the building. It began to feel surreal very fast. I saw a few teachers, they waved and scurried down the hallway. But it was mostly empty.

Then I went to a Neighborhood Walmart. It wasn’t very busy, but everyone was wearing masks and gloves. A lot of the shelves were bare. But we were lucky they had just restocked meat and cheese. No paper products. But alas, my classroom was a goldmine there. Few cars on the road during peak travel time. Pouring rain. It felt eerie and disconcerting. I couldn’t wait to get home.

I try to keep the news to a minimum. Read, write and just be with my family.

We had our first Zoom meeting where we got the lay out of our distance learning. That hit home in a big way. We will be distance learning for some time to come, I anticipate. I hate uncertainty and well, I am in the middle of an uncertainty nightmare. All we can do is wait and see.

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates: Sometimes You Know What You're Gonna Get (78)

I am a silver lining type of person. I like to make sense of things. I have anxiety and a rare panic attack- but generally I am a positive person. I hate uncertainty, I really loathe surprises. Most importantly, I want the hard truth, tell me like it is, be honest and direct. Sweet, caramel- no extra flavoring needed.

Don’t shelter me from the harsh, light of day. This I am prepared for. Nothing was ever been handed to me, I had a tough time growing up with bullying and Dyslexia and as a result, I have thick skin. I stay calm in the face of turmoil and fear. I may have anxiety, but during a crisis- I am remarkably stable and calm. A hearty toffee, milk chocolate and nuts on the outside, crunchy goodness on the inside.

If I didn't practice Buddhism and mindfulness, however- I am not sure, I would be so positive. My daily mantra’s and intentions set the beginning, of my day. The repetition and maintenance of both, is my solid ground. I have to have a clear, succinct path. My mantra’s and intentions are the map that keeps me traveling, in the right direction. They are my reminder to be optimistic and purposeful. Buttercream, soft and silky. Smooth and mellow.

Most of the time, I adjust to social norms quickly. I smile, hold down meaningful conversations-yet I rarely strike them up. I tend to be quiet and in my own world. Currently, in this new situation, staying distanced, I feel more at ease in so many ways. 

Does this sound bad, that I like the distancing? I don’t miss the social interaction, yet. I like knowing there is a whole box of chocolates, waiting to be opened and enjoyed. Albeit, in a new format. I like the moment of silence, the time to think and innovate.

The connection with my students is going to be the biggest loss, for me. I love teaching. That is the one social adjustment I was happy to make-and every day they bring me joy. But I will continue to build relationships. Use on-line platforms to connect. Send mindfulness strategies and positive emails.

This is a temporary hiatus, from them, I hope. Fruit flavored gems of cherry cordial or orange, a bit of pop, yet reminiscent of stability. We may be separated, but we are still a class.

I am not a touchy-feely type of person- I rarely shake hands. I only hug my closest friends and family. I am a 'distanced' person already, for the most part. I don't mind small groups of people, but I tend to get anxious, if I have to be in a large group. I steer clear of holiday sales. I prefer to order on-line, even it costs a bit more. I not the peanut cluster, crowded with nuts. I am more of a chocolate covered Oreo.

Even faculty meetings are a bit overwhelming, for me. Too many voices and opinions, I guess. I hear every cough, every sniffle- every side-bar conversation, as the principal is speaking. I like to focus, but with the shuffling and whispers, I am easily distracted. Dark chocolate, coconut filled, it takes some focus, to make sure the bits, don’t get lodged in your teeth.

I am better on-line: no face to face, eye contact, with adults at least. When I am on-line, I can phrase my questions better. I can read rather than have to listen. Then I have a moment to process information and fortify a response. So, this whole quarantine, isolation strategy, works for me. As far as this is concerned.

I like the idea of some 'space.' But I want to be able to look my students in the eye and have meaningful conversations with them. Podcasts and Vodcasts will have to suffice, for now. With the distance also comes uncertainty. Will parents maintain a semblance of learning at home? It’s tough to get students to engage when they feel they are disconnected. What will the end of the school year look like? A variety box, self-chosen for the most meaningful experiences or a pre-packaged assortment?

With a great box of chocolates, now-a-days, you can choose your morsels. Pick and choose your favorites. Even a few new ones you’d like to try before you commit. When I was recently in Albuquerque, I went to my favorite chocolatier, See's Candies and had a 2-pound box created just for me. We don’t have them in Texas, so this was fun for me.

I haven’t opened the box yet. Somehow having an unopened box, keeps a certain level of anticipation alive. But also, in hindsight, a 5-pound box would have been better. I’d have extended comfort choices then. It is a sizable box, yet I know I won’t be visiting a store anytime soon, so I want to savor them. 

Funny how little things like a box of chocolates is a conundrum- do I start eating them now, or wait? Both comforting and distracting.

The juxtaposition of chocolate. Options: white, dark, milk. Fillings and assortments abound. Nuts or no nuts. Fruit or caramels. Butter cream or toffee. Hard or soft centers. Belgian, French or good old Cadbury’s from England. Chocolate is universal.

The style and individuality of a culture’s confectionaries are unique. Just walk down a candy aisle at the store or into a chocolate shop, the options and varieties are practically endless.

It’s a beautiful thing, choice. But chocolates haven’t always been this diversely available. The global market has bridged and connected us, in amazing ways. Obviously, chocolate being a minor one- and yet, a significant one as well. 

Chocolate is family. Chocolate is community. Chocolate is shared, given as gifts. Valentine’s Day love tokens, just one of many. Chocolate is a way to connect us.

In my childhood, we didn’t have the cornucopia of options, we have today. It was a time, when boxes were simply pre-packaged and put on the shelf. Some companies gave you a list, which was quickly lost, of the boxes’ contents. But, they were often put in the wrong slots- so it was an adventure every time a new box was opened.

Others made you wing it. Then, by the time, some of us got a hold of the box, there were only these half-eaten morsels, in each of the waxy, ridged paper wrappers. As a child I never got first crack, at the box. I got the leftovers. Generally, they were the nut filled ones, I couldn’t eat. So, the infamous quote in Forest Gump, hit home for me.

In all my adulthood, I have never gone into a chocolate shop and had a box created, just for me. So last week, among the rattling and separation of society, to be able to choose my favorites and get them packaged, in a pretty white box, was a treat. Well, simply put, it was kind of invigorating. A meaningful, personal experience. I felt I had a choice. I had control of something in my life, in a time where we all feel, very displaced and disrupted.

Looking at my unopened box of sweet, creamy, no nut-filled, chocolates. I hesitate to open them. Does that sound crazy? Maybe. But, a part of me wants to have that excitement last. The anticipation linger. Keep a little uncertainty, by choice.

While the rest of the world is in flux, maybe in the corner of my room- my new office and classroom for a spell, can stay childlike. It can hold a secret, only I know. That there is an unopened box of chocolates, that carry with them, the hope of normalcy. The subtle, unique gift of calm and focus, in an otherwise uncertain world.

Assume Positive Intent (76)

We get our feathers ruffled. We jump to conclusions. Mistrust. Get angry because something rubbed us the wrong way. Everyone does. Some people are really good at hiding their disdain and frustration. Some people have to vent and do so immediately- loudly- publicly. Make a spectacle. Its embarrassing.

I am watching a woman pitch a total fit because her coffee is not hot enough. Her face is red, as she raises her voice. The coffee shop is forced into a silence. The scene is too good to ignore. The vibe once chill and almost whimsical is now fraught with the screeching voice of her. Its unnerving.

Cups on table. Eyes fixed. We stare. She doesn't noticed the hush. Only the frightened face of a pimply, barista unsure of how to respond. This is not a chain, but a mom and pop. There is no procedural dialogue to rely on here. He just tries to fake a smile and says "I will remake it for you, what did you have?"

She gets more infuriated. "How do you not know what I have. You made it for Christ's sake?" Now let me pause here.

He made about ten drinks after he made hers. He did not take her order. He had just switched places with another barista. So this question was ridiculous. Busy coffee shop- loudness, to stillness. She is still the only voice heard. She doesn't notice our disdain.

"Fine, just make me a ....." I have no idea what her drink was. I tuned her out then. The word fine- means resolution. Voices picked up. Barista's began to make drinks again. The flow of energy slowly transformed from hostile- shock to relaxing weekend.

Assume positive intent. Most people are kind. They are mindful. They are generous and forgiving. But every now and again we have to be reminded that they are out there among us too- the venter's who drink venti's and ventilate hostility.

It is our job to ignore them.

But sometimes, we are caught in their quagmire for a moment or two.

Main Stay, Mysoginistic, Racist, Desk Clerk, What? (75)

Half way between Houston and Albuquerque, just about the midway point give or take, lies a small town. I have stayed here before, but not in this particular establishment. Usually we roll in around midnight, tired, with a car full of hungry, irritable children. This trip, we timed it so we could stay somewhere with an indoor pool, my youngest wanted to go swimming.

It was 7:30 when we arrived. We were eager to check-in and get settled before a light dinner. I approached the desk. The desk clerk, looked me up and down- made a judgement call. The first words out of his mouth, took a minute or two. He pretended to be busy. Then he stood and walked over to his computer. Not a "Hello, welcome to the...." just "name," not even a please. I was put off a bit instantly.

I gave him my confirmation number, letting him know how it was booked. He snickered. "How did you book, no reservation." I smiled, "I told you it was with Hotels.com. He then pontificated, saying unfriendly things about the company and their parent company. He espoused that "They are a cheating company, located in Thailand, Bangkok and very untrustworthy." He actually said those words. It gets worse.

He continued to tell me I probably didn't know better, and specifically "Where was my husband?" I felt the urge to correct, to say, "What are you thinking you small, little minded man?" I refrained. He continued to demean Bangkok with this "They probably cheated you out of your money and gave it to a Thai hooker." Yup- he said that, in front of another guest too. They smiled and said nothing. Unfortunately I said, "Excuse me?" to which he responded, "Don't worry, it's nothing."

At that moment my husband entered, with my brood, all carrying luggage and pillows. The desk clerk smiled and greeted my husband. I walked away. I was mindful, in a situation where I would have been justified, to put this small minded individual, in his place. I just knew if I had though, my room reservation would never have been found and I had already paid for the room. When my husband was standing in front of him- our reservation- magically appeared in the system.

Needless to say, I won't be staying at that particular hotel again. One person makes a huge impact. The words of a thoughtless person resonate and it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. The room was mediocre- walking to the room, one hallway smelled of trash and our hallway reeked of lettuce. I know what does lettuce smell like? But, it was definitely lettuce. Strange night.

But, mindfulness won for me at least. Being crammed into a smaller than promised room, with all my children, was nice. It felt good to have all of us in the same room, watching TV and eating tacos. So be wary of front desk clerks....just kidding. Most of them are pleasant and cordial and if they harbor ill will towards Hotels.com or Thailand- they keep it to themselves. Strange encounter, one I will definitely remember.

Creating Intuition (72)

The ability to understand something immediately. Putting conscious reasoning aside and just letting your sense of the world guide you. We go through life relying on our intuition. We hone it as we mature.

It becomes like a second skin. It comforts us when we become fearful. It reminds us to take risks because it just knows we will be okay. But, it also warns us not to put ourselves in harms way. It also knows when we are vulnerable.

Can we create intuition?

Can we set up opportunities in our classrooms, risk free, for our students to build theirs, strengthen theirs, construct those layers we need as adults to navigate the world?

Yes. Intuition comes from strategy, trial and error and reconnaissance. Jumping into situations without forethought does not build intuition. But, strategy, experimentation and discovery does. Students need freedom. They need to take chances. They need to build their own situations to overcome.

We need to let them create their own demonstration of knowledge and step back and watch: they will either fail or struggle. But in the end- intuition will prevail. They will create a new layer.

By allowing them to collaborate and test their hypothesis, and just tinker and play gives them the platform from which to launch. Once they are airborne- intuition will lift them up. This is the best gift we can give them- the ability to think for themselves.

Pontificating (70)

I can get on my soap box. Its a crate, sturdy and strong. I can evangelize about mindfulness and the beauty of the world. I can moralize and dogmatize. I have been known to preach to the choir. But mostly I address my social bubble with my thoughts. Hoping to inspire. Yet, sometimes I might admonish a bit.

I am aware of my prose being long winded at times. Especially while I am writing every day for a year. This is 76 of 365. I tend to say what I feel. Mean what I say. Yet, I hold back out of fear of others giving sermon to me. I know of this world and it is not a forgiving one.

Pontificating just now, this moment. You might be reading this. You might be unaware of my rants and whispers of hope and freedom. Yet, I continue to do so. It is not for you, but for me. If I do not get the words out- the blogs written- the ideas out into the ether, I will go mad. I am a mad hatter whose millinery is manuscription.

Believe me when I say- like a painter with a brush or a sculptor with their clay- I must write. The words are screaming in my head, until they are typed or written out longhand. I am in a constant dance of jot, scribble and transcribe. I must keep track of the thoughts, I carry a journal. This is my mind in a nutshell.

Pontificating.

It Pings Off, Leaving Only an Echo (67)

A scanning system, sophisticated. Tracking. Giant green circles, spaces between. Searching, a grid both specific and broad. The only way to find - is to send out electromagnetic waves. Giant antenna transmitting, receiving. Processing, determining. Honing in. Pinging, pinging, pinging- until it locks on.

Then it is lost, non-permanence. Mobility. Others seek - yet their gaze, pings off of me, leaving only an echo. I was there, now I'm here. Keep up. Like a torpedo, I travel fast. Both mentally and physically. Seems I am always in a hurry.

I have sonar, radar- always on high alert. Who is going to come within proximity of me? Who is going to address me? Talk to me. Expect a conversation. I walk fast, maybe to avoid the ping. I hunker, isolated, maybe to avoid the knock. I stay in my head, maybe to avoid the acoustics of others.  

Too many voices, shatters my bubble. Ping- sent out to locate. It bounces off others, leaving an echo. I am relieved. I have locked on a target- my quiet, classroom. Lights dimmed. Giant Green Circles, spaces between, yet the focus is on the hallway. 

I am out of range.

The Vertical Horizontal (67)

It's like looking up and sideways at the same time. As if my eyes were on either side of my head, rather than facing forward. Disorientation. A disturbing case of winding, toggle and Escher like staircases. I lean forward, only to be balanced backward into an upright position. Circling, spinning, alternating junctions of pause, start, pause, start. Sound dismembers, snapping my limbs off, as if in a Saw movie. This is instant. This is a panic attack. This is anxiety.

A feeling of chaos, mixed with a heaviness. You want to run away, find a dark corner. Yet, you remain fixed, weighted, numb. It is so all consuming, there is no remembrance of before. There is no recognition of then. No change in position forecast. Just a somber, tight, taut, load of uncertainty. Lights are no longer distinct, they convert into a blinding, surround sound movement of flash, flicker, fog. This is instant. This is a panic attack. This is anxiety.

It is fickle, this beast. It does not rear its ugly head on cue- it never warns us. It creeps in when we are calm and relaxed, or we are traveling through a crowd. It follows us into the restroom, hides under our bed. It has the audacity to wait outside for us on a family outing. It's cause is as secret as its advance. We can not prepare for the siege. We can only halt its advance- battle- push back the troops of upheaval. It swallows. It digests. It excretes. We, merely it's nourishment.

Anxiety is scary. It is deliberate, yet we do not welcome it. Panic attacks are a tingling essence- familiar and inevitable. If we can close our eyes- eliminate the vertical horizon. If we ignore the rush of sound- deafen the distraction. If we can convince ourselves we are in fact under attack- take a deep breath- look the cavalry in the eye. We can learn to raise the white flag of defeat before there is carnage.

We have to accept that we can't prevent it entirely. But we can learn to understand it. Contain it. Slow down its incursion. We can slow, because it takes time no matter what, our breath. We can see in the dark, as we close our eyes, a quiet safe retreat. We can upload to our minds playlist a song that helps us focus. We can breathe. Just find our dungeon. It is this dungeon of our construction- where we can go, lock the gates and feel safe.

But, it takes awhile. We have to fight the urge to fall to the floor and scream first.

Then, we see it. The stillness, the singular sound of a familiar voice. The dimness of a narrow focus. This is when it ends. The invasion has been interrupted, the barrage blocked. We are finally becoming whole again. We are realizing the assault, accepting our defeat- and moving on.

Wheel's Keep on Turning (65)

Today was the day after a test. On these days I like to do a mindfulness lesson and test corrections. Student's started the day, with students listing as many things, that they are thankful for, in their mindfulness journals. I gave them two minutes to write as many things down as they could. Then I prompted- "Now focus on your parents, your siblings, your family." I had them then write down more for one minute. I told them we would return to these grateful examples, after the test correction.

Then we began our test correction/reflection activity. I wrote about this process in an earlier post.

iteacher imother: A New Way To Test Correct (42) https://iteacherimother.blogspot.com/2020/02/a-new-way-to-test-correct-42.html?spref=tw

First I had them go over their test and mark a + next to each question they found easy, a star if they stuggled with it, but felt they got correct and a - if they felt they missed it. They don't know their scores at this point. Then as a group they discuss the questions and their answers and decided together which they feel are correct.

Then I had them match each question with our science TEK's. After they TEK'd the test (Texas Essential Knowledge) state standards, I had them discover which questions, from earlier TEK's were included and why. Finally, I had them critique the test questions. They chose two they felt needed to be reworded, for better understanding and then rewrote them. Then I had them read their new questions to each other. Compare the re-written one's with the one's that were on the test.

This will help us for next year as we update this particular test. It is a great reflective tool for both student and teacher. Keeps the wheel's of ingenuity and reflection going.

After we finished discussing the test, I had students create a gratefulness wheel. This will be for their parents/guardians. We are going into spring break next week and I thought this would be a good tool for them to reconnect with mindfulness and their parents. I know parents will be happy to see these as they deliver them tomorrow. Here is an example of a gratefulness wheel.

Keeping the wheels in motion for one more day. Tomorrow is Ready to Roll Day our culmination of a week of donations for three charities. We do this every year with different charities. Students donate to their teachers and most teachers have an incentives package on the wall. I do. Stuff from free day to silly string fight. It depends on the amount per class. Plus the day of, R2RD, tomorrow is a free day- movies and snacks if teachers are participating in the event.

So tomorrow for me, will be movies all day and lots of very hyper students. BUT, for Make a Wish, Lunches of Love and Katy Wolf Pack it will be great day indeed. Tomorrow I will write a blog about the event and it's success.

I Just Realized Something (63)

At the start of the year, you are trying to get to know students. Yes, you make a few assumptions based on their 'arrival mode.' Did they enter quiet or loud? Did they say hello? But, it takes awhile before they become their true selves.

Some of them put on airs, act mindful, but actually are the opposite. Some become teachers' pet. Some are kind and joyful. Some are just down right arrogant and snotty. But, it's the beginning of the year so we generally as educators, look past any character foible and look for the core of the student- their personality.

You tell yourself, they all have something to love. Every child has the possibility to be your favorite. Just give them a chance. After awhile, they shift. Some that were good students, become lazy. Those students who were engaged and focused are now more social, more loud, more hyper.

You still love them, they are your student, but that does not mean you have to always like them. Some students are just plan old annoying and rude. Yet, we still try to get past that and find the true child in there. Never give up on a student, no matter what.

Some students get more arrogant as the year progresses. They are more flamboyant with their snark and sarcasm. Most days I let it go, ignore it. But today, having a headache, I am picking up on it an let me tell you, I am finding these students very disappointing.

Their lack of mindfulness today is overwhelming. But, I choose not to let this taint my opinion of them. I am going to chock it up to the weather- it's March and 79 degrees outside. Spring is in the air. They are gearing up for spring break next week and seriously- they are exhausting.

So I just realized something- relationships change, behavior changes, our thoughtful reactions change. It can be hard to smile and remain patient in the face of 32 over-active, attention seeking, high-pitched yelping students.

But, I also realize, my mindfulness strategies work. I haven't lost my patience or raised my voice. So go mindfulness. Being present and proactive matters. They are 13 year old's and throughout the day I teach 180 of them. Each with a personal spirit and temperament. Each with a beautiful sense of self. I choose instead to, take a deep breath and realize, it's 6th period and the day is almost over.

Star, Fan, Famous - Does Any of It Matter? (61)

I am curious- this whole limelight thing, is it worth it? I have been perusing Instagram, Twitter and other social media platforms and just reading, listening, and lurking as they say. I have learned a lot. I gotta tell you- its fascinating. This social persona we all have, it is both beautiful and destructive. Enhancing and invigorating- and very much addicting.

Its interesting to me how important it feels to us. How we are designed to need it.

Do stars shine brighter than fame?

Are superstars, like supernova's ready to explode and disperse into the universe?

Fandom, stardom, influencer, infamous. So many words to mean- public. To embody what it means to have a following, to be recognized and beloved. While some members of this club have keys to the presidential suite, others remain in a standard room. Yet, each in their own right, has earned at least a nights stay, at the acclaimed limelight resort.

I have an Instagram account, yet I have never posted to it. I follow celebrities and writers- yet I simply browse the platform for inspiration. I have never felt the urge to actually post. Is that weird? I post on Twitter all the time. I post sporadically on Facebook, generally big events. I write two blogs, yet Instagram seems to bring me a sense of reluctance. Why?

Does any of it matter? I suppose it does in the sense that people are connected to it. They feel like a community. It provides a sense of purpose for many. All social media has a purpose- some positive, some negative. But, they all provide a service- a way for the world to connect, in a century where communication and outreach, popularity and self-worth, and a basic sense of self, have become as much a part of our persona's, as our fashion sense and individuality.

Instagram is pretty. Beautiful photography. Inspiring words of calm and wisdom. A life of color and nuance. Shiny and visual. Twitter is words, chats, blogs and venting. When you build a community it is more positive and purposeful. When you scroll down your feed you have the option to UNFOLLOW and BLOCK. It's like mingling at a dinner party. You can keep moving or you can settle into a corner of like-minded people and have a great conversation.

Instagram feels to me at least, more like a billboard of sophistication and polished perfection. I scroll my feed and see famous people: fandom, stardom, influencer and infamous- interacting. I see impeccable food, immaculate fashion, perfect smiles. It is less about what you do, what you say or what you believe- and more about how you look. Your perceptible persona. This, I lack. I have plenty of verbal not a lot of optical.

What makes someone follow you, read your blog, listen to your podcast? What lures people into your orbit? Persistence, consistency, flash or flair? Do you need a unique voice or a loud one that can be heard over the din of constant 'look at me, look over here, see me, no me?' When do you get your break? Some do in an instant- they simply post and the world goes wild. Others they play comedy clubs, grind the layers down, until they finally reach the upper floors, of the limelight resort. I applaud all of them.

The one thing I know about stardom, fandom and famous is in order to keep it, you have to maintain it. You have to put yourself out there, open yourself up to criticism- because you can't please everyone. Especially those who are looking for reasons every day, to tear someone else down. Especially those who are envious and stuck and instead of finding a channel in which to swim in a new direction- choose instead to be negative and destructive. Is that easier? To tear down rather than lift up?

I think it takes the same amount of energy and in the end- the negativity, wins only because it is heavier. It weights down and with the sink, comes the isolation. With the anger comes the idea of justification. If I am not a star, if I don't have a cult following I am lesser than. If I am not famous, remembered, recognized, I am simply human. BUT- in actuality, being alive, feeling connected, staying positive, believing in yourself is not that hard.

We just have to remember to-

Breathe
Believe
Build
Become

Happiness is our stardom. When things seem bright- we are on every billboard- we see ourselves as successful and important. Contentment is our fandom, our cult following. Our biggest crowd of applause comes from believing in ourselves. The red carpet is temporary but the courage, confidence and comic relief, we allow ourselves to feel- that is fame right there. That is worth more than any magazine spread or leading role. So hunker down and know- the only thing that matters in the end- is in our minds, so keep it positive my friends.