Moment to Monumental Outcry (151)

We are living in, one of the worst years I can remember. It is globally challenging. Socially, economically, medically.

It started as a hopeful endeavor, for many of us. The number 2020- its sounds even and hopeful. But it has been anything but. It has been laden with heartache and uncertainty.

2020 like 1920, 1820, 1720 and 1520 before it- will be remembered for pandemics, tumultuous change, and social upheaval.

During the Red Scare of 1920, for example, hundreds of immigrants were rounded up and some were deported. The trial and execution of Nicola Sacco and Bartolomeo Vanzetti, Italian immigrants accused of murder, highlighted the prejudice against these newcomers. Also, the wide-spread contagion of the Spanish Flu, played havoc in the world.

In 1820 there was a pandemic of Cholera. In 1720 the plague was the global illness. In 1520 the Aztec Empire fell to a smallpox infection. The year of twenty, does not seem to hold much promise in any century. Especially when we are amidst a covid epidemic.

We have been quarantined for months and now that we are allowed to venture back out, we are doing so- not to a changed world, but to the same selfish, racist, misogynistic, prejudiced, laced landscape, we took refuge from, a few months ago.

People who were unkind and brutal then- are still traumatic to society now. Hateful, cruel people- after being isolated and quarantined, are even more despicable now. We have seen it these past few weeks, in many situations.

We became more focused on family, being productive, collaboration and beauty. Yet, some, turned inward and harbored more freedom to be obnoxious, rude, and downright wicked. They looked for ways to spread barbarism.

Visceral speech still roamed free, from our homes. From our newsfeeds and unfortunately our televisions. Stupidity and ignorance was alive and kicking, as couch crouching vermin, spewed their ‘trollism’s’. But somehow, we felt a little safer, they were locked away, like us.

Somehow, for a few months the bitter, brutal, cruelty of humanity, fell a bit silent. Not nonexistent, but just muted by isolation. The violence was still ever present, but the stories focused, on the global threat, the obvious attack. We turned inward, just a bit. The trollism’s we were used to- the violence we heard about on a daily basis, became lessened.

We took a moment, we breathed out, calmed our spirits temporarily. Only to have it erupt ferociously, into a loud yawp of injustice. Our deep focus on survival, was severed and our re-alertness and awareness shifted to the reality of cruelty. The realism of hatred and violence. Rewind, same unimaginable grief, its still here, after all of this?

At a time when humanity was resurfacing, our slightly relaxed mindsets were transformed by one single knee.

One herd of savage thinkers.

One brutal act.

A senseless behavior that plaques our society. 

Action over response. Reaction over discussion.

Add the fuel of racism and privilege, implied power (a uniform) and lack of judgement- you get a repeat of atrocities. You get what just happened in Minneapolis.

People are not talking, reasoning, they are revenging an injustice, because they feel trapped in an endless cyclic flow of racism. They are trapped in an endless cyclic flow of racism.

I am isolated, away from the masses. But my heart, my mind, my spirit is entangled in the community- working together to clean up the destruction. My emotions are heightened, and I am feeling helpless to make a difference.

But- I felt I needed to write something, just words on a page- but they are from my heart.

Mental Health: Keeping Zen to Find the Zenith (149)

The time at which something is most powerful or successful- our zenith, is now.

This transitory timeline is our pinnacle moment. How society is coping, and how individually, we are carrying on- is widely discussed. Debated and pontificated. Every news outlet, social media platform, and personal conversations are centered around covid-19 and self-care.

If we are mindful, if we become more aware of our emotions, reactions, wants and needs- we will be able to find our zen much easier.

We have two parts of our nervous system- sympathetic and parasympathetic. We are in a constant state of fight or flight- stay or run. The indecision, has us on edge. Go outside, stay inside- wear a mask, don't wear a mask. Hide our emotions, share our feelings. The juxtaposition adds more to our already weakened state of mind.

Our sympathetic nervous system is in hyper-drive- keeping us at the ready. It's exhausting and our nerves are frayed and our mood swings drastic.

We hear, take a deep breath. We hear, do something nice for yourself. We hear, be generous and give to others. It's a challenge, to quiet our minds long enough, to know what to do, let alone do it.

Our parasympathetic nervous system inhibits our body from overworking- in other words it forces us to calm down, to rest.

It senses our cacophony, it hears the distorted notes of the orchestra in our brains warming up- each note loud, every instrument battling for domination. Every sound an attempt to align on pitch.

Then the conductor, our reason and resolve, steps up to the podium and all of a sudden all the instruments find the same note and the symphony begins. The calm resonates.

This moment is when the two systems talk to one another. You are no longer in danger, you slow your reaction time, because you no longer need to panic. you listen for your heart beat, belly breathe and settle down, until things make sense.

I am sure its a similar technique the Hulk, has to use to reconnect with Bruce Banner, after a long day of fighting evil.

Zen is accessible, yet we are often too busy and distracted to chart a course toward it.

But, at the end of the day, we shake off the stress, and look for the doorway. Our zenith is upon us- our zen surrounds us. The two shall meet.

I guess, like any other process, it takes practice. Mental health is important. Focusing outwards helps. Sharing our feelings verbally, helps. Our generosity, helps us stay mentally healthy. Giving is the cure to the feeling of want. Giving is the antidote, to self-doubt and the need to feel good.

When we share our story, donate, listen, find opportunities to feel connected, our isolation will wane.

Our physical locale is one thing- our mental energy is another. Taking care of one another, refills the energy pool. This pool becomes an ocean of love and compassion and this in turn, slows our need to be anywhere, but where we are. At least temporarily.

Our zenith is an opportunity for change. For personal growth. For community building and societal improvements.

Conversation keeps the zen sparkling. Acknowledgment keeps our zenith illuminated. Together zen and mindfulness, transforms our zenith, into a canvas for self-awareness, self-growth and self-happiness.

Mental Health: The Messy, Mental, Miraculousness of Mindset (147)

The Messy

We are all emotional bundles of feelings. Of raw, gut wrenching punches, of grief, anger, anxiety, and doubt. Around us in a constant swirl of sparkly beauty, flows a cornucopia of joy, happiness, love and appreciation. We ebb and flow, in the river of sensitivity. Tumbling down stream, no anchor, no sails. Not even a dock to moor at.

Oceans vast and turbulent, often drag us out to sea. We know there, we will have to engage in survival mode, and thus our emotions come forth often in an aggressive way. Others notice when we are tossing and taking on water, in a mid-Atlantic storm.

But when we are bobbing in the clearer waters of the stream, we are less likely to surrender to our emotion. We are more likely to row our kayak, because we know we won't capsize any time soon. We see the edges, of our mood and know we can reach shore, even after some rapids.

Mental health is not a simple choice between river rafting or ocean sailing. It is understanding the situation in which we find ourselves stranded. When we drop our compass overboard, as we try to level the keel. We all deal with our feelings in different ways. As Glennon Doyle says "Feelings are for feeling." We all feel, but sometimes we choose to keep our feelings, barnacles on the bottom of our boats.

The Mental

These days we are all feeling every emotion imaginable. We have to remember it is healthy to feel. It is essential, to allow ourselves,  the ability to see the world around us and react to it. To accept the fact, that we will have moments of shame, desire, fear and disgust- mingled in with contentedness, wonder, comfort and delight. It is important that we don't neglect any of them.

Each of our emotions is a part of us, like a limb. To stay healthy we have to accept the bad with the good. We might not shout from the roof tops- I am a jealous, envious, greedy person at this moment so run away- fast. But, we have to accept that we feel them. They are not phantom limbs- they are active appendages, that if we do not deal with, can go awry very quickly.

Our feelings are not comparative with someone else's. Our mood swings are our own to contend with. In this time of isolation, we often try to build a reservoir in front of us and a dam to back our emotions up behind, so we don't have to deal with them. In other words, we feel guilty about feeling them. Another emotion. We are full of them.

Miraculousness

Mental health is an important topic these days. Talking about how we feel is just the beginning. It takes an awareness of ourselves. To understand why we are anxious and happy, at the same time. Why we are relieved and fearful, simultaneously. We are in transition mode and the need to surrender to the flow, is a necessary byproduct of the process. But with it comes a deluge of emotion- often swirling, in a flood we have no warning of.

All we can do is pause.

Face the voices all screaming at us, in our heads. And listen to ourselves. That is the only way we can get through this. Listen, talk to people, write, and read other authors, as they express their feelings. Just connect and build bridges. That is the messy, mental, miraculousness, of a positive mindset.

Knowing negativity lurks, but having the forethought to keep a paddle nearby, so we can steer through the squall.

It's going to get windier before the westerlies calm. So listen for the warning signs and prepare for the gusts. You got this!

Migraine, Stomach Pain, with a Headache Chaser (145)

Migraines suck. If you have never experienced one- you should hope you never have to. Really bad headaches, I mean the kind that make you want to vomit (no alcohol involved) - they are terrible too. But a few aspirin and a nap later and those tend to go away. These types of headaches tend to be from dehydration or tension and stress.

Migraines are ninja, vampires and evil witches, all rolled up into one. They can arrive after a change in atmospheric pressure, weather changes, anxiety, lack of sleep, too much caffeine and even a bout of allergies. They are not comparative, for every one is different with one underlying commonality- the extreme pain.

Today- I had another of my sometimes frequent- yet, more often than not, sporadic- migraine storms. It was not pleasant. I decided to write two poems- An Ode to the Episode (the migraine event) and Collisions of Consciousness (how it feels at the beginning of a migraine episode).

I wrote them to give a little insight to anyone who does not quite understand, when someone they know says "Oh crap, I feel a migraine coming on." It is an experience like no other. And basically, it sucks, I mean literally of energy, and figuratively. Its a stealthy destroyer of days and a cackling illumination of sound and sight- both debilitating and scary. It's the trifecta of suckage.

Collisions of Consciousness

two glass marbles
tink as they make contact
almost silent, yet a vibration occurs

until, with larger billiard balls
there is a crack
as if
they were attempting to shatter glass

the slow, increasing
ripple of splitting

each impact
a conscious collision
a non-choice to disrupt
displace
disturb
the settled energy
in the room

eyes take in the sight
iris' dilating
absorbing the light, refraction
reflection of atoms of radiance
waves of color
reverberating like the sounds

of marbles
billiard balls
colliding
forcing the air out of the space

each a story of shock waves
emanating
outward
a source of power
vicious

tink, crack
echoing science
with an insight both
visual and auditory


Ode to an Episode

migraines visceral
like a deliberate dismantling
of wits
aura's flashing
peripheral wiggling
disorientation

stomach ache arrives
a guttural shift of physicality
no longer cohesive
now a segment of focus
tightening, deep, brutal

tingling skull
then fingers numb
tap tap tapping
into a sensation of
empty existence

vision narrows
to a tiny speck
of who you were
a flicker of self

you close your eyes
feel the weight of it all
as the whole
pierces your soul

then you sleep

and wake up with a headache

Educational Ecosystems: Generalists and Specialists (143)

Community and Commonwealth

In any ecosystem, being a generalist means you have a greater advantage over someone who is a specialist. At least, in the sense you do not rely on one species alone. You have more flexibility in diversification.

There is a hierarchy, a chain, a web. If you are near the top, chances are you are a predator. Very top apex, hunter. Bottom vegetation. The middle levels of the trophic organization, leave room for the endless array of opportunities and living quarters.

Each a piece of the puzzle, a swath of paint, in the big picture. All the intricate details, interdependent. Some keystone elements, thus if they are destroyed or removed, the tower collapses. Specialists tend to stay close to home, habitat small, environment manageable.

Generalists tend to venture away from their protected space, they have a variety of delicious morsels they snack on. They might be omnivores, eating flesh and chitin, but they can also be carnivores and herbivores, with an eclectic palate.

Survival and sustainablility require flexibility. Adaptation. Instinct and a quick response time. During times of competition, generalists migrate, maybe climb a tree or two, to seek out other sources of nourishment. They wander in order to gain wisdom for the next season.

Like generalists and specialists in an ecosystem, in education, specialists tend to graze and nibble on one maybe two treats. This limits their range and their appetite. In any field, being a specialist can bring you genius status, purposeful practice, means a honing of skills.

But, generalists, at least at first, can acquire a broader range of knowledge. Then have options to choose from. Superstars have come from both a specialist and a generalist background. Some thrive off of diversity of tasks and learning, while others prefer a more fine-tuned approach.

Educational Ecosystems

Yet, education tends to favor the specialist. We tend to nudge students early, into academic courses, we see them excel in. We see potential and put them in sports, music and academic challenges that hone their specific talent. Sometimes we narrow their playing field.

The most effective learning is slow and riddled with mistakes and failures. Yet we set pacing guides. If we let the learning slowly accumulate, there will be longer lasting connections. Students will be more willing to fail, and try again if we lower the stakes, but raise the bar. If we focus more on grazing, rather than hunting.

Slow learning might feel and look inefficient, but it is quite the opposite.

Sustainability requires a bit of imagination. A lot of curiosity and an expansive tool box of feedback, reflection, honest critique and meaningful conversations. Growth comes not from passing a test, but from figuring out, something you didn't know before.

Specialists definitely are remarkable human beings. They achieve greatness. Generalists do too. They just might take a little longer to achieve it, because they are testing out the different habitats, climbing some trees and getting lost.

But school needs a new outlook. Children need to widen their approach. They need to have the protection of the herd, but also the fortitude to leave it.

I know this is nothing we haven't heard before.

But, it has been on my mind, especially with distance learning.

Mindfulness does not just mean being aware of how students learn, it doesn't just mean equity and equality. It means letting go of arrogance.

Mindfulness, makerspace, mental breaks- the 3 M's of any classroom, all flourish when we let our ego stumble- when we set ourselves upon the path of generalist.

When we continue to leave our pack and yet, follow them as well. Because we know, they know the fastest way to the nearest watering hole.

Change will come when we listen, for even the slightest snap of a twig- and rather than sprinting off in fear, we face the unknown and challenge it to a duel.

To change education- we have to hear a lot of snapping twigs. We have to get lost for a bit. Allow ourselves to hunt for new ideas, yet also keep our eye on our habitat. We have a niche, every educator does. But we need to step outside, of them every once in awhile, and climb a tree.

The view is spectacular and it brings much needed clarity in an educational ecosystem.

FOMO, The Heavy Burden of Connection (141)

Brutal truth- envy, jealousy and comparativeness is contagious. FOMO is alive and well. It flourishes in times of stress and anxiety. Its flashy and attractive- alluring and unfortunately, free. So, it is easy to hoard.

Worse than that, it is macabre and morbid- like the heavy chains, Marley is burdened with, in A Christmas Carol. Ghastly and pessimistic, it latches on, lengthening frequently, weighing us down, distracting us from our contentment.

It infects us with… I do not have. They are happier. They are more loved. I am less than. It leaves us blinded by desire and shielded away from what we actually have. When we are locked in its orbit, we succumb to its energy and power. We are often completely helpless.

After you have experienced it for a bit, you feel disheartened, even when you have reason to be joyful. Your experience was not as good as theirs, see their pictures? They are more popular; can you count their followers? An endless cycle, a never-ending succession of links- of comparison and yearning.

This is a strange time, people are more visible on social media, those who never had an online presence are jumping into the Internet frenzy. It is a sight to behold. But, as new ideas, new successes, new experiences are being posted- you doubt. Am I doing enough?

You can hear the metal scraping on the ground, as hindsight takes hold. A reminder, a hoarse croak of regret. A thick layer of anxiety, that yesterday- was blown away by the gentlest of breezes, now determined, has laid rest in a thickness, unavoidable.

The dust settles and you are left with a clarity, albeit it a tardy one. In the moment, the green monster rears its ugly head, no wits are about you. The sinking feeling of comparison is boiling. Why do we do this to ourselves? Everyone does at some point. FOMO is an inevitability.

A lot of podcasts, posts and blogs have been using the word grace, recently. Give yourself grace. This is the antidote to envy. The remedy to the anxiety caused by comparison. The key to unlock the padlock, that holds the negativity chain around us.

I have said this before. But, especially in this time of school years ending, educators feeling cheated out of ¼ or more, of a school year, we are all feeling vulnerable. We feel deeply angry at our loss. We all feel a bit of grief- and our grief and frustration cannot be comparative.

Our experiences are personal. Our ideals and hopes are unique. Our actions and interactions are meaningful, to us alone. We arrange ourselves in a way to make sense of our orbit, our cycles, our relationships. We teach, mentor, and inspire others with authenticity- and each of us contributes a magical, wondrous aspect to the world.

We have to be aware of this wicked emotion called jealousy, envy, FOMO. We have to curtail its effects. We cannot prevent it- but we can reason with it. Counteract it with positive mantras, personal daily reminders, and gifts to ourselves – verbal reinforcement, that we are awesome.

These daily check ins with ourselves – are essential for our emotional well-being. We need to ask ourselves four questions every day- to set a foundation of optimism and self-confidence.

- Am I collecting useful evidence today, or relying on mass data?

- Where are my blind spots today and how do I find them?

- Have you sent yourself an invitation to be happy today?

-Am I remaining authentic, true to myself, or am I comparing myself to someone else?

If we can focus on these- we can hopefully avoid the deep pitfalls of FOMO. Maybe skirt around it sometimes. It’s a precarious state of mind and if we don’t acknowledge it, own it, feel its curse- we will never be able to drop the heavy chain and cease the rattle of doubt.

Dread, Drudge, Dead End (139)

The purest word to describe the undercurrent- dread. We are going about the day to day routines and rituals of life- yet, paralleling alongside our actions is a sinking feeling. A sense of discomfort, even when our physical being is content, our emotional and mental state seems, to be in an ever-ending feud with calm and collect.

Conflicting data, one-sided reporting, self-congratulatory speeches- they all seem to unsettle us even more. Too dark a tint, on the windows of media frenzy, is keeping us blind in some areas. All we see is ourselves, in the mirrored glass- we feel wobbly in the glare. I know I do. So, I read tons of articles and listen to tons of podcasts, trying to catch a glimpse of the big picture.

We are all feeling grief. A loss of our former routines. A loss of our mobility and choice. A loss of those we may have lost to the virus. Grief is not comparative. Grief is individual and personal. Some of us may be impacted more by Covid-19 than others, but grief, knows not of the depths of tragedy. It simply knows it needs to manifest, if beckoned.

Our grief is drudging up unresolved issues. Painful experiences. Fears and doubts. For grief is also not selective. When we are holding its hand, like a magnet, it attracts all of our uncertainties and anxieties. So, we feel overloaded and heavy. The drudge pulls us down, even more into the quagmire of change.

This is not a dead end. More like a cul-de-sac- we will not be trapped in a pothole. We will make a U-turn and exit the loop. But we have to make sure we don't travel down a one-way street. We have to find the highways and boulevards, that branch out from the main thoroughfare and reach new destinations.

Change is here. Yet we are in a transitory state. In progress. We do not know the outcome as of yet. We are in the event, so we are still searching desperately for our escape route. We are slowly reopening, reconnecting, resurfacing. With hesitation. But the fluctuations of decisions are starting to have some cohesion. Now we wait.

Dread still underlies our footing, drudging up memories and vulnerabilities. We felt like we were at a crossroads, one way - dead end, another- unpaved, un-chartered, and most importantly untraveled. 

We chose the latter. This road is still gravel and dirt. Knobby, gnarled and lumpy. But we must traverse it, to find a smooth one. Buckle up, its going to be a bumpy ride.

The Knot of Not (137)

fibers, entangled
yet frayed
a heavy, pulling force
tremble and treble

twisted, matted, snarled
mass fastening of
grief, productivity and value
sacrifice, surrender

we have seen it
now we can't unsee it
forward momentum
transformation

knot of humanity
not
feeling safe
not
seeing abundance

so

not feeling enough
not broken
not ending
but beginning

knot of not
silence the din
listen for grace
clear the cynicism

knot of humanity
means not forgetting
not ignoring
not regressing

but

letting the disorientation
bring humanity together
we are all in this
together

Center of Her Own Attention (135)

She writes in prose, for the simplicity it involves.

The tension is where good things come out- where they are formed and congeal into the tangible. When she feels under pressure, she problem-solves.

All parts of society don't quite recognize one another anymore. Each a whole unto itself, each protected and isolated.

The scope can not be calculated.

What do you do with a new reality, new information, new procedures and protocols? Do they soften you or do they break you?

Or do they elevate you?

She is open to new ideas? She chooses option A- accept and endure.

It is her daily cure.

These new concepts however, rattle her world view, her sense of self. She somehow loses touch with responsibility and trust.

As she isolates and doubts- community is a must.

What is it like, she wonders.... what is it like to be a virus, not alive until you conquer. Spreading from host to host, causing havoc and health decline.

Either malignant or benign.

What would it be like to be that confident? To be that contagious, to cause so much fear, you shut down a society- from which you do not hail.

Few invasions have begun on such a large scale.

What would it be like to be a raconteur, to lighten the mood through poignant and accessible anecdotes and stories? To spread joy and laughter, instead of fear.

Year round holiday cheer.

She is the center of her own attention, she distracts through restraint, contingency, certainty.

She digs in to them earnestly.

She repeats "Never appeal to a mans better nature" especially in turbulent times, when everyone is focused on themselves.

Filling their refrigerators and shelves.

Hello world, is there something you want to tell her?

Verbal perambulation, she is surveying, touring the virtual landscape.

Her locale taking shape.

She has created her own municipality- She knows its borders, its neighbors, its fortification.

Its her personal nation.

For she is the at the center of it.

On the mayors thrown she sits.

Her attention wavers, fluctuates like an oscillating fan.

She is doing the best she can.

She is the inquisitor.

And if she focuses on her borough- she will be able to accept visitors.

I'm not trying to 'cause a big s-s-sensation- I'm just talkin' 'bout my g-g-g-generation (133)

Every generation has its circumstance, that changed society. Throughout history such encounters have shifted societal thinking and action. They have altered the path of humanity. 

We are well aware of the effects of the World Wars, Vietnam, assassinations, tragedies and catastrophic events throughout history. These resonating events are milestones of our actions and reactions.

Every now and then though a generation seems to bypass these global episodes. I am a Generation X'er, I hate the name but, there it is, that is my generation, I entering it, when I was born in the summer of 1969. 

I missed the 'flower power' era and previous conflicts. I grew up in the 1980's- a relatively calm time. One in which I found my footing and set course, into the larger world, beyond my home.

What I remember most is the before and after’s. Not the before and after’s of a cataclysmic circumstance, but the slow change of not having something- to suddenly having something. To have access to a world beyond my local community. 

To have devices that connect one to the global scene. I remember we had to use the Dewey Decimal System to find a book or magazine we wanted to read from the library. Now we can Google it.

I remember a time when we had 13 channels of basic television. Mostly local channels and the only time as a child, we could watch cartoons, was Saturday morning. Now we can watch on You Tube or yes, Google it.

I remember before the time of BetaMax and VCR's. If you missed a show, well too bad. That is what the book of programming was for. The wonderful anthology, of the week’s entertainment contained, in a pretty package. The TV Guide.

I remember having to sit right in front of the television- I my parent’s personal remote control. 

I vaguely remember 8-track tapes. But cassette tapes we my generations main source of music until CD's became the norm. A world of large packaging. Tower Records. Boomboxes. I had a Walkman. Now I have an iPhone, with all my music in one place.

Things shifted from owning in physical form to digital. Not only did cable television change my life, MTV allowed me to see the stories behind my favorite music. Everything was more vivid and the choice- wow, choice of music, movies, television became one of the hugest changes in my adolescence.

Within my lifetime phones changed from pay phones and rotary phones with giant cords, to wireless, short battery life contraptions. Then the large clunky, no cell reception, car phones got smaller and became basic cell phones. 

The first cell phones were used for talking and snapped shut, like tri-corders in Star Trek. They were cool. Now cell phones are used for texting and everything else with talking, being the least used function.

Our phones are our camera’s, personal computers, screening devices. Everything all bundled into a pocket-sized mainframe. We are always connected. Peoples whole lives are in their phones. 

It’s insane to think that 30 years ago, we had to leave messages with each-other’s parents so we could find out where the party was, or where everyone was meeting up for the night. 

There were more times than I care to remember, that I missed a party because I couldn’t contact my friends, or we got lost trying to find someone’s house.

For us Gen X’ers- our shift was global and indelible. I can’t believe there are generations born since, who don’t know what a pay phone is. Who don’t truly appreciate the fact, that they can contact someone, from just about anywhere on the planet. 

We started with minimal technology and ended our adolescence with computers, albeit basic ones. Those born post 90s, will never know what it was like to not shop on-line, or have access to Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.

I remember life before the technological revolution. When snail mail was all the rage. Now that I think about it- I remember before there were ATM’s, Target’s and HBO. 

I remember the first time I heard the HBO sound- you know the one- the static and the crescendo. The camera angle as the animation moved up the street into the theater. Leading us into Home Box Office heaven. Television used to be the main source of news and connection- now it is our portable device.

This current event, this pandemic is so monumental, its one for the ages. An event that all generations will share, as a turning point in society. It wasn’t slow and impactful, like my generation’s technological shifts. 

It gathered momentum and conquered its battle field, before we even looked up from our devices. 

The modernization that occurred within my generation and the next, created this technology and without it, we wouldn’t have access to the scope, of newsworthy material.

My generation and the millennial generation- shaped so much globally. I see the before and after of the last few decades. Most breakthroughs progressing our lives, making them better. 

But, this virus I am afraid, is going to shape and alter the future for generations to come. In both negative and positive ways.

Education, social gatherings, awareness of our surroundings, the way the news is reported and broadcast. Transportation, food and entertainment. It is endless.

It definitely has made a huge impact on me- not just from its danger, but from its subtle reminder to be appreciative and not take things for granted. 

Once upon a time, quite a few years ago, I turned thirteen and I got my own television in my bedroom. Not a flat screen or LED. But a basic tube variety. I got my own pink, cordless phone too and I thought I was living the high life. Little did I know both would be obsolete in my lifetime. I could never have guessed we would carry around our television, telephone and entertainment in our pockets. 

We had a few health scares during my adolescence, AIDS being the most wide spread and impactful. I had heard of pandemics, yet none had occurred even close to my lifetime. It had never crossed my mind, that it ever could.

Technology changed the world, Covid-19 is changing the world. 

I have seen 9/11, I remember the first school shooting. There have been awful things that have happened since I was an adolescent. But, also good things and I am happy I got so many before and after’s- they have shaped the way I think. They kept me open-minded and eager to find out what’s next. 

I think that is why my generation is so unrattled by huge changes- because we have been adapting since we were born. Everyone has. But, my generation was at the cusp of before technology and after. 

Things are nothing like they were when we were growing up, and we are alright with that. We remember and appreciate the journey. More importantly, we understand change is coming and know not to get too attached to our devices, cause soon, things will be completely different.

"I'm not trying to 'cause a big s-s-sensation- I'm just talkin' 'bout my g-g-g-generation." -The Who

Mother's Day 2020

For the last five years, I have been out of town, in either Dallas or Chicago at the nationals (NAQT) tournament for quiz bowl. The day consisted of finals and then waiting at O'Hare for a bit before flying home. A few years I had family with me, a few I didn't. A great trip but not really a day of Mother's and family.

This year we didn't get to go to nationals, it was cancelled. It was a blow for us as we qualified and worked very hard all year to get to go. But, I must say this is bittersweet- I hate not going with my team, I miss coaching my students, but I really have enjoyed being home with my family.

Today we played Deadbolt Society- a mystery solve game. If you haven't tried it you should. Each month is a different mystery to solve. I went back and bought back issue boxes- today we played Terminal and the Seaside Strangler. All six of us solving clues and puzzles. It was marvelous.

Restaurants are still not open so we ordered some Red Robin and ate together watching a movie. Family time is hard to come by, even with all of us together. Generally one or more of us are at work or doing homework etc. So today was nice to have all of us free and focused on being together.

I think quarantine has made Mother's Day more personal. Being home rather than out at a noisy restaurant. Not traveling, an opportunity for all of us to be together. All we were missing was my daughter and her family. But we spoke on the phone and Voxer. Having the boys and I together was a good day.

Solving the game, watching a movie, good food- a very good day indeed.

Forced and Unforced Errors (129)

Covid-19 has forced us to do a lot of things. Closures, isolations, redirections. There have been global shifts in every aspect of our lives. With this remodel, mistakes have been made. Like in tennis when the player is put into a situation where they make an error because their opponent made a good shot. The difficult situation we find ourselves in, was caused by a virus. A microscopic organism that took aim and hit a bullseye, literally shutting down society.

We had time pressure, we were moving, during its shot execution. We are still moving, albeit in isolation. But we are trying desperately to raise our racket and hit the ball back over the net. Our forced errors are obvious. Slow reaction time. Miscommunication. Disinformation. Even, personal responsibility took some time to take hold. We were in a state of disbelief and shock.

Unforced errors, those not caused by the opponent’s good shot, are also in abundance. They have been in place for a long time. Long before the virus’ first serve-advantage. The blame game, lack of preparation, judgment, and fear. Things fell into a cycle and this forced error, has broken it. We need to prevent the cycle from reforming- focus on breaking it and fixing the previous mistakes, we allowed to infiltrate society.

There is no longer us and them. We are all in this together. We have to look after one another. Words will continue to be spoken that will try to disenfranchise, enrage, and divide us. We must listen to the voice of reason. Our own voice of decency and compassion. But we must be realistic and ease back into a life we have fought for. We need to go back to a functioning community of business, commerce, and education.

I sit on the sidelines, net in the center, and watch as the ball is hit back and forth. Disagreements, bias, prejudice, self-interest. Each formidable in their serves. Each with percentages rising and falling- aces, winners, loves. Games starting and ending. The spectator’s heads shifting left, shifting right. Trying to keep their eyes on the ball. I am one of them and my neck is getting sore.

We are going to make errors- forced and unforced. We are going to ignore some, gloss them over, hope they go away. While others we will attack head on, racket at the ready. It is not just the newsworthy stories we need to focus on. We have to pay attention to the little things too- before they pile up and we lose sight of how to correct them.

Closing Up Shop: Blue Angels and Blue Skies (127)

May 6, 2019. What a roller coaster of a day. Clouds were beautiful this morning. Sun peaking through - it was yelling, this is going to be tough, but you will get through it. It felt gloomy, yet optimistic.

Then when I pulled into the parking lot there was a PTA designed sign on the lawn. Plus a yummy lunch from the PTA for Teacher Appreciation Week. There were very few people in the building, so it felt lonely. When I did pop into people everyone's face was covered behind a mask. Protective I know, but it would have been nice to see one another's smiles. It's been so long.

My classroom was like a time-capsule. Frozen in place, the last school day's agenda on the board. Our mindfulness wall still colorful and hopeful.

For four hours I took things off the wall, organized and dismantled the makerspace and put everything in boxed on the counter. This year we has to label every table and chair as out building is getting new floors and all of our furniture will be removed from the building.

We had to clean out our desks too. I found fascinating things in my desk- a mini 3D anatomically correct heart. A banana lego mini figure, an orange plastic train car- translucent, and a rubber-band stress ball, just to name a few. It was an hour long adventure. Much of the items I brought home to my ten year old who had his own adventure. Pretty cool.

For lunch we got to see the Blue Angels fly over head. It was cool. They flew over Houston in honor or first responders, front-line heroes and educators. It was pretty darn cool. Parents gathered in the parking lot- the other side, no one really huddled, other than a few teachers, masks on.

It was hot 94% and I got sunburned- but totally worth it

The 7/8 science team cleaned out the long-over due by the way, science store room. It was crazy. Masks and giggles. We finished in a few hours.

That's only one half of it. The other is a long hallway- everything was stacked on one side so the movable shelves can be taken out as the new floors are put in. The stuff we found back there- insane. Mini=generators, so much wood and PVC pipe we joked you could probably build a house. Exercise equipment, hoses, and some science stuff. We kept the science stuff, but had so much garbage it was easily two dumpsters worth.

Leaving for the day, I took one last look at my empty, closed up shop. I hope I am back in August. I hope I get to teach here next year and not entirely on-line. I hope I get to hear laughter and learning. Look my students in the eyes, without masks. I hope for a lot of things.

How Can We Fix It- If We Don't Understand Why it's Broken? (125)

Wrapped in Plastic

How can we fix something that's broken? Something so deeply flawed, we can't even find the corners to grasp on to, in order to remove the film. We are fumbling with flat surfaces, we can't seem to open, in order to create a vent, before we start the microwave.

The film of separation. The thick plastic coverings, that once adorned our grandparents furniture. Once felt protective, yet only prevented comfort and relaxation. The soft, fabric was visible, it lured us in, but always kept us at bay. This furniture, weighted down by the safeguard against children.

That sofa, you know the one- is a clear memory- 1970's green and brown. In today's standard ugly and dated, but back then it was the most beautiful thing, like the forbidden fruit, it lured me to take my seat many times. But I got burned by the pliable clear canvas of resistance. The same one I got stuck to, on warm summer day. The one that left a mark on the back of my legs.

Education sometimes feels like that sofa. Both nostalgic and guarded. Trying to appear welcoming and luxurious- but shrouded in a layer of preservation. But in fact, it needs to be stripped of its seemingly stable armor. We need to feel the heft of the cotton, the firmness of the cushions and lean back. Make a crease, leave a stain. Make the couch lived in and cherished.

We need to work from a place where something doesn't work, towards a place where something will. The pursuit of will. Not the acceptance of did. We know that plastic sheet, may have kept the fibers fresh, but it removed any sense of personal well-being. We had to sit on the edge, in constant fear we would be caught, or trapped.

Cherry Pie and a Cup of Joe

Twin peaks, one tree covered, tall and isolated. The other, welcoming, with gardens of possibility, entice the average hiker. They feel comfortable with the ascent. The incline of the other is too steep, too densely populated with oaks of yonder. Most of us make the climb we know we can do in an afternoon. For after our hike, we can enjoy our cherry pie and cup of joe, in a diner, next to Snoqualmie Falls.

The ice is slowly melting. The quarantine is creeping into a slow return to some hope of connection. Branches waking up, no longer dropping their leaves to conserve energy. Doors and windows are a little more open, allowing for the outside world, to blow away some of the cobwebs and dust. The frost is replaced by enthusiasm.

We can start to make education better only if we have boots on the ground. Only if we accept the system is broken. Let it out, let it in- the realization that things need to be fixed. We have been shuffling through a routine, meant for the many, not the few. Designed for the masses not for individuals. This doesn't work. We know unequivocally, it doesn't work.

"Passion is the fire you make when you rub two sticks together" We are all passionate, we all want what is best for our students- for every child who is learning and growing. We just need to pick up the sticks and start building the pyre of change. Every stick matters.

Previously on....

There was a fear of making decisions. Because if we did we would have to take something apart and examine its flaws. If we did, we would notice how truly overwhelming an overhaul would be. Huge endeavors take a lot of planning and lists, and painful conversations. All the little pieces are scary. Some get lost.

It's like looking at a room of plastic covered furniture. Shades, hues and shapes. Some love seats, some lounge chairs, others sectionals. Some have leather, while others fabric. Some have arms to rest yours upon, others are more like benches. Yet, covered with a thick barrier- we are hesitant to sit on any of them.

They seem forbidden. They appear to be just for show. But, education as we know- isn't for show. Its for progress. Its the construction, fortification, problem-solving, critical thinking, social emotional, collaboration, respect and responsibility of future generations. It is the room of sofa's. But a room in desperate need of "opening up for the summer" the removal of the sheets and coverings of winter.

The airing out of the must and dank, of elder seasons. The surfacing of the coziness, pleasure and above all else, the rising of creativity. New designs, merging of styles, solid colors and patterns, high backs and curved arm rests. A blending of what works and what doesn't. Improving and tweaking both are required for lasting change.

Breaking the Seal

We know what needs to change. But, before any of that can happen- we have to pull off the facade. The binding, plastic cloak we allowed ourselves to leave in place, because we were told to. We are the boots on the ground. We hear the battle cry of 'will' and the distant echo of 'did.'

So lets, start peeling back the overlay and sit directly on the furniture.

Feel the grooves, the sag. Smell the life that was experienced, while lying on it. Notice every thread barren edge, identify every blemish, blotch and smudge.

But rather than trying to erase them- embrace them.

Accept them as the beginning of something new, a reminder of our flaws in the system. This way it becomes less about fashion and exterior and more about durability and purpose.

Its a sofa, its a generational platform for the future and it is meant to be sat on. It will be spilled on and used as a place to watch television, read a book and learn stuff. We need to enjoy the couch- listen to it, it has a story to tell.

We need to break the seal. Unwrap the standards. Collaborate, anticipate and make the small changes within our grasp and join the cause- sit on every sofa you can. Make a dent. Leave an impression. Sit up straight or slouch, but pay attention- cause things are going to happen, watch and see.

How Can We Fix It- If We Don't Understand Why it's Broken? We are educators, that's what we do best. Tackle problems. So lets do this. Lets choose to have the painful, uncomfortable conversations. Lets take responsibility for the failure. Lets put our voices together into one large battle cry and scream- "Will, not did." It takes a village- and ours is huge.

Nothing and Everything to Say- Student Perspective on Learning- Part 1 (123)

I asked students what they thought expert meant, being perfect at something might feel like: They said expert is something you know a lot about, but also accepting you don't know everything. They also said that being perfect at something is impossible, because there are too many variables. All I can say is- I agree.

Permission Slip

I know I am a good teacher. Great, is a word that to me, evokes some kind of perfection. This I do not have- I make mistakes, I shy away from too much technology, and I focus my attention on the little things, small changes not big ones. Because, I feel that the large shifts can't occur, until the core is stabilized. If not, the quakes can me immeasurable.

I am not an expert on social emotional learning, in the mere fact I do not have a degree in psychology- yet. I am not an expert on all things education- not that I could be or want to be. I am great at a few things, above average at many things, and mediocre at some. I am not trying to be demeaning to myself at all- I am keeping it real.

My strength, my strongest teacher trait is I understand middle grades students, somehow I am the 'junior high student whisperer.'

I am just a teacher. I am not an administrator, school counselor or influencer/speaker on education. I focus more on my classroom than on bigger issues. I am a boots on the ground educator, in a classroom every day, interacting, reflecting with and learning from my students.

This is my tether to the larger landscape of our profession. This is my permission slip to contemplate and dismantle what I see as flaws in the system.

I want to understand why students behave the way they do, why they feel the way they do, and more importantly, how I can guide them in their adolescent endeavors.

We need to defeat defeated. Students often feel beat down, boxed in, over-extended, misunderstood, ignored and self-conscious. A state of mind, as an adolescent, I, as most of us, experienced every day when we were their age and even today.

The Stuff that Changes Us

Distance learning has magnified many of these emotions and negated some too.

I was curious about the trade-offs. How do students feel in this temporary shift from classroom to living room learning.

I wanted to know why, if they do, prefer their home-learning to my classroom. Or, why, if they do, miss our classroom community, and have a hard time accepting that we will no longer have that.

I sent out a survey to my students. I asked for brutal honesty and helpful hints to make next year better. What I got, was brutal honesty and helpful hints to make next year better.

In other words, they signed my permission slip. The following, and tomorrow's post, is an amalgamation of their responses. I used their words, their imagery, their vision.

Sponge and Mirror

I feel like a sponge. Just placed in a bucket to absorb as much water as I can- I'm saturated. I miss the interaction, camaraderie we have in our classroom. We would laugh and have fun with the content. That is what made it relevant. Now everything feels ordinary.

I don't have to get dressed, do my hair and feel comfortable in my own skin. I look in the mirror and even with messy hair and eye boogers I can finish my geometry homework. I like the no zero's aspect of learning and that we can turn stuff in late with no penalty.

I prefer to work at my own pace, I spend each day of the week on a different subject. This helps me organize my week. But, if I don't stay organized, I get lost mid-week and give up. I prefer physical assignments, not necessarily group work, but paper in front of me directions or using the makerspace to tinker and build something.

I miss the big picture. The taking everything we do individually and making something with it. Finding a way to connect everything together at the end of the week. Motivation is a struggle when I have a lot of pieces and no deeper set of instructions or guidance to put it all together. I know we have chats and conferences- but I still feel isolated.

Paint on the Canvas

The computer is like a paintbrush and Canvas (our district platform) the literal canvas- but my brush strokes seem more watercolor, runny and pastel, rather than vibrant colors. There seems like something is missing. The content is way easier, I get done really quickly then I don't really remember any of the information.

The workload is a lot simpler and I don't feel challenged. In class we are given a problem to solve- I feel challenged and awake, at home I feel half asleep and bored. I miss my friends yes, but I can talk to them on the phone. I guess I miss you joking around, I miss the interactions we had as a class- you always made us feel like a team.

A Beginners Mind

We are lucky because this content is easy. I shudder to think how it would be if we were learning Genetics or Human Anatomy in this format. I really did not like visual notes or on-line discussion questions, but now I miss them. I don't like having everything on the computer.

Responsibility of my actions and staying organized is something that is very difficult. I don't feel the need to get my stuff done on time, or to even spend much time thinking about the content. There doesn't feel like a reason to know this stuff. It feels like memorization not application. I miss doing stuff together as a class.

I hated stations. I loved labs. I loved makerspace stuff. But, having to work in groups was annoying, so I guess I prefer distance learning because now all the responsibility is on me. I don't have to rely on anyone else for my grade. Grades seem less important now- they don't matter, how can they?

I want to be in the classroom because it felt like an experience, an adventure. Now learning feels like a chore. Just something the government tells us we have to do. Choice is gone. I know I can draw or make a podcast, but I want to be able to do a puppet show or skit in front of the class.

We are all beginners at this distance learning stuff. Now that we are six weeks into it- its easier, but not fun at all. Just tedious. Next year, I hope we are in a classroom. Somewhere where we can use mindfulness, like you did to help us feel closer as a group. I miss the morning prompts and mindfulness discussions. It made me feel connected.

Full Speed Ahead

Nothing and everything to say. Students had a lot to say about distance learning, classroom learning, social-emotional learning, mindfulness and community. Tomorrow I will share their tips on how to make sure my classroom stays positive, mindful and fun next year.

What I found most interesting on part one of my survey- how much mindfulness was brought up. How much not having to feel self-conscious was mentioned. How feeling connected is missed. I totally expected the less work comments, the flexibility of grades responses, but never expected their desire for challenge and problem-solving.

See- learning is something they enjoy- the big picture is something they are seeking. Relationships are crucial, but individual, personal struggle and challenge is something they yearn for too. In other words, balance is everything.