Waking Up and Smiling

 It's quiet. Only the air flowing through the ducts humming a calming sound. A gentle force, pinging and ponging on occasion but it is consistent with its flow. I sit in a dim classroom, my second home, or so it feels. Entering into a dark hallway in the morning, few teachers, it feels haunting some days, still, somber. That hour of transition from mom to teacher. I smile at these moments- reflecting on those positive moments that keep me coming here day after day.

There is a gap, a wedge that caused students to stumble and grasp on to the air for support. They haven't quite gotten their groove back. Even last year we had two weeks of Covid-related or weather related closures. It weighs heavy on them. Some still in Zoom mode and lacking the social skills to compensate. Some classes are full of those students who have just given up on behaving appropriately- laughing at the negative points on their roster. "I'm at 9" - "I'm only at 5" - they get ten before they are suspended or expelled.

Other students are silent- eerily quiet- hair pulled down covering their faces in an attempt to become invisible. I talk to them as much as I can. I've gotten them to work in pairs and interact with their peers. But they struggle as all students to find their flow, like the ducts in this once factory nor school veneer. These mornings that I feel positive are weening. I usually have more good than frustrating days but this term- for the first time in 21 years- more frustrating then good and its depressing. 

Luckily I do have two classes that are full of juniors and seniors- vibrant and funny. Engaged and dedicated. These lift me up. These keep me motivated to go up and beyond. So today I smile. I look forward to this next week bringing finals and closure to this term. I am hoping for a term more satisfying for my educational spirit. Every 22 days I changed students and course- it's got its positives and negatives- but today, today I smile because I got a good nights sleep and I found my flow- pings and pongs will occur- but I am open-minded and positive today.

Smiling.

Waking Up and Frowning

 Some days education just sucks. Over taxed you force yourself to go into a classroom where you feel underappreciated. Students not doing work (with little consequence) extensions given (required) and still missing assignments and failings. You try everything: incentives, engagement and class time allotted to complete. But, still those who will not engage on your most fulfilling lessons will not do assignments. They are disengaged and frustrated with life. Angsty teenagers. High school is vastly different than the middle school I am used too.

I feared they would be hypervigilant, concerned about every grade. For about half that is the case. But the other half are repeating classes and the second and third time around- still don't care.

I feel deflated after hours of prep and organization and these students still won't engage- still won't do work. I wake up with a frown some days. It takes all my strength not to switch professions. This is the first term in 21 years of teaching where I truly feel like giving up and moving on.