A Cape of Good Hope: Student-Teacher Interactions

Trust is not given lightly, for most students. They size you up. They push the boundaries to change the shape of the box. They smudge the lines. They focus on your attitude, your demeanor, your words. Especially your facial expressions- even behind a mask your eyes tell a story. A day to day tale every student is gripped to, like a fantastic novel, written just for them.

But as we all know from experience, some students need a little extra attention. 

Some hide from any sort of interaction- hoping, praying you do not call their name or walk up to their desk. 

But most students, they want to converse, step into your bubble. Little ones they crave it, they need it. High-Schoolers, they want you to think they don't care- their nonchalant desire, worn like a cape of strength. But middle schoolers, junior high students- they aren't so good at the masquerade.

I am the corny teacher. I tell corny jokes, wear a colorful pair of Keds or Sketchers daily- a quirky t-shirt too. I say hello to everyone as they enter the room- smile a huge grin from behind my required facial covering. Sometimes I get a hello in return, sometimes a glance and shuffle. But, I am relentless. Every day a hello, using their name. Eventually I get at least one or two responses. 

My virtual classes are much larger. 30-35 faces on a screen all staring back at me. Its a bit daunting. But, I choose a few names per day to greet individually, as they are beginning their science-starter. I say them aloud- sometimes they respond verbally, others in the chat box. It has taken a little bit longer to get them to warm up to me. But we have a good rapport. 

I make the same corny jokes on Zoom that I do in class. But, my demeanor is different. Sitting in a chair creates a certain aura that you lose in a face to face classroom. The act of mobility itself- creates a sense of blending and ebb and flow- you miss this fluidity in a virtual classroom. So I have to work extra hard to use my hands, and lean in and out of the camera- to create a sense of urgency.

I guess it does come down to that in a nutshell. Engagement is all wrapped up in a sense of urgency. Like, if you aren't listening, you are going to miss something. As if the gripping story that is leading their school lives day to day, has a huge plot twist unfolding. They need the twist, not the long drawn out narrative. They need the character development, the arc, the mystery. That is how students and teachers learn to interact, build relationships. Move the plot forward.

We all wear capes: the small ones that help us fly- and look cool. Or the heavy hooded ones shrouding our faces on those days we feel overwhelmed and frustrated. We hide ourselves as much as they hide themselves. But, it is the interactions that matter the most these days. The eye contact, the smile and yes (I am going to admit here) fist bumps and handshakes. That is why we have hand-sanitizer right?

So I have a few athletes who have been a bit restless and a little withdrawn. They grunt more than they speak. They have tried desperately to avoid making any sort of effort to connect with me. I tried by using their names, telling corny sports jokes, talking about their games and lives- to no avail. Only being met with one word responses and rare eye contact. 

So I decided to create a unique handshake with one of them. My most challenging, my most uninterested student. So I asked him "Do you want a secret handshake?" He stopped dead in his tracks. "A handshake, he asked?" I responded, "Indeed, a silent hello. Then after, we can use hand-sanitizer." He smiled, thought about it for a moment or two- then came up with a quirky grasp, wiggle and thumb wrestle hand-shake. I fumbled on purpose a few times, giving him the opportunity to teach me.

Every day sense, we have done this handshake as he has enters my classroom. Then I squirt some hand-sanitzer in his hands. A routine, a ritual- a bond.

Then as one would expect, the other athletes saw this and low and behold- now I have six unique handshakes with different students. Other students laugh and watch as we do this daily. It is an event that has brought my class closer together. These students are more interactive in class. They say hello to me in the hallway. They wave. They smile. They interact. Our cape is our handshake.

Be quirky. Be you. But also make sure you bring a little oddity into the mix. That's what makes a great story. The unexpected twist of a handshake. The huge smile that may seem unnoticed- but that lightens the burden of those around you. 

A handshake, a smile- they unfurl the cape. Words of kindness, patience, compassion- they are the wind that gets the cape soaring behind you. 

Unfurl your cape. Whatever your cape is. Unfurl it and engage. Create urgency and a sense of surprise. Believe in the story, for it is the reason we wear our capes. Capes are our demeanor, personality, attitude and charisma. They are our moments where THEY teach us, where a gesture of a handshake changes everything. 

Cape, handshake- smile, words of kindness. Be a superhero. That is what they need right now. That is what we need right now. We all need a good superhero.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Lift Off

There are a lot of lists coming out these days. Top tens of the last year. 5 things not to do. 20 things to do this year to be stronger, faster, better. But it all comes down to one thing- not one word or goals, intentions and the like. Just one thing- you. How you see the world. How you see yourself in the world. What you want to do to make your life better.

Self-help books sell abundantly because they offer a quick fix. A set of guidelines that claim to work. Maybe they do for some people. But, will reading books about diet, resilience, and happiness make you thinner, more motivated and happier? Temporarily maybe. They might just be the spark you need to see the flame of growth, renewal.

I must admit I have read many a self-help book in my fifty plus years. I have dieted, exercised and changed my habits. Only to sneak back into my old ways. I figured out after a lot of trial and error that all of the suggestions dictated by others- only placated my sense of belonging. It made me feel like I was fighting 'the man' just like everyone else. I was bucking the system because everyone else was too. It gave me a sense of community- residence in that same village everyone else claims to be a member of.

I see the world uniquely- as most of us do. So why do we struggle so much to try and see the same way others do. Is that yearn for acceptance that powerful? Indeed it is. But, for those of us who have never quite fit in- it seems to be a pull of orbital proportions. It syncs us in someone else's revolution and rotation. Spinning us effortlessly into a path not of our own.

Goals, intentions, expectations are never anyone else's to give. They might be offered and we might accept them- but to no long term avail. We do not feel honest with ourselves and thus we revert back to a place where we do. This cycle is constant. This rising of the moon and setting of the sun is daily. It is unavoidable unless we set our circadian to our own clock.

Be true to yourself. Invest in yourself. But before you can do that- you have to find yourself. The sayings go. But, I think we know where we are, we know what we need, we understand ourselves. We just have to find the humility, to trust ourselves- and not blindly rely on others to shape us. It is the carving and chiseling that is the hardest. We are often afraid of digging too deep.

Resolute. Admirably staying the course. Being willing to bend and stretch. Veer and leap. All the while holding firm on where you need to go. Finding purpose, relevance and meaning. Isn't that what self-help is all about. Self-advocacy. Self-reliance. Some of us need clear, concise ways to make this happen. Thus a self-help industry. Some of us need to find it in ourselves or it will never stick and become permanent change.

Which ever you need. Invest in yourself. To be better, stronger, faster- you have to envision it first. Imagine the muscle strength, imagine the success, imagine the effort and determination. Only then can action take over. We can not teleport to a better us. Nor can we skip steps or read to the last page of the book. We must invest. We must entangle ourselves in the hard work and effort. That is the only way we can truly build the tissue mass into muscle strength.

Our brains are muscles after all. In order to strengthen our mindset we must exercise our will, our endurance, our self-worth. We have to feel it in every electrical impulse, shooting through our nervous system. We have to practice. We have to repeat. We have to trust our instincts and do it over and over and over until we feel confident. Then our muscle will sync with the impulse and we will be able to change.

This new year is not one of huge upheaval or massive course redirection. It is for me a year where I lift the weights and run the marathons and stretch my sore muscles so I can do it over and over again. It is about the incremental steps needed to accomplish what I see as a journey of endurance. That is what I have planned on the menu. Simple training of my mind and body in order to reach where I know I need to go.

I hope that for everyone out there, that you invest in yourself. Not with exercise equipment necessarily. Or books abound written by someone else. But that you write your own story. Page one is empty- so pick up a pen and start scribing your adventure. Believe in your intentions. Invest in your intentions. They are yours alone. 

Write your prologue, write your chapters and no matter where your story takes you- keep investing. The greatest investment is in ourselves- for that is the only investment we control 100%. The interest, the dividends, the profit. We control it. You control it. Earn grace and hope every day- put it in your savings account- you will need it throughout the year. Spend what you need. Save more. 

My first deposit is today. Right now. I invest in me. I believe in me. I trust myself. I am writing my own story. I own the publishing rights. #2021Write52 my pace, no one else's. My words, my parse or elaboration. My imagery or directness. It is mine and I will go where no one has gone before- because it is literally my universe, my orbit, my spacecraft, my space. I am pilot, astronaut- I am flight plan, launch and landing.

Count down.....5, 4, 3, 2, 1