The Sunburst Through The Haze (A Classroom Sunbeam)

Getting to know students is the foundation to every classroom community. Looking them in the eye day after day, telling stories, learning about each and every one of your students. It is what makes teaching so incredible- the breakthrough moments where you connect and bond. It can take mere days with some students, and months with others. Especially now that we are wearing masks (at least in my school) and it was a tough year virtual learning for so many students. The balance is slow this year- but when it happens it is shiny and bright.

At my school HS courses last 44 days and MS classes are 88 days. I teach both. Having my middle schoolers for 88 days makes it easier to make this connection. But my high school courses have been a bit of a struggle- not only are high schoolers more aloof and distanced but the standards are many and time is so full of covering all the content it is difficult to do my mindfulness lessons and just having moments to get to know each other. This term, my first with HS is in week 2. So I am still learning names and personalities.

Today, we had a breakthrough. A beam of light peeked through the clouds and lit up the room. I gave each student a fortune teller - about metals and noble gases and the trends of the periodic table.

They played a review game with a partner and were having a great time. The quiet students started talking to me - "This is such a cool way to study- I used to love playing with these when I was little." A simple childhood memory created a bonding experience like no other. It was awesome. Then I had them create InstaBoard messages (like Instagram messages) and they had fun on a 2 minute timer summing up their days knowledge into messages we added to our InstaBoard.

It was a good day. I have only had one full week of classes with these classes- then we had Thanksgiving Break. So this week has been a bit of a challenge to get them engaged and interactive. But a few quick review tools to get them collaborative was what we needed. Finally, they worked collaboratively on a card sort about periodic trends. I left the conversation up to them and just listened.

"I feel better about all this periodic table stuff- these activities are cool."

"Fortune Tellers are so awesome- they remind me of grade school."

"The Insta message made me think quickly about what I knew about this stuff- it also helped me see what I don't know and what I need to study tonight."

I have always taught middle school. So these last two weeks with high schoolers has been a bit of a learning curve. Teaching both middle school 3 times a day and high school two classes a day definitely makes the day interesting. But isn't that what education is all about? The adventure. Sometimes we just need a map, others GPS and a flashlight- others we need to go back to our roots and remember why learning is fun. Why smiling and reminiscing is a sunbeam- a lure into the present for the doldrums that blow in this time of year.

Good day indeed. As Malcolm Reynolds and the crew of Serenity would say "Shiny."

Leaping and Hopping the Lilly Pad

There is a Victoria Lilly that can be 10 m across and hold the weight of a small human. That fact came to me in the Daily Atom- a science email I get throughout the week. This struck me as a wow moment. Lilly pads are the resting area for frogs and bugs. They are green, glorious launch sites of many a hopping or flying fauna. 

Great painters have painted them in detail. Photographers have captured their subtle strength on  Kodachrome. They seem like the scenery, yet they are vital to the lives of so many. They seem still and weak upon the swampy or clear waters of lagoons and lakes. Yet they are floating masterpieces.

Somedays I need the Lilly-pads to anchor me so I can focus. Or to give me my footing to leap to the next. They are very much part of my classroom routine- brain breaks, mindful moments, exit tickets. But, they are more than that. They are symmetrical and circular, they are flat and secure. They absorb the light and soak the moisture and all the while survive in a calm demeanor.

Appreciate the Lilly-pads- the moments where you can pause and look around. The moments where you can stretch yourself thin and conquer your routine, or provide a resting spot for others to do the same. Outcome not goal. Float. Grow. Photosynthesize. Flower. Rest. It is a tactic very much human, yet remaining in the flora realm.

I appreciate the calm. The mindful. The orientation where I can thrive. I a Lilly-pad as much as the frog leaping atop its surface. I a writer, a teacher- more importantly, a mother, a wife. Identity vast, process expansive because it is forever warping and changing as I do. Yet my core- is simple, circular and steady. This I believe is the embodiment of growth.

An Educators Focus- Listen, Read, Fret, Reflect

I finally started my book. I have been etching into it with blogs and Tweets for a while now. So I felt I needed to steer away from blogs and more into my long-term writing. I have been carving out a groove of reading student survey results, fretting over the comments, listening to podcasts and Ted Talks and trying to make sense of what it means to be an educator. I am becoming a stronger listener- a skill I believed I was good at, only to realize I was much better at anticipating and prompting than actually listening. 

I fret a lot- not just about the tumultuous times we are navigating through, but also am I a good educator, mother, wife? Am I truly present if I am contemplating my roles almost every second of the day? I have spent the last year gathering data from students with one-minute check in’s and survey’s but also by observing their mannerisms and how they interact with me. Students are fantastic fakers- they have learned to smile and say the right things. We have taught them that. But more so, social media influencers have demonstrated how to use your smile and facade to rise to the top. 

The art of listening is a dying portrayal of humanity these days. Blue glows of computer intrigue-spotting the landscape. Most people head down, rather than up. Phone calls are now texts. Campfire and porch story-telling now Ted Talks and podcasts. We have lost the visual- the subtle stances and positions one takes as we are in conversation. We have lost the greater than 45 second monologues- to soundbites and scrolling. So we instead try to interpret our students based on the realism we face today- that of quick bursts and carefully worded bulletins.

I love feedback- negative but constructive as much as positive and helpful. I understand that the overly positive is often just as overdone as the hugely negative. At least in my situation. At my current school, students fill out surveys two times a quarter about their experiences with teachers and classroom learning. Then at the end of the quarter- you switch students. Every quarter (44 school days) you get a clean slate, a totally new classroom vibe to create. I struggle with this, but I also appreciate it. Quarter one just finished- my first- and now, come next week I will have new students.

The feedback is useful- I believe both for students- to have a voice and take responsibility for their learning. If you are not getting what you need as a student- you need to say something. But also for teachers, it can be skewed of course- the questions were not written or designed by teachers. But it is a helpful tool for reflection and growth. Sometimes students are brutally honest but in a good way, sometimes they are just mean (I haven’t seen this as of yet), and some are overly nice and sweet with little constructive advice. The reports we receive only show anonymous responses, our ranking against school averages, and our scores out of 5.

The first one I got was fair constructive advice. Nothing bad about me at all except for some of my strategies used in class. They were too advanced for some, confusing for others. Some said I showed too many video clips. Looking back, maybe so. So the next term I cut back. I changed my strategies. This last survey at the end of the term was more favorable- yet not everyone was positive. A few still had negative things to say about on-line classroom organization or having to read articles. You will never get 100% positive responses, but if by some chance you do, you have to look past the facade and know that not everyone responds with the truth. Not to say that no one deserves 100% perfect scores- but in reality, it just isn’t real is it?

Both times I received my survey reports, I fretted. I read the responses- yes they have room at the bottom to write comments- and I saw many “She is the best,” “I love her class,” “I felt safe and comfortable.” I did not get anything negative about how I treat students or listen to students or help support students. Mostly my criticisms came from the difficulty or organization style of my classroom. So I try to change accordingly. But, I went back to both surveys and re-read the comments. Looked deeper at the score of each question- and I tried to really understand their point of view. This survey is not about me entirely- it says a lot about them too. 

Having the ability to read these reports is so important. Yet, uncomfortable and I can say it causes me stress. Not because I feel like a bad teacher, I know I am not. But, because I read them and I can remember a situation I was in- we were in as a class- where I did the realism response- quick blurbs and well worded bulletins. I can remember myself taking the short-cut. This makes me angry with myself. But, I show myself grace. I feel stronger knowing I am not shrugging off the failures, the circumstances where my students felt the need to write a comment about my organization style. I am forcing myself to learn from them.

We can not be ringmasters and drum majors every day. Guiding the circus of spectacular lessons or leading the marching band of symphony and harmony. Most days are not trapeze acts and half-time shows. Pretending they are can lead to over-stimulation and exhaustion for both teachers and students. Some days are quiet picnics in the park or gentle hikes. If we do not allow for both- we are not being honest with ourselves. We are not being mindful of our students. Short-cuts are expected. Reading days or think-pair-share days are just as important as makerspace, engineering, debate days. But how we organize them is key.

I think my book is coming along- it is focused on this idea that realism is necessary. Those seeds we plant, do indeed thrive when we plant them and nurture them- but if we overwater or block them with bigger and taller- they can get shaded and wither. I think that this feedback I face two times a term will just encourage me to face my frets and failures- for which I have some. I am a great teacher, but my creativity, consistency and compassion have made me so. My short-comings are tools that- I need to choose- to use. For growth often comes from the adversity from lacking, rather than the abundance of good fortune and skill.

Listen, unplug, undistract and read. For wise are our students. Observe how they say things, their posture, their prose. They often hide behind a need to be liked by their teachers- so they are not truly honest about what they need. Read surveys, provide them if you don’t use them already- let them be anonymous to get honest answers. Take some responses lightly for not everyone is going to like you as a teacher- it stings to accept- but it is the truth. Fret less and sew more. Sew together the constructive responses into a working reflection- then into a pivot plan so you can make changes. 

I am a reflective, reasonable, rational person. I read so many social science and psychology books it's insane. I read books by educators, researchers and historians. I thrive on making connections. Understanding how my mind works, how my students observe and interact with the world. But this is just the edge of the map- of my alchemy and modulation. The center of my frame is the landscape where I get joy from the uncomfortable truth about myself, as much as I cringe at it. But together the cringe and joy lead me to continue to look in the mirror. For the reflection- is why I became an educator in the first place. Absorption, remodelling, epiphany and abundance. What about you?

Teaching Silently- When We Observe, We Conserve

A quote in my classroom that I use often is "It is more important to take notice, than to get noticed." At first, they struggled with this. I struggled with this. Often teachers are like a bull in the heather, making some noise, flattening the stalks. But when we change our dynamic in the classroom- when we become active listeners, when we are whistling away in the dark rather than waving our flashlight- we create a landscape of self-learners, student-centered classrooms.

When students get in the habit of discussing the content, asking higher level questions, looking at data, researching more layers, finding their favorite way to collaborate- they create a learning space of their own design. It may be a classroom assigned to us, a number, a hallway, a location- but the space is theirs and we need to make sure we remember that.

Learning is a choice. Engaging is a choice. All we can do is get them to think outside their comfort zone as much as possible. Visual, auditory, tactile, a combination of the three. Level 1 questioning, level 2 questioning, level 3 questioning. Scaffolding, chunking, remediation. Maslow, Piaget, Bloom. These are our reference points. These are our strategies. Our students have very different outlooks when it comes to learning, to remembering, to processing, to formulating ideas, to assimilating and adapting.

Students only know if something is challenging. If the topic is interesting. If the lesson engages them. They do not need to or want to know why we designed it in such a way. What they care about, honestly, is are they getting the content, are they understanding the big picture, are they going to master it- get a good grade. We need to tug at them a little more, get them away from a grade focused mindset and more into a growth one. I know we say this a lot in education. But it is harder than it sounds.

We can’t make them want to learn. We can’t make them focus merely on growth. They see the letter or percent as absolute. They see the assessment as preparedness- not a gradual slope. We try so hard to focus on the process. The path. I know I do. I have set up a great lab, I have designed a platform for debate and seminar style learning. I think that they see the value, understand the why- then they say, “If I follow the rubric, I will get an A right?” A rubric is important. I know this- but often it becomes the grout, the only way they can lay down their tiles.

We can’t remove grades (I wish we could), we can’t remove rubrics (they are important), we can’t rely on classwork alone- we need markers, check points, assessments of some kind to measure growth. So how can we design them to keep students growing? To keep them adventurous. To keep them motivated and challenged? We let them help us design the learning space. We let them create lessons. We let them show us- through choice and independence. They need guideposts, they need a topographic map- but the physical map, the road map- it needs to be in their handwriting, in their color scheme.

Here are some strategies I use to help mitigate my voice. I must remind myself to remain silent sometimes. I must remind myself to tiptoe and just watch- because they do amazing learning when I observe. For when I observe, I conserve, I conserve the creativity, indulgence, and construction of students to them. When they ask me directly, I respond? But I leave things vague enough to where they struggle a bit. I find struggle draws them in, this way they are paving the road at their own pace. The asphalt needs to be hardening as they move past the speed bumps. Some are pouring it faster than others- this is how it should be after all. If we want learning to be chosen, we must give them the time to choose.

Strategies to Observe

Fishbowl- give students a topic, ask one student to take the lead. One generally will because someone in your class will love the topic or heard something about it at least and want to share. Have this student sit in the center of the room. Then they will tag each other out and continue the conversation. Sometimes it goes off on a tangent. But that is a good thing- it means they are looking at the big picture. I generally redirect if it goes too far off course.

Skits, Pictionary and Charades- I use this a lot for vocabulary or big concepts. I put the words or topics in a bowl, and they choose one. Then their group acts it out (silently) or draws it on the board. It is fun to watch them do this. They get creative and it is very visual to reinforce the vocabulary and concepts.

I am- I let them choose a concept or vocabulary word and then they walk around the room and discuss their choice with three different people. They cannot use the same words twice so every new person they have to have a different way to describe it. Then everyone sits down and shares their word with the group.

Mindful Minute- A great brain break is to have students think of a word that describes themselves. By giving each student a letter that their word must start with, it prevents duplicate words. Then have students rotate ten times in one minute. All they need to do is tell each other their word. Tell each other why the word describes them. Then after they sit down, have them write down all ten words. Many can’t remember more than 2 or three. This prompts a discussion on active listening.

Brain Break Bonanza- On Friday’s I ask for five volunteers to run the brain breaks the following week. I tell them they have 2 minutes. They can’t be super loud or crazy. They can choose what to do for the brain break that day. We have had meditation, singing a particular song, trivia questions, etc. It is a fun way for them to engage in all aspects of the class.

Get Out and See the Sun- I let students vote two times a week to go outside for a 5-minute break. It can't be while I am teaching or while group work is being done. But as we are transitioning - someone will say “Get Out and See the Sun”- then we vote. If the majority wants to - then we go outside, and they run around or meander about for 5 minutes.

Strategies to Conserve

Podcasts- I create a podcast before assessments as a REMEMBER THIS program to help students’ study for quizzes etc.

Doodle Time- At least 2-3 times a week after we have had a class discussion or notes- I ask them to just doodle. Doodle anything that reminds them of what we discussed- or just an appropriate doodle to distract for a minute. A one-minute doodle fest works to help them settle before we transition.

Graffiti Wall- The graffiti wall is about vocabulary from the class and drawing images that will help others remember it. But it is also a place where they can write a quote or emotion. Just a way to share how we are feeling. I say to keep it positive and light. I also have a large glass fishbowl where they put a piece of paper they write on- if they are feeling anxious or negative and then I speak with them during the 1-minute check-ins each week.

1 Minute Check-In- Every week I speak to every student for 1-minute minimum. Sometimes we go longer. It is away from everyone else in a quiet corner where we talk about anything they want. If they have nothing to say- I ask them questions to prompt them to start a conversation about anything. Personal or academic.

 

Their Eyes Tell the Story: Figuring Students Out

Covid-19 has changed the field of education, as well as just about all other aspects of our lives. What was once largely based on learning faces, hearing their loud and clear voices, and watching them smile and laugh- is now muffled and covered. It feels weird to never see their curious and engaged faces. It is a world of masks. A classroom of sterile learning and hidden emotions. I don't know about you- but it has been challenging to put a name to a shielded appearance.

I loved hearing laughter and conversations buzzing. Now it is difficult to hear them. I am almost constantly asking students to talk louder so I can hear them from behind their masks. I still do group work, albeit in smaller groups (isolated to assigned tables). There is no makerspace, students should not be sharing supplies. But I do have some markers in a bucket and students wash them down with sanitation wipes. It feels very different than years past.

I had some classes in person last year, when many were 100% virtual- so I got to see their shining, eager faces every day, at least some of my students. It was surreal last year, mask covered conversations led me to really pay attention to my students eyes. Eyes tell a story, we are just used to the tales coming from the verbal. I miss seeing their smiles- it does really help make connections. But, I think we are all getting used to interacting from behind a cloak or veil.

Recently I have been having students express themselves using only their eyes. Going wide for surprise or looking down if they feel sullen or confused. We are making sure we use our eyes as a form of expression when our words seem distant. I ask them to also use their hands a lot more to express themselves- crossed fingers for restroom break, a fist for confusion, two fists for I understand. Little subtle action that can be seen from across the room.

But voices are the human bridge- they are the vibration that winds together to form the tether between us- teacher and student. So I have trained myself to speak slower, louder and more direct. If they can't see my facial expression, they often don't understand my intent. I repeat myself more than I have in the past. I ask them a lot of questions. The eyes tell the story- if I use my eyes as a guide with my verbal tone- it helps them focus and engage.

There is a lot of computer use at my new school- Chrome Books in class, Google Classroom, and I do use them- but I feel hands on learning is still so critical- it is more so after a year of many of these students being isolated on Zoom or Google Meets. They need interaction. They need to make eye contact and hear student engagement happening. So daily we are playing with Lego or drawing comics, or writing songs and skits. The more they interact and collaborate the better.

Mindfulness is still integrated into my #teachmindful classroom. We watch "Mindful Minutes" videos on You Tube, write mindfulness prompts and have classroom discussions on how we feel, what is stressing us out. It is so important that students feel the freedom to share their emotions- because a mask hides them. They need the chance to let loose too, and just be kids.

Figuring students out this year- these last three weeks- has been fun. A bit rocky at first, again masks hide their personalities. But, I have been playing Spotify music (modern classroom appropriate songs) to let them sing while they are working on projects. I have been talking a lot about their interests and telling jokes and getting silly. This has let me see their eyes smile. Even behind their masks I have begun to hear their excitement more and see them engage more.

It is not going to be back to the way it was pre-Covid- classrooms with more organized chaos and makerspaces, stations and moving around the room freely- any time soon. It is about precautions and safety protocols now. But, we can create safe ways for students to collaborate. We can keep things clean and sterile all the while learning in a fun, interactive classroom. I strive for that every day. I take lessons and tweak them every morning to have a twist.

These twists keep them safe, keep within the safety protocols but also gives some surprise. A new way of doing things so they feel the unexpected amongst the routine. My eyes tell a story too. I widen them when I am speaking, I use my hands a lot when I am speaking to them, and I am overly animated sometimes. This pulls them in. The more we use our eyes to communicate the more we will feel a deeper connection. That is what they are seeking most of all, after the last year, to feel a part of a classroom, a school, a community.

So eyes expressive, voice exciting, body language energetic everyone- and lets make this story, this school year memorable.

I Specialize in Bold Mistakes

This is dedicated to everyone who has struggled with standing up for themselves or felt unworthy or like they were never good enough. To you I say- you are good enough you are wonderful. If 'they' whomever they are, don't see that- then it is their loss. I see it. Thank you for being a shining star. 

You are valued and you need to know that it is not your fault. When people judge you or refuse to raise you up- those are people to avoid. To move away from. Because we all deserve a happy life. To everyone who has felt like this- I hope you have more good days, better days and optimism.

______________________________________________________________________________

I specialize in bold mistakes. Not because I make them frequently, but because I own them. I am an adventurer and I appreciate a skinned knee every now and then- it reminds me I am pushing myself. Pushing myself further away from the pessimism and unforgiving gaze of them.

Accidents are inevitable- but forcing someone to feel like that mistakes are all they make- is unforgivable. I must leave those accidents, those placed upon me, behind. There will always be rock-slides and upheaval- but of my making, of my living, I accept these, willingly. I have been trapped beneath the rubble of both, many times in my life. They have made that so. The guilt is sharp. Earth might be solid, sturdy and hardened in many parts of my life- but it is not fixed. The tectonics of experience are constantly sliding and maneuvering me about- that is the geology of life.

It is the preparation to ride the friction that matters most- feel the shake, meet the quake.

The color of my dreams, always seems to be the color of the haze, that follows me the next day. Vibrant or dull. Dark or bright. I walk about in a fog of discomfort some days not knowing why. I am not unhappy necessarily- but there is a lag in my mindfulness as of late. It is a conundrum: feeling free of the control but also missing it. A lifetime of it- means it is engrained, like sediment compacting and cementing into me. It is my unavoidable foundation and hard to dismantle.

It’s much more complicated than that though. There is a strata of disappointment that weighs heavy on me. Years of someone else’s words taunt me- telling me I am not good enough, that I am a disappointment. At least in their eyes. Divorced from a family I thought loved me. Anxiety vibrates, shifting- with my allowance of hateful speech, words, to enter my boundaries. It stings like the gas spewing of a violent volcano. Choking and suffocating me at inopportune moments.

Gaslighting is what some call it.

It melts my sturdy frame into a molten swirl of magma. I feel trapped sometimes, depressed sometimes, anxious and betrayed all the time. Like what I am attempting to achieve far away from the abandoned broken, stained, cobble stone streets of my past, is fruitless. I am a state away- yet the burn and singe still reaches my spirit. The howls of anger and resentment followed me- to this new mountainous terrain.

It rumbles when I am silent and focused. It shrieks and bellows at my happiness- dragging me back down into the mantle of their design. I have to metamorphosize- alter my fragile sediment into crystals and minerals both shiny and beautiful and leave behind the fragments of negativity. But it proves challenging. It proves to be a struggle most days- although I smile and keep buggering on. It still hurts. So, I bury it deep, hoping the heat and pressure of progress will transform me.

The exhaustion- fatigue- aches and worry, they boom loud. So, to circumvent the convection of doubt and fear I send- a piece offering to extinguish any gloom for my own arrival of another year lived. But it backfires, it bubbles and gurgles- tearing apart any hope of reconciliation and reformation. Words are spoken mechanically, diligently to be harsh- mean, hurtful. They know how to erupt and decimate- and I delete the barrage, but the words reverberate. Hardening into igneous matter- closing any fissure of hope.

I can’t find it in my heart to hate or dislike. It feels like a waste of time. But I need to let go of any hope of forgiveness. For this, like a fault - runs deep. Decades deep. It is scar tissue on this earthly plain. But it is at sea level, and I have climbed a mile- into the clouds of the mountainous. I have ventured far away from the negative.

I must smash the obsidian bridge I left erected out of expectation of compromise. I must let it melt into the lava and sink below into the magma- to be reformed into something new- a memory of good times. Not a regret of something I did- but simply an experience- an Earthquake, a volcanic event- that pushed me to a new location.

Family, like strata is a sequence- a layered part of our life- full of fossils and imprints of our childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. It is thick with the tumultuous weathering and erosion of our upbringing. Speckled with successes and failures. Mistakes and adversity. Family is permanent in our spirits- whether it cooled slowly or fast- it is a part of our structure. Its marks are permanent.

We may try to completely leave it behind, but it still deposits memories wherever we go. They stick to us making us who we are. They shape us: digging canyons, eroding valleys, converging our plains into plateaus. So, no matter how destructive their forces may be and how much we push back- they forge ahead. They create chasms we can’t escape. So, we have to construct, pile, and protect from their effects. Moving on - is sometimes the firm escape, the necessary route.

I love deeply. I do not understand their point of view. But it is not my job to do so. My adventure is my profession. My life is my own. My choices are my own. I make bold mistakes and I own them. Choosing happiness- choosing to be near those who love me unconditionally is not one of my mistakes. It is one of my triumphs.

I shy away from confrontation. Leaving the negative is my coping mechanism. Turning to silent mode, my refuge. This is my escape plan. My adventure. The dirty, smog may corrode some days. The acidity of judgment may sting and cause me anxiety and sadness, but it is temporary. There is always mountain air on the horizon. I’m on top of the world- I paid my dues to the dirt, the sediment, the strata. I am above the canyon now and can clearly see the years behind me.

And now…. Like all cycles…

My conversion is underway. My transformation has begun. Haze is swirling, dark and gloomy- but it is dissipating – the volcanic ash has settled, and clear skies are ahead. Sunny skies drying out the muck. The warmth of the mountain air is fresh and for the first time in my life- I am breathing in crisp, regenerative nourishment and the pollution is starting to fade.

The gaslight is flickering.

And my interior is beginning to match my exterior. Hardened not by regret or sadness but by experience that has led me here. Reflection that has driven me here.

A rock, I am, once bits and pieces of a doubt and low self-esteem, guilt, and judgement. Carrying a burden. I am now free to metamorphize and transform into something new, something unique, something that is alright with bold mistakes- because that is who she is.

 

 

Blossoms, Petals and Morning Glory's

The sun rises and warms. Sprinkling the dew with magnificent shine. Blues meet yellows in splendor like sequins humming. It is morning and there is a newness, a subtle fragrance of beginning, that tickles my nostrils. I am excited, exhausted, and energized. A strange combination on the precipice of this day- this sunrise- this holler and quiet moment. This goodbye. I stare at the pinks and ruby that stream between the nimbus and stratus. “This is it,” I whisper. My breath is hesitant and rough from a sleepless night. But I say it louder, pushing past the hoarseness “This is it; this is it.”

 

It is chilly momentarily as each breeze encapsulates the stillness- it is whispering back. It is vibrating around me, warmth yet goosebumps- enticing me out of my dream. This street, this house, this city has been home for eight years. Three of my children graduated here, the youngest entered elementary school and is now moving to junior high. This was a home. Then mother nature swept in with water, cold and heavy- hurricanes and freezes- damage and loss. But it was still home, it was our haven.

 

Change is difficult for many- for some it presents itself loudly, beckoning frequent pivots. I appreciate the daily adjustments, the daily opportunities for growth, the mindful mayhem that finds me as I teach. But, big change, moving, letting go and starting over, has never been my cup of tea. I have taught at three schools in my twenty years- now I am heading to my fourth, my first charter school, my first mountainous city. A mile up, edged by Sandia's and wide-open skies. From sea level to the mountain edge, I go- and I am ready.

 

We have all been through a tumultuous year. Many have asked me why now, as our lives open up temporarily- why now do I venture to a new place? I often ask myself this question, now that I have travelled the distance and settled in Albuquerque. My only answer is, I felt it in my gut, in my soul that I needed to go. That something frustrating, stressful and beautiful awaited me. That I would stumble and fall between the sharpness of tumbleweeds and cacti - but that after- I would see the blossoms, petals and morning glories.

 

I am blessed to be able to move and buy a house- find a school I am eager to become a part of. I am lucky my family was ready to navigate the bumpy terrain with me. Uprooting and replanting in a new city, state, neighborhood. Quiet and energetic this place is thriving in its way. It is not expansive, yet it feels like it covers the desert. This high desert that is now my home. First week of school has passed- with flavor and grace- and a little mayhem. Like any other first week of school, it was full of adjustment and relationship building. Some isolation and anxiety. But positivity and optimism surrounded me.

 

I think that the most unbalancing thing was feeling alone. No common planning, so flex time is isolating. I am near the flex/cafeteria space and as much as I felt cordoned off, the din was constant- making it feel like I was on the outside looking in. A strange combination, in a new place, a new classroom, a new city. But I embraced this discordance- I focused on the juxtaposition and created my own rhythm. My cadence, my big band instrumental, merging with the calm sensation of solo guitar. This merge, this semblance of my tune.

 

I love to teach; my heart is one of an educator. I see my role and I embrace it. I want to be a part of a classroom where students need me- where I need them just as much. Conversations peaking and swirling around personal, content and mindfulness. I seek those moments where I can make a difference- eye contact from a mask covered face, corny jokes, stories of adversity and fulfillment. Listening intently to their tales of on-line learning and isolation. They remind me - I am just like them. Finding my niche, searching for my place. I love this time- and yet it still feels surreal- this space, not familiar. But isn’t that what shapes us? Unfamiliarity.

 

As we all enter new schools, new beginnings, familiar classrooms, or unfamiliar ones- we must remember we are not alone. Students feel apprehension as well. They need a smile from behind the mask- they can feel it beneath the cloth. They need our eyes locked with theirs, seeing them as the beautiful, unique people they are. We need to be ourselves, show them the genuine us. They do not want the facade- they want the real, the true, the glorious magnificence of the sprinkle, sparkle and sequin.

 

I can see my comfort expanding. I feel the sense of familiarity upon me. An eagerness bubbles inside, hindered only by my fear. I have always been a stranger in a sea of connectedness. People do not actively seek me out. I have always been alright with this. It is wonderful how my friends from afar are reaching out. Remembering me. Calming my nerves. I feel the tether back to them- strong and loving. I know there will be a new web of friendships here- time strengthens threads. For now- I will focus on them- the reason for my move- my students. Opportunities 44 days long to meet and bond before another population loads.

 

The clouds roll over the Sandia’s- a hello from mother nature. Pink and ruby glowing from within. It is a sight to see at the sunrise. Reminding me I am no longer there, but here. That this elevation is different. This space is new and fresh and inviting. That sunrises are unique every morning and if we take the time to really look- we can see a reflection of ourselves in their bursting, luminous, brightness. They tickle the senses, warm our spirit and light the way for opportunity to find us.

 

Between me and the mountains lies desert, appearing barren yet full of life- blossoms on cacti, petals intertwining with the sand, blanketing the earth with a tapestry of renewal. The morning glory of the beginning I set out on- willingly. Reminding me of that morning just a month ago- excited, exhausted, and energized. The fragrance of this day is different, the air a little thinner, the clouds more vibrant. I whisper, “This is it; this is it.” I made my pivot, I started over, and my voice no longer hoarse- sounds clearer now. Filled with hope and wonder and from within me- a tune, a hum, a song- I am just beginning to write.

 

Learning is Neural, Neutral and New

Cells that fire together, wire together. Words are the electricity, but the flow of energy, the connections  are held firm with action. Daily interaction, participation, collaboration and hands-on experimentation. When students are allowed to play a bit, get curious, tinker and design they make memories. Emotions tag memories as important- they make flash bulb memories- sparks fly and an image is formed. This picture they carry with them. This is all about them- not us.

As humans we imprint things that are personally significant. We tag new stuff to things we already know, to help us make them permanent. This neural jigsaw is ongoing, an elaborate maze of then and now- we travel through it daily- so we can listen and disregard. Construct and deconstruct. Our tumbling creates new paths. It is a constant bombardment and what we choose to laminate and save is entirely up to how we see it: relevant, meaningful and personal.

Humor helps the pieces fit. It lights our way in the labyrinth of learning. Smiling uses- motivation and imagery as the bread crumbs so we do not get lost. It gives us access to the larger neural network. Because it makes it relevant, personal and meaningful. When we laugh we make happy bridges. When we play we make good memories. When we learn while happy- we continue to grow and travel in the landscape of knowledge.

This new content gets embedded, Weaved into our imagination, curiosity and foundation. It strengthens our resolve so we continue to seek out new ways to sew, new ways to build, new ways to expand. We learn and access our memories in two ways:

semantic memory- memorizing knowledge and facts

episodic memory- memorizing through experiences

Genetics might set the boundaries- but the motivation we have, takes us to our height- it takes us to new places. And this motivation is amplified when we are not sitting still and reading facts from a book. It is truly boundless when we are up and active, discussing and analyzing. When we are happy and involved in the process. This is what a student-centered, student-driven classroom does. Neural, Neutral and New all colliding. All forming new areas to explore. New interests. New stories to read. New actions to unfold and wrap around new experiences.

Ask yourself three questions, as an educator and mentor

1- Would I want to learn this way?

2- What can I do to make my classroom more student-driven?

3- How can I make this lesson about them- about growth and curiosity?

The Truth of you: The Most Important Question You Can Ask- What Do I Want?

Freezes, caused pause. Opportunities brought a new line of sight. I love growth and I hate change. But, I seek clarity- many things have brought me that lately.

And for this I am grateful- for everything that happens personally and professionally has shaped me. I have been blessed with the opportunity to work at a fantastic school, with wonderful educators- and for this I am truly humbled and grateful.

Even when things in our lives- family, friends who might cause us pause- we must remain grateful for how they have added to our story. We need to train ourselves to say thank you. This allows us to see that this too shall pass and clear skies will return and there amongst the storm is a rainbow. An opportunity to journey to new places and new opportunities.

To be able to recognize that the stumbles and challenges that bane us, before the smooth pavement lifts us- leads to, as Maya Angelou says, "A rainbow in the clouds." We are born from gratitude, humility and strength. We bathe in it, it is the water in which we swim. Keep swimming. There will always be sea weed and coral- murky water and turbulence but the shore is always near by.

Each day a new wave. The day we open up our eyes to greet, needs to be met with a vision of what can be, how we can achieve it and most importantly- What do I want? What do I need? And then fulfill them with gratitude based around what you have, who you know and the experiences you are offered.

Your truth is a reflection of what you hear, what you see, how you interpret your world- each a unique perspective. We need to take it in- the warmth of the sun, the bright colors of nature, the coolness of the breeze. These entities, energies, both elaborate and elegant- bind us to the real. This is something however, we often take for granted. Walking amongst the trees, feeling the wind, smelling the aroma of fauna and the exchange of spices and scents. This synergy- this is what I need, what I want.

I do not want to feel stagnate, swallowed, side-swiped. Yet these are necessary to bring about change. The value in what we do is important- we yearn for it. We receive it in unexpected ways. It is a gift to be in this world- one created in order to build relationships and shape the future with our humble presence. When a student tells you what- not why- they loved your class, your mentorship- this conversation will be revelatory. It will be life-changing. You will know you have been where you have belonged.

Truth will guide you to a place where moving on feels right. Where knowing when you enter the scene. You enter the scene when you are needed- not when you feel you have something funny to say or when the situation is exciting and you want to be a part of it- but when you are needed. The truth of you, your story is important. You are the lead. But not necessarily the one with the most lines in the scene. Being a listener is far more valuable. Hearing other peoples truths, other peoples stories- they shape our story as much as our own actions.

Asking yourself what you want is a difficult question- we often feel self-centered, narcissistic, out of touch. But we often forget to do this and wind up miserable, resentful or flooded with illness and insecurity. Mental health starts with asking the question- what do I want and how can I make sure I am showing gratitude when I am working towards my goals and needs? When we find a balance- we are healthier, we are more open-minded, we are happier. We can not always get every desire that enters our orbit- but we can find healthy ways to feel more connected, more needed, more impactful in a positive way- and this, this leads to gratitude and awareness and this leads to more joy.

Joy is not something we need to feel guilty about feeling. It is an emotion that glues all of our choices together. When we feel secure, we feel joy. When we feel connected, valued, love- we feel joy. It is an emotion that allows us to recognize our lifeline, the necessity to focus more on our needs. To leave the scene, when we are not needed. To listen and reconcile that we are not the lead in every scene. Sometimes when we feel comfortable we are not growing. 

Growth comes from the stage lights going dark, the actors running off script- we need the improv as much as we need the routine. I know I do. I have felt stagnate, unnecessary for awhile so I made myself stand in the wings and watch the play. Watched from the shadows- feeling like I have been needed, that I made a difference- but also that the play is entering a new setting, one in which I am no longer needed. It has brought sadness but also clarity and clarity is always a good thing.

For this revelation I am grateful. I was reminded of my relationships and how my presence, when needed made a difference. But, I also was made aware of new adventures that will allow me to grow and see my world in a new light. Feel a new breeze, see a different landscape, hear new voices and forge brand new relationships with strangers that soon, hopefully will be friends. 

This revelation dimmed the theater and switched the spotlight to the stage- where I can watch the end of the year unfold, pack and leave my home and school of eight years- and unpack in a new, yet familiar city- where I feel I am needed. This is what I want, to feel needed, to feel uncertain and a bit nervous- but with the full force of gratitude moving me forward. I will miss great people, I have been molded into who I am by these amazing relationships, and I am eager to set a new stage- listen to new stage directions and enter a scene- with the beginning of act two.

Albuquerque here I come. Change is inevitable and for this alteration of course- it is what I want and I am grateful to have the opportunity to launch.

Lifting Up into the Space

Between action and cut- the scene is theirs. Students write the dialogue- perform the movement, and collaboration. Students play off one another. Speak their personal truth. The props are laid out- the setting permanent, but the theatrics spontaneous. It is not a teachers role to direct every performance. They need to frame the shot. Get the camera aligned. Find the right script- but the rest, the pure gold, the Oscar, Emmy and Tony worthy performances- they come not from a teachers management- but from student enterprise and decision making.

I have been teaching for almost twenty years. Crazy to think back all these years to my first year. I was trying so hard to write, direct and produce every scene. I was determined to get my students- the actors of the classroom drama- to stay on script. Following every suggestion. It was exhausting. And fruitless. Because as we know, and what I have learned- is between action and cut, bell to bell- students are the doers, the sages and performers. They entertain, impersonate and headline. We, the teachers have to be the stage hands, off camera, making sure the stars have what they need. That is our role.

We have to lift our students up into the space- the arena created for them. We spend our summers planning, designing and creating these theaters. We travel and collect. We decorate and stage. We are prop masters after all. And when we pride ourselves in our role. So, when we lean in and listen, silence our tendencies' to direct- we wind up with the most amazing films in the can. At the end of the year we can hunker down and reflect on a beautiful, heartfelt, human centered documentary. One all about the 'unscript'- a live action, spontaneous, student-driven masterpiece.

How can we do this as educators? First of all, we have to trust ourselves. Our ability to let things get noisy and interactive and stay on track. We have to trust our students. The moment we do not trust our students- is the moment we micro-manage and take away their spontaneity. It is the moment our classroom becomes about us, not them. This is something that takes years to master. You must believe in the organized chaos, the off task moments, where kids will be kids. You need to believe in the process of the doer. It takes us doing less and them doing more.

Activities that engage are not necessarily those lessons we love. 

Lessons they love are almost always the ones where they lead, they talk and they interact.

We often love lessons that we feel are fun, but that are often very structured to help us feel safe and comfortable. We want them to learn and have fun. We want them to discover and investigate. Have the freedom to fail and play, giggle and get off task. But we are often hesitant to step back and let them happen. 

When we allow for a few outbursts, we set the stage for more monologues, buddy films and thought provoking documentaries. But, more importantly, you also create an opportunity for students to be themselves and when we truly learn- when we let our inhibitions fade and jump into a project or creative process, it is because we are not acting, it is when we are ourselves down to the core.

As an educator I want to keep things less framed.

I like the odd angle and Zoom lens like everyone else- but I also love the distance shot, seeing the actors entering the scene, watching them join the action. This is pure gold. 

I like it when the camera is rolling and students are ad-libbing and splashing paint on a blank background. The graffiti of growth is powerful. 

Some days I get exhausted, not because I am lecturing or monitoring- but because I am watching and letting things unfold naturally. Even after twenty years in the classroom I struggle with letting go of my role sometimes. But it is so worth it. When I can stroll around and just listen. Ask questions and really interact and watch them be themselves, I really get to understand their personalities. Its a cinematographers dream. A beautiful landscape, evolving and shifting in a continual pattern of succession.

Lift them up into the scene. 

Be an observer- you can get more information from a class period of organized chaos than a structured assessment. 

The organized chaos is engagement staying fluid. Stretching and pulling the imagination. Yet giving time for it to pool on the bottom before the action reignites.

It leaves no room for quiet isolation- until the end of class when you ask them to reflect. A quick ticket out the door, helps solidify a noisy semblance into a personal summary. This is learning. This is how as educators we can set the stage, buy the props, and even make copies of a script (structure) but then allow our students to edit the teleplay. Its all about the highlighter and decision making. 

When students lead they thrive. 

When dialogue is allowed to take shape, they thrive. 

I have learned that the side bar conversations- the personal chat they have- this is momentary and it allows them to have a breather, before they delve back into the content. When I hear it is more than that, I nudge with a class reminder. A ring of the bell on my desk. It is so important to let them lift themselves up into the space. 

Whether it is a step stool, ladder or climbing rope- it is an assent. A climb they choose to endeavor and at the end of the scene- when the clapper sounds out its 'cut' clamor- they might just walk to their next class exhausted. They just might remember the information, a little bit better because they got to talk about it when they were being themselves.

This is key- space is empty and fillable. 

It is vast and expandable. 

It is personal and memorable. 

When we create a space less confined, more individual and noisy- free and independent- the space fills with learning and growth. 

This is the space I strive every day, to not fix in place, but to keep fluid. This is why I became an educator. This is why I am still an educator. There are days where the scene unfolds naturally and creates a meaningful documentary- effortlessly. Some days its a drama and difficult to get through. Other days it is comedic and funny- we grow from the laughter. 

But no matter the day- the scene is theirs from action to cut. 

The Art of Mind Cuisine: Chef and Baker, Educator and Listener

Appetites are personal. What is delicious to one person might be avoided by another. The delicacies of some very well might be a revulsion of others. Some of us have a sweet tooth- we crave the sugary goodness of dessert. Some diet, others treat themselves to salty snacks or comfort food. Eating is both a necessity and a gift. The choices are innumerable and for that- we as humans are truly blessed.

Nutrition and desire come hand and hand. We have to eat to gain energy for our bodily functions- but we have the art of cooking and the familial, communicative process of dining- embedded in most parts of our lives. We go out, we order in. Uber eats and other delivery services are at out beck and call. So many industries are agriculture, service and delivery based these days- we can literally get any type of food we desire on our door step in a matter of hours. 

If its edible, we have found a way to prepare it. Whether or not its delicious is another story- but if its palatable and has nutritional value- someone eats it. This is the sensory gift we have been given- the aroma of grandma's chicken noodle soup, the spice filled burn of curry, the icy cold soothe of a smoothie or ice cream sundae. It is a cornucopia of emotions that follow us when we dine. When we chop, shred, puree'. It connects us to something much deeper than calories- it creates communities, strengthens family ties and opens up conversations- food is a universal gatherer.

Learning, education- classroom interaction, collaboration- the joy of new ideas and trying out our new knowledge- this is also universal. Unification of the mind. Contentedness of the spirit. Our appetites are peaked and filled. Our hunger satiated.

Learning is another universal gatherer. It sparks debates. Roars to life awareness and opinion. When people discuss and reason responses- it leads to change and progress. Yet sometimes- arguments erupt. Divides widen. We have to taste the gambit to find what we crave and enjoy.

But when learning is welcomed- points of view shift slightly- regardless of stance. When we listen, we acquire the calories our brains need to make informed decisions. To continue to be a force of energy for others. As educators, we can broaden minds to try new things. We offer seating in 5 star restaurants- each individually designed for our students.

I have always made my children try new foods. Take a 'no thank you' bite. If they do not appreciate it, then at least they tried it. Food, if used to open minds and experience new sensations, can bring to the forefront different cultures, different styles of cuisine, different mind sets. If one is willing to take that bite, experience a new flavor, taste a new spice- then maybe it will open them up to hearing new thoughts, listening to new points of view, broaden their mindscape.

Choosing a cut of meat that is tender, or an aged bottle of wine, or a perfect dining experience is personal. We have everything from lamb shanks to top sirloin - hamburger to filet- and that is why menus are extensive. To allow patrons to pick their cut of meat. To go to a dining establishment that they crave. 

We can then take the worst cut and make it delicious through brazing or slow roasting. This is where choice and skill merge. If we over cook it or burn it, it loses its flavor- it becomes tough and for many unpalatable. But if we take the time to ease it into a delicious morsel- it is well worth the wait. Letting lessons linger- sit on the edge for a bit- this creates intrigue, suspense- and in the end quite a tasty meal.

So we do not just have to choose our cut and our temperature, we also need to prepare it, pay attention to it, serve it . As educators we sear, grill and barbeque. We take lessons and prepare them in different ways, we serve them up with various side dishes, we flavor them either minimally or vigorously- depending on need. But the academic needs of our students varies as much as their appetites. It can be challenging to choose the right condiments and accoutrements to entice their attention.

But every day we slice, we chop, we sear and braise and our students- they may not say yum, or this is delicious but we can tell they are enjoying the meal by their faces. By their interactions, by their smiles. Food and learning intertwined, universal and personal. Chefs, educators might be in the kitchen preparing- but the experience, the dialogue and dinner conversation- that is up to them.

Be Curious, Not Judgmental

The thing about learning- student or teacher- is that it has to accompany curiosity. Learning is not about reinforcing or cementing your knowledge and beliefs, it is about expanding them. It is about looking for ways to view and understand the world differently. For when we can see opinions, points of view and alternate ideas as keepsakes- we create a forum of treasure, not a box for valuables.

It is difficult to admit an error in judgment. A mistake we made during a time when things were different. When values and beliefs were structured around different norms. But in order to grow and change- become better people- we must. We must not linger and carry more regret than optimism. We must see the rust and erosional forces of yesterday- feel its heft and figure out what went wrong. Weathering is inevitable, erosion is inevitable, deposition is dependent on the forces of open-mindedness, acceptance and the unrelenting push for betterment.

It is challenging to accept our place amongst the atrocities of the past. We were not directly responsible, but our advantages have made things easier for us. At least some of us. Our lives are not easier in all respects. They are not simple or full of handouts or ease. We have our own struggles. No one is immune from struggle. But some, they take the brunt of that force. We must look for opportunities to lessen their burden.

Curiosity helps us see the past and our need for change. It helps us see how we can become better and help others to do the same. We need to look for the opportunities to do so. Yet, we do not have to be less ourselves. We need to own the past and also continue to change the future. We are all human. We are all integrated and connected. We hurt, we elevate, we ignore. But we also listen and urge moments of uprising and shifts that lead the deposition to a new location. 

Judgement comes from fear. We do not need to fear deposition and erosion. They lead to the most beautiful gorges, riverbeds and beaches. They shape the Earth. And as humans our weathering, erosion and deposition are how we evolve. It is how we alter the course of behavior. Cultures shift and personalities adjust- when we are ready for them to. It may take longer for some- there will be push back. But it is inevitable- change and force and energy. 

Curiosity is the force that allows us to ponder- wonder- make big connections of things we may have avoided. But when we do- things get turbulent. But turbulence means people are noticing. They are becoming more aware. The biggest changes are yours alone. We can not make anyone change their mind. It is a choice. But if we refuse to be negative for long, we focus on the power of positive voices not toxic ones, and seek commonality- just maybe curiosity will win over judgment.

The Frozen Week of Ice and Storm

The sad thing is, they knew it was coming. It wasn't a secret, no one even tried to sugar coat it. We were going to get a hard freeze, the coldest temperature the Houston area has seen for 100 years- give or take. I am not a Texan and I have lived in the frigid winters of Colorado, Boston and Atlanta- so I wasn't too worried. But, I knew it was going to be a difficult situation for Houstonians, as most residents here, have never experienced this type of storm.

So I hunkered. I bundled up. I wrapped my pipes and put towels under the drafty doors to hold in the heat. I stocked up on water and food. I felt prepared- enough. But, I wasn't. The temperatures plummeted, the roads froze solid. Trees fell over. Snow covered the surfaces- but this time it stuck and multiplied and then froze again. This of course being normal for many parts of the country. But for southern Texas- the coast of Texas- it was unheard of. Now we have had snow- light dustings. We have had hail and sleet. Just not this much at one time and for this long.

So, we hunkered, We bundled. We expected our homes to stay warm and us nestled inside. But electricity disappeared. Our warmth and refrigeration disappeared. It got cold. Really cold in our homes. Then it didn't come back on when we were promised. Some people never lost power- others, like me- we lost it for 49 hours or more. Then our water shut off and we no longer had that either. We wrapped in blankets and huddled together. My family going two full days with out power and water.

Then our pipes burst and the ceiling in my bedroom, bathroom and part of our living room collapsed bringing in with it snow, ice and a deluge of water. And it came, and came, and came. We shut the water off to the house. But it kept coming. And as I stood in the cold house, trying to decide how to get the water out- our power came on. For two hours. Then we moved into a rolling black out. 

We called the city to have the water shut off at the main- but no answer. The next day- we got ahold of someone and they shut off the water at the city level to our house. As I stood in 2 inches of water in my living room- it was shocking. As I went back into my bedroom it was covered in insulation and mud: my bed, my floor, almost everything in the room. I rushed around to save my books- I am a bibliophile and have a lot of books. I saved all but three. Not bad for a frozen toed, soaking wet, stressed out woman.

I just keep telling myself- its just stuff. I saved my precious stuff. AND the rest, its just items. So many people came to my rescue- I have donations galore of furniture and beyond. I am rebuilding. I have lived in a hotel for awhile, but the house is getting cleaned and sterilized. Hopefully at least temporarily for a few months we can reside in our home. All our belongings are stored in the garage so it will be easy to just resettle there, for now, until the end of the school year.

It has been a few weeks of turmoil- but we are all safe. We have power and water, where many do not. We have a bed and warm place to sleep. We have a generous and kind community here locally and globally. We are blessed. This just being an ice cycle, a jagged stalactite that fell and gave us a gash. But it melted and we are on steady ground now. Thank you to my family, my parents, my community everywhere. I am so appreciative of your well wishes and donations.

Thank you. Stay safe and warm everyone. 

Satisficers and Maximizers

I have been hearing a lot about these two terms as of late: mazimizers and satisficers. It got me thinking a lot about myself. How I tend to indeed behave like both in different situations. I guess like a growth mindset and closed mindset, we all fit somewhere in the middle. Where do you fit?

Satisficers and people who are pleased to settle for good enough. Because it is good enough for them. It is a good fit. It makes them happy. It creates a place or situations where they can thrive because they feel comfortable there. They are less likely to feel regret after they have made a decision. They trust themselves. 

Maximizers are seeking the perfect meal, the perfect lesson, the perfect car, home, or experience. They compare their situations to those of others- making sure they chose the right one. They are perfectionists. They know what they want and won’t settle. They won’t stop looking, planning or acquiring until they feel satisfied- which they rarely do. So, they tend to have lower levels of happiness than satisficers.

There is a positive result to being a maximizer- they tend to have better results. Higher achievement. End up in better paying jobs. Yet, once they make a decision, they are far more likely to second guess themselves. They use social comparisons to guide their decision making. To get the most optimal results. Fewer options works better for maximizers as they need to weigh all their options. Because when they face too many options, they feel like they are missing out on something. I think we all feel this way.

Is one better than the other? Are we a combination of both? Does this align with growth mindset and closed mindset? Why would we settle? Is it settling if it is the best fit for you? The word settle always has a negative connotation with it. I think, settling is allowing the dust to rest at the bottom, not stirring things up- so you can see everything and decide the best course of action. Maximizers may want to see the playing field from more angles and depths- but the end result comes from really looking at every choice. I think both do the same thing here.

Sacrificers might seem impatient and quick to decision- but I think they are just more realistic. They understand that moving forward sometimes means just that- finding what fits and walking out the door. But I think that we are all sacrificers in some aspects of our lives and mazimizers in others.  We spend our lives deciding what to eat, what to wear, where to live, work, play. There are so many day-to-day, moment to moment, decisions- sometimes we just have to decide quickly. Other times we have the luxury to stop and ponder.

This is a moment, as I write today, where I ponder and reflect on my last week. Look ahead to the upcoming one. I know there are things I must settle on- decide- choose and be alright with. There are others I can compare and dive deeper and take more time to really figure out. The luxury of finding what I want, is a gift.

I guess we are all mazimizers and sacrificers to some degree. But the most important thing- is to rethink and adjust. See the options as just that- options. And continue to move ahead- full sails, with the wind behind us. Don't let too many options null your choice.

Don't allow ourselves to compare too much, for we never truly know the full story of another. The facade may seem colorful, shiny and perfect- but what lies behind the mask is unique. Live you. Believe in you. Maximize, sacrifice and balance yourself. Find your groove. Only you know what that is- we all have our own cadence, rhythm and melody. Close your eyes, listen- can you feel yours, hear yours?

A Cape of Good Hope: Student-Teacher Interactions

Trust is not given lightly, for most students. They size you up. They push the boundaries to change the shape of the box. They smudge the lines. They focus on your attitude, your demeanor, your words. Especially your facial expressions- even behind a mask your eyes tell a story. A day to day tale every student is gripped to, like a fantastic novel, written just for them.

But as we all know from experience, some students need a little extra attention. 

Some hide from any sort of interaction- hoping, praying you do not call their name or walk up to their desk. 

But most students, they want to converse, step into your bubble. Little ones they crave it, they need it. High-Schoolers, they want you to think they don't care- their nonchalant desire, worn like a cape of strength. But middle schoolers, junior high students- they aren't so good at the masquerade.

I am the corny teacher. I tell corny jokes, wear a colorful pair of Keds or Sketchers daily- a quirky t-shirt too. I say hello to everyone as they enter the room- smile a huge grin from behind my required facial covering. Sometimes I get a hello in return, sometimes a glance and shuffle. But, I am relentless. Every day a hello, using their name. Eventually I get at least one or two responses. 

My virtual classes are much larger. 30-35 faces on a screen all staring back at me. Its a bit daunting. But, I choose a few names per day to greet individually, as they are beginning their science-starter. I say them aloud- sometimes they respond verbally, others in the chat box. It has taken a little bit longer to get them to warm up to me. But we have a good rapport. 

I make the same corny jokes on Zoom that I do in class. But, my demeanor is different. Sitting in a chair creates a certain aura that you lose in a face to face classroom. The act of mobility itself- creates a sense of blending and ebb and flow- you miss this fluidity in a virtual classroom. So I have to work extra hard to use my hands, and lean in and out of the camera- to create a sense of urgency.

I guess it does come down to that in a nutshell. Engagement is all wrapped up in a sense of urgency. Like, if you aren't listening, you are going to miss something. As if the gripping story that is leading their school lives day to day, has a huge plot twist unfolding. They need the twist, not the long drawn out narrative. They need the character development, the arc, the mystery. That is how students and teachers learn to interact, build relationships. Move the plot forward.

We all wear capes: the small ones that help us fly- and look cool. Or the heavy hooded ones shrouding our faces on those days we feel overwhelmed and frustrated. We hide ourselves as much as they hide themselves. But, it is the interactions that matter the most these days. The eye contact, the smile and yes (I am going to admit here) fist bumps and handshakes. That is why we have hand-sanitizer right?

So I have a few athletes who have been a bit restless and a little withdrawn. They grunt more than they speak. They have tried desperately to avoid making any sort of effort to connect with me. I tried by using their names, telling corny sports jokes, talking about their games and lives- to no avail. Only being met with one word responses and rare eye contact. 

So I decided to create a unique handshake with one of them. My most challenging, my most uninterested student. So I asked him "Do you want a secret handshake?" He stopped dead in his tracks. "A handshake, he asked?" I responded, "Indeed, a silent hello. Then after, we can use hand-sanitizer." He smiled, thought about it for a moment or two- then came up with a quirky grasp, wiggle and thumb wrestle hand-shake. I fumbled on purpose a few times, giving him the opportunity to teach me.

Every day sense, we have done this handshake as he has enters my classroom. Then I squirt some hand-sanitzer in his hands. A routine, a ritual- a bond.

Then as one would expect, the other athletes saw this and low and behold- now I have six unique handshakes with different students. Other students laugh and watch as we do this daily. It is an event that has brought my class closer together. These students are more interactive in class. They say hello to me in the hallway. They wave. They smile. They interact. Our cape is our handshake.

Be quirky. Be you. But also make sure you bring a little oddity into the mix. That's what makes a great story. The unexpected twist of a handshake. The huge smile that may seem unnoticed- but that lightens the burden of those around you. 

A handshake, a smile- they unfurl the cape. Words of kindness, patience, compassion- they are the wind that gets the cape soaring behind you. 

Unfurl your cape. Whatever your cape is. Unfurl it and engage. Create urgency and a sense of surprise. Believe in the story, for it is the reason we wear our capes. Capes are our demeanor, personality, attitude and charisma. They are our moments where THEY teach us, where a gesture of a handshake changes everything. 

Cape, handshake- smile, words of kindness. Be a superhero. That is what they need right now. That is what we need right now. We all need a good superhero.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Lift Off

There are a lot of lists coming out these days. Top tens of the last year. 5 things not to do. 20 things to do this year to be stronger, faster, better. But it all comes down to one thing- not one word or goals, intentions and the like. Just one thing- you. How you see the world. How you see yourself in the world. What you want to do to make your life better.

Self-help books sell abundantly because they offer a quick fix. A set of guidelines that claim to work. Maybe they do for some people. But, will reading books about diet, resilience, and happiness make you thinner, more motivated and happier? Temporarily maybe. They might just be the spark you need to see the flame of growth, renewal.

I must admit I have read many a self-help book in my fifty plus years. I have dieted, exercised and changed my habits. Only to sneak back into my old ways. I figured out after a lot of trial and error that all of the suggestions dictated by others- only placated my sense of belonging. It made me feel like I was fighting 'the man' just like everyone else. I was bucking the system because everyone else was too. It gave me a sense of community- residence in that same village everyone else claims to be a member of.

I see the world uniquely- as most of us do. So why do we struggle so much to try and see the same way others do. Is that yearn for acceptance that powerful? Indeed it is. But, for those of us who have never quite fit in- it seems to be a pull of orbital proportions. It syncs us in someone else's revolution and rotation. Spinning us effortlessly into a path not of our own.

Goals, intentions, expectations are never anyone else's to give. They might be offered and we might accept them- but to no long term avail. We do not feel honest with ourselves and thus we revert back to a place where we do. This cycle is constant. This rising of the moon and setting of the sun is daily. It is unavoidable unless we set our circadian to our own clock.

Be true to yourself. Invest in yourself. But before you can do that- you have to find yourself. The sayings go. But, I think we know where we are, we know what we need, we understand ourselves. We just have to find the humility, to trust ourselves- and not blindly rely on others to shape us. It is the carving and chiseling that is the hardest. We are often afraid of digging too deep.

Resolute. Admirably staying the course. Being willing to bend and stretch. Veer and leap. All the while holding firm on where you need to go. Finding purpose, relevance and meaning. Isn't that what self-help is all about. Self-advocacy. Self-reliance. Some of us need clear, concise ways to make this happen. Thus a self-help industry. Some of us need to find it in ourselves or it will never stick and become permanent change.

Which ever you need. Invest in yourself. To be better, stronger, faster- you have to envision it first. Imagine the muscle strength, imagine the success, imagine the effort and determination. Only then can action take over. We can not teleport to a better us. Nor can we skip steps or read to the last page of the book. We must invest. We must entangle ourselves in the hard work and effort. That is the only way we can truly build the tissue mass into muscle strength.

Our brains are muscles after all. In order to strengthen our mindset we must exercise our will, our endurance, our self-worth. We have to feel it in every electrical impulse, shooting through our nervous system. We have to practice. We have to repeat. We have to trust our instincts and do it over and over and over until we feel confident. Then our muscle will sync with the impulse and we will be able to change.

This new year is not one of huge upheaval or massive course redirection. It is for me a year where I lift the weights and run the marathons and stretch my sore muscles so I can do it over and over again. It is about the incremental steps needed to accomplish what I see as a journey of endurance. That is what I have planned on the menu. Simple training of my mind and body in order to reach where I know I need to go.

I hope that for everyone out there, that you invest in yourself. Not with exercise equipment necessarily. Or books abound written by someone else. But that you write your own story. Page one is empty- so pick up a pen and start scribing your adventure. Believe in your intentions. Invest in your intentions. They are yours alone. 

Write your prologue, write your chapters and no matter where your story takes you- keep investing. The greatest investment is in ourselves- for that is the only investment we control 100%. The interest, the dividends, the profit. We control it. You control it. Earn grace and hope every day- put it in your savings account- you will need it throughout the year. Spend what you need. Save more. 

My first deposit is today. Right now. I invest in me. I believe in me. I trust myself. I am writing my own story. I own the publishing rights. #2021Write52 my pace, no one else's. My words, my parse or elaboration. My imagery or directness. It is mine and I will go where no one has gone before- because it is literally my universe, my orbit, my spacecraft, my space. I am pilot, astronaut- I am flight plan, launch and landing.

Count down.....5, 4, 3, 2, 1