You Wouldn't Put Gravy on a Salad, Would You?

You Wouldn't Put Gravy on a Salad, Would You?

You wouldn't put gravy on a salad, would you?" This statement came forth from my mouth the other day, as I was explaining an enrichment assignment to my students. They wanted to take it to another level, I am all for this by the way, when it is appropriate. But, when it is to be completed in a class period, the adornments that time permits, on many occasions are reigned in. "But at home, if you want to "I said, "add the milk, bring it to a boil and add yourself some gravy." As I said it, I could envision thick, gloppy, warm gravy, being poured over a perfectly layered Cobb salad. In some countries gravy can mean a salad dressing, but for me it means the heavy accoutrement to meat and potatoes. Not a salad condiment. I imagined the hard boiled eggs, blue cheese and bacon, swimming in the brown, murky sauce. To some maybe a delicacy, to me, it would make the lettuce wilt and warm, thus not very appetizing. 

"Why would anyone do that," I asked myself silently? Some may however, find a dark, savory gravy perfect on a salad, so we have to remember to make our lessons approachable for them as well. This blog post is my response to this question. What I find to be the best way to align gravy and a salad. But again, everyone sees the world differently and our taste buds are unique. Enrichment and engagement in the classroom, taste buds aside, do not always need embellishment, they need substance and alignment. They need a strong connection and relevance. Thus, sometimes when we want to 'bling' up an enrichment lesson, or any activity for that matter, we sometimes pay more attention to the sequins and less on the functionality of the bedazzlement.

Not all lessons need a shiny coat, some simply need a polished delivery. When students can see themselves in the purpose, recognize their reflection among the depths and layers, the assignment becomes more than learning, it becomes personal. Most of us love gravy, or at least sauces and embellishments, on our meat and potatoes. Most of us love salads too, some ornate and some basic with just lettuce, tomato and croutons. But, most of us do not love gravy on a salad, we wouldn't even think of pouring it on top. If we did we would have salad chowder and that does not sound appetizing, at least to me anyway. There is a reason a crisp salad is a pre-entree dish and the warm gravy is not. One is an aperitif, while one is added as a layer to an already well-prepared dish. In our classrooms we are usually rushed for time, re-teaching concepts and just plainly trying to make our lessons memorable. Gravy is not the only answer to bring engagement.

There is no perfect lesson.

There is no perfect lesson. There I said it and it pains me to. I know as educators, we have great ones. We have those, what seem to be, life-changing lessons, where we go home at the end of the day proud and satisfied that our students were engaged. We watched their eager, committed faces as they participated, collaborated and completed the task with excitement. But, then the next day, after a warm-up assignment, asking them to share their insight and reflection of the same activity, their answers fall short. We get a true eye opener. We let out a deep sigh, look back on what seemed like the perfect lesson and reflect. Were students engaged? Yes. Were students participating and interacting? Yes. Were students having fun, were they learning? Yes. So why then, did the information we wanted them to learn, slip through the cracks? We 'blinged up' the lesson. We poured gravy all over it and beneath the scrumptious sauce, the heart of the lesson, the nuts and bolts, or should I say fiber and healthy calories, got lost.

What students remember most is what we say the most. What we as educators demonstrate the most. What we let our students explore and investigate the most. But, often we give them step by step procedures, or we tell them what we expect them to discover. This doesn't always remove the engagement. Many students want these solutions, it makes them feel safe and comfortable. What we need to do, however, is remove them and let students struggle. Let them feel uncomfortable and vexatious. For when they do, the lesson becomes more culminating: each step may not be a precise print we can follow to witness their growth, but these indentations, will lead in the same direction, changing as they figure out the best terrain for themselves. Leave off the how, the where and the when they should see progress and focus on the why. When we understand the why, we can see the rest, as they fall in to place. We can see the layers of the Cobb salad.

Strategies for Designing 'Bling' without Losing the 'Cling.'

I am no expert. Not even close, but I do have years of experience creating successful lessons, lessons I thought were boring, but that students learned a lot from and of course many a lesson that fell flat. I have a very active, chaotic mind. I change lessons literally as students are entering my classroom. I rarely write anything down, much to the dismay of my team. I see the lesson, play it over in my mind and then at the last minute, I see a different route. I ask myself, "What if I hated science? What would engage me in this lesson?" Now, sometimes I add 'bling' or more 'cling' but more often than not, I remove myself from the lesson. I make it more student-centered.

I blow the bubbles into the air and let them choose to pop them between their hands, chase them and watch them burst, or on their desks, I provide bubble solution and let them create their own. But more importantly, I give them the opportunity to make their own bubble solution. Let them try and fail until they get the mixture just right. Not just right for me, but just right for them. Not every student does well with complete freedom. Some need more guidance, while some need specifics. But, bubbles are shiny and translucent, just enough to lure most of them in. Whether they want to chase or create. Bubbles are the independence and self-guidance every student longs for. Here are some strategies I do in my class to keep the bubbles afloat and student choice bountiful.

1. Rather than a handout or worksheet- I provide some objects on a table and have them write a lab to demonstrate a concept. For instance: How does the Circulatory and Respiratory systems work together? (Supplies-balloons, straws of different sizes, a clear container, water and red food coloring)

2. Go Big or Go Home- I love enlarging things- students made giant cells (with large organelles to go inside) we also use giant arrows to create a huge food chain of the forest. Each student gets an arrow or an animal and they have to work together to assemble it. It’s a fun way for them to see something often unobservable become tangible.

3. Digital does not mean more engaging- In fact when I ask my students if they want to use technology they more often than not choose a hands on approach. My class is a blended classroom so they do get assignments and notes on-line but in class, they prefer to use the makerspace and build with Lego, Play-Doh or other colorful materials. But, for those who do prefer technology, I always have an alternative idea for them to tackle.

4. Digital can be a good thing too- Students, rather than completing reflection sheets after labs or activities, create podcasts. Either individual or group. They then share to Canvas, our on-line classroom platform. This makes students choose their words and have to be precise and specific in their reflection. It is more personal when you have to explain what you saw, what you learned, how well you worked together, then just copying someone else's words from a lab sheet. It makes them take more responsibility for their learning.

5. Differentiation of Notes- Visual, Sketch, Thinking Maps or your own organizational note-taking style. I let my students choose how they want to make their notes. I check them, they are graded which does hold them accountable, but I give them the freedom to get creative. The only requirements- some drawings, words and all concepts have to be covered in the notes.

6. 1-Minute Check-In's- 1 minute a week per student. Sometimes they are in groups, if there is a project or PBL happening, this helps me gauge their progress. But most weeks, it is face to face, one to one. Every student, every week. For some students it is more than once a week, depending on need. But these chats are fantastic. At the beginning of the year they were awkward but now we are comfortable with one another. We talk science, classroom struggles, or just life. But it is the relationship building that is so important. My behavior management is amazing because, if I have a student fumble, we chat. If a student’s grade drops, we chat. Everyone comes to my table to chat. So there is no whispering, they expect a conversation. These are enlightening- they have shaped my lessons, my classroom design and my teaching style. They are the best thing I have come up with as an educator, hands down.

Salads are Great, but Gravy is Tasty

Each of these strategies removes the gravy. It helps the salad be the center-piece. They are not embellishments or adornments but simplifications and components of the big picture, my student-centered classroom. I have altered and refined them based on student feedback. I have shared them at local and state conferences. I have adopted them as the foundation for my entrée. The main course of my festive, family dinner. Community building is the key to any student-centered classroom. A village has generalists and specialists. Classrooms do too. Let students choose which role they want to take in your classroom. Provide them with the tools to do their task, the freedom of how to do it and the guidance to make mistakes, problem-solve and make their own choices and a student-centered classroom will emerge.

Salads are great, they are the core of the dinner. Opening our taste buds, settling our hunger until the main course arrives. Whether our dinner is laden with gravy, meat and potatoes, vegetarian, or even vegan, the salad is the precursor. It is the fiber and roughage that helps us digest. Just as a solid lesson helps students digest new information. Gravy can be vegetarian too. It makes everything more palatable, for some. It is heavy though. Filling. So we need a balance between the two and hopefully never the two shall mix, at least not for me. You wouldn’t put gravy on a salad, would you? or would you? The choice is definitely yours, and my students of course.

The White Mug, Over-Sized and Simple in Appearance

I received a mug for Christmas from one of my students. It is an over-sized mug, it holds a nice amount of any comforting beverage. It is not short and wide, but rather an average size in height, of a great mug, just with a larger circumference. It is white on the outside, violet on the inside and around the rim is a layer of gold paint. You know when you find your favorite cup, bowl or spoon. You love it so much that even if it is dirty and in the dish washer or sink, you will not imbibe, until you wash it? Its comforting: the smoothness of the paint, the shape of the handle. It is your go to tableware.

This mug has all the equipage of a favorite utensil. Its handle is just a little wider than most handles. Its shape curves farther out from the base of the mug, so it looks bigger than it is. So as I raise it up to drink out of it, it feels more sturdy. The gold paint on the rim is also on the bottom of the tankard. It is the shade of gold, that glistens, just a wee bit, so as to appear regal, without pretentiousness. The violet, although just inside the flask, reaches the top edge, just beneath the glistening, aurelian ledge. It is a perfect merge of ivory and pink.

The best part of this mug is the simple saying, written in gold cursive lettering, "Wake up and be Awesome." Adorned with a violet and gold rainbow above it. I use this mug every day. It sits on my nightstand with water at night. I drink my morning Cup of Joe from its hefty edge, feeling the warmth on my fingers as I say my daily mantra. It has become a part of my waking up and going to sleep ritual. It somehow has become important to me, this mug.

It came to me filled with Andes Mints tied up in cellophane and a bow. I love Andes Mints and alas those were gone very quickly after I received them, this simple, yet meaningful coffee cup has made its way into my life. I see the phrase as I open my eyes in the morning, reminding me to pause and before I fully commit to the world, embrace my awesomeness. I am not a morning person so on many occasions, this beautiful, shiny, over-sized cup is an admonition of my mindfulness.

This white mug, over-sized and simple in appearance, is uncomplicated in exterior but deeply meaningful in its beauty of a simple turn of phrase: "Wake up and be Awesome." This vessel recognizes the need for a gesture of recognition. It does not try to be overly emotional or corny. It just lures the drinker, me, into a state of contentment. This mug, right now sits upon my night-stand, half full of last nights water. Rather than put it in the dishwasher, I am about to wash it by hand. So it can take its throne, beside my chamber of sleep. This way, when I am turning out the light, heading off to slumber, I know I will awake and be awesome. Even if I am the only one who knows it.

What is you favorite mug?

The Sunday Scaries: The Shape of a Weekend

As humans we spend our days and nights in regimented measurement. We do not have an inch of control over the pace or direction of time. Yet, we organize our lives around seconds, minutes, hours and decades. However fleeting, we have ownership of only two aspects, of the essence of chronology- what we choose to do with it and how we choose remember it. When the expectation of the unknown creeps in and our Friday settles evaporate, the Sunday Scaries trickle in. These feelings of uneasiness may seem ridiculous to some, but studies have shown that many people get this sense of uncertainty and anxiety after a long break but just as many pick up this vibe mid-day Sunday before the work week begins.

Every new week brings with it new challenges. We enter having many balls up in the air, trying to keep them afloat, amidst the motion and movement, of intervals, junctures and allotments. As one drops, we try to toss it back up avoiding a disruption, in our balancing act. But this can only continue for so long. We know we can not do everything, we can only schedule and regiment our tasks and goals the best we can. This anticipation, this anxiety, seeps in on a Sunday afternoon, as we are relaxing with family or hanging out with friends. Its a nudge, a whisper "It begins soon." As fast as we travel, we are inevitably flanked, forced into a lane of chronology.

A Monday morning is like a shiny new toy and the Sunday Scaries are the packaging. We have to rip it off, to expose the action figure, the bendable and flexible version of ourselves. Whether we see ourselves as Marvel Legends, Power Rangers or Transformers- it is the fear that the packaging won't open, that causes us the dread of a new work week. So most of us have to prepare ourselves for the struggle. Arm ourselves with scissors. This groundwork, rather than peeking in early Monday morning, tends to rear its ugly head during our personal time. Cutting short our period of personal leisure. So, if we know they are coming, how can we battle the Sunday Scaries?

The best way is to reflect and regroup Friday before we settle. Before we exit the doors of education and walk across the parking lot to recreation, we must frame our Monday. Write down our agenda on a sticky note and stick it to our computer screen. Use sharpie, make it bold and permanent. Even if it is flexible, take a stance- dig in to a plan so that in your mind before you turn off the light for the weekend repose, you know unequivocally that you are secure in a well-developed proposal. Make sure you have a frame of reference- the sticky note like a snap shot of success. so, when you turn the key in the ignition, your mind has a memory, a life-line. This way, on Sunday evening when the whisper gets louder, "Are you prepared?" you can shrug it off with a grin and say, "Yes I am because I locked it down before my Friday Settle.

Part 1: Friday Settles

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The Glaring Shine of Perspective: The Light Through the Canopy

Deck the Halls

This the season of mirth and merriment. Smiles and candy canes. Gift giving and accolades. But, we also must remember to focus on ourselves as well. To coordinate positive moments. Cultivate them, nurture them- for they do not emerge without the energy of mindfulness. If we pretend, if we are not genuine and fully invested in positivity- it is fleeting. Others will not feel the connection needed for the outward thrust of positive energy to spread. The holidays, summer break, or just a fun-filled weekend, may stir them up to the surface. But, holding them in place, glimmering within view, keeping them accessible and steady, needs some tools- a shovel, hoe or rake, whatever is nearby: Reflection and follow-through.

Be diligent, vigilant and wise- for a positive spirit is cunning at times. These interactions of joy, they often hide in the shadows, while we regroup after a stressful situation. At the holidays positivity is a vibration, luring a common-felt sense of gratitude and compassion. But as soon as that vibration dulls, after the allure of the New Year fades, many fall back into their rhythm. If we remain active and purposeful, however, these surges of elation and comfort, leave bread crumbs, we can collect to find our way to the next one. Each iota, kernel, or seed will become fully grown positivity, if we allow it the room, to stretch out and find its foundation.

With Boughs of Holly

Positiveness has tendrils that reach out and attach themselves to anything within reach. Outstretched and determined, they are relentless. Even when negativity creeps into view, they clasp on tight to anything uplifting- rising into the light. This upward momentum is their purpose, to gather energy and transform, is their design. The glaring shine of perspective- is only heightened with reflection and follow-through. It is one thing to realize we need to change our mindset, it is another to actually focus energy and accomplish the transformation.

I have heard positivity referred to as contagious. I prefer to think of it as a rain forest. Each layer necessary to maintain the abundance and diversity of color and flora. The emergent level, canopy, under-story and forest floor: each a destination, each a habitat, each intertwined in order for the ecosystem to thrive. The emergent layer is the emergence of the tallest of trees through the rest. These individuals are those whose smile, brightens moods instantly. They elude joy and their positive outlook, like sunshine, energizes all.

Fa La La La La, La La La La

The canopy, a tight, continuous layer- a community. This is the company we keep. Surrounding us with a sense of purpose and happiness. This is where most of us live, yet even this canopy can let us down. Causing us to look outwards, over the horizon for new companionship. But, no matter the disruption, the comfort of home, always draws us back to the canopy. The camaraderie and strength in numbers, makes us feel a part of something bigger. Especially at the holidays, these connections bring us together and creates a sense of family.

The under-story is dark, fragile, it can appear life-less- however, we tend to pass through this level without much effort. Within dwells our thick, impenetrable apprehensions. But, when we look up to the canopy, we are drawn away from this momentary lapse. Yet, it is within all of us. It is both mindfulness and positivity that guide us from its depths. We may feel burdened, lost, but it is the glimmer of light, peaking in through the brush that warms us. This glimmer becomes a glare, as we look within ourselves for the strength, to stay positive and mindful in moments of stress.

Finally, the forest floor, may actually receive less than 2% of the sunlight, but it is the sturdy foundation from which all of our positive and negative emotions emerge. It is a place where we rest, when we are busy, focused on the task at hand. It is where we are rooted. It is where our joyous moments, happiness, growth mindset and outgoing nature trickles down to. Nurturing our outstretched roots and tendrils, giving us the confidence to continue the passage upwards. It is the solid ground from which everything else grows. This is where our negativity decomposes, fertilizing the positive growth that rises our spirits to the upper levels of the emergent advancement of perspective.

Follow Me in Merry Measure

Perspective gives us clarity. It lets us see what truly matters. When we are stressed or upset- it lowers our heart rate and calms our senses, so we can make a well-informed decision. During this hustling-bustling holiday blitz, follow me in a mindful quest, by reaching out with those positive tendrils and connecting with joyful, inspiring people. Smile and use positive words to let those around you know that you notice and appreciate them. Listen intently, because this is the time of year that even with the festivities and holiday cheer, depression runs rampant. Follow me in merry measure by actively seeking out those who have fallen below the canopy, who may be stuck in the under-story and who need a glimpse of the luminosity of positivity and camaraderie, to find a solid base on which to climb. Together we can make sure the glaring shine of perspective, the light through the canopy reaches everyone- now and every day. Let’s carry the holiday spirit with us throughout the year, for positivity and mindfulness are never seasonal.

“Fast away the old year passes, Fa la la la la la la la!
Hail the new, ye lads and lasses, Fa la la la la la la la!
Sing we joyous all together! Fa la la la la la la la!
Heedless of the wind and weather, Fa la la la la la la la!”

What's in Your Oven? A Confectionery, Educationary Tale

This post is inspired by and mirrored around, the Great British Baking Show- a culinary masterpiece- from the UK and on BBC and PBS- the show is both mindful and constructive- like every classroom should be.

Preheating the Oven

It begins with a baker's dozen- 13 people from all walks of life, all areas of the UK. Each with a different approach and skill level to baking. All amateur, but some masters of cakes, other mavericks with pastries. Some prefer a butter cream frosting, while some love a nice royal icing. While, even others appreciate no glaze at all. These dedicated and brave contestants have the love of baking and the knowledge of alchemy, to help guide them on the nine weeks of culinary challenges. Every weekend a different ‘unit’, every week a different theme. Sound familiar? When the bell rings, what is your classroom dynamic?

This style of competition brings to the ‘tent’, the arena of confection and dessert creation, a wonderful mix of talents, interests and strategies. The challenges are the same for all, no matter their expertise. The playing field is leveled and the competitors nervous and excited, enter the tournament eager to impress. The process of the assignment might be similar, the final product shape the same: a doughnut or loaf of bread, but the approach, flavor and artistry of the eatery perfections, varies greatly. Guided by choice, making sure that the skill is measurable, and creativity is bountiful. While the technical is specific, the signature and showcase are more personal and freeform. This is learning and growth at their best.

Mixing Bowl and Recipes

The brief, as they call the individual challenges, or stages of the competition, come in three events: the first is the signature challenge, where bakers have practiced at home. Each week measuring a different skill set such as bread, batter and cakes. Each contestant brings to the 'gingham' table a unique recipe they have mastered. This is when the bakers bring in their favorite recipes, prior knowledge, and incorporate some new techniques. They must have the perfect consistency, or their custards will be flat, or their dough will not rise. Even with practice at home, in the comfort of their own kitchen, when they enter the tent, nerves rise, and mistakes can be made. This is trial and error, risk and reward, or risk and failure, pushing the bakers forward to try again with another challenge.

The second brief is the technical challenge, where they are literally left in the dark, including vague recipes that leave a lot of room for interpretation. This tests the baker’s wits. Can they put their culinary instincts to good use and overcome any hurdles that lie in front of them? Such as: How long to bake, do they need to prove the dough, and what the heck is a Bethmännchen? But more importantly, can they make something they have never seen or heard of before? It takes patience, confidence and perseverance. They do tend to get close though, they have the basic skill set of baking and they can reason things through.

Ultimately, they may be off on the size or consistency, but they usually get the recipe accurate. They can read recipes very thoroughly and successfully but without all the directions they are left to their own instincts to complete the task. This comes down to skill and baking prowess. Trusting in themselves. Each baker has had years of baking experience in their own kitchens, now they must take that knowledge and use it to excel at new recipes and techniques. This is problem-solving, critical-thinking and fortitude all crucial in baking and learning from our mistakes and being able to alter and change our plans according to the situation.

Finally, the third and final baking challenge of each week, is the showstopper, a grand and usually quite ornate display of baking mastery, where each baker has had time to perfect and practice their multi-skilled patisseries, cakes or puddings, over the last week. Whether they did or not is another story. Whatever the task, it tends to include multiple doughs, flavors and techniques. It requires multi-tasking, creativity and timing. Every task has a time-limit, but this event tends to come down to the wire because of its intricate nature. Forcing the bakers to keep the pace and stay meticulous. Some bakers shine in this round, while others just don't rise to the challenge. This is the weekly event that has the greatest impact on who is eliminated from the competition each week.

Tasty Confections

A gathering of learners, amateur bakers, with different skill sets. Creating a framework on which to measure craft, style and know-how. Provided with tools and ingredients and a venue. A process allowing for some personal elements and additives, bakers ultimately display their creative confectionaries for judging. They are given guidelines, but are also allowed to incorporate their strengths, preference of flavor and stay at their level of contentment. Each task or lesson pushing them a little bit out of their comfort zone. If they play it too safe, they will not stand out. If they take too big of a risk, they may present an under-cooked or unbalanced treat.

Taking a new approach, mixing new flavors, and constructing amazing center-pieces, may wow the judges and prove to themselves that risk is good. Risk is why we have the vast bakery of sweets we have in the world. Each country, culture and even individual family, have their own personal recipes, that make dessert so inviting. Concocting new recipes, trying new spices and different yeasts and diving in to new baking styles creates excitement and stirs new ingenuity. This is the Great British Baking Show, this is every classroom that challenges and welcomes adventure and failure. This is the luscious, sweetened, delicious result of learning and growth. Let's get baking educators.

As we bake our confections lets remember to preheat our oven, proof our dough and get creative with our flavors and spices. Each of our students are bakers in their own right, the more we step bake and let them experiment with their recipes and culinary masterpieces the stronger bakers they will become. Baking needs accurate measuring and defined ingredients- let students choose their own methods and their own flavor profiles- this prepares them for the real world- their own personal ovens. These ovens are where creativity, ingenuity and persistence rises and sets and with each baking challenge comes growth and a tasty adventure.  

A Reserved Presence is Often Linked to a Vehement Mind

Not everyone is emboldened to take a stand. Confident enough to speak their mind. Not everyone feels they have the right to. So many of us, remain reserved and quiet. It is where we feel comfortable and safe. I know it is where I am usually found, in the background listening. But, sometimes we have to speak up- for many of us though, we just haven't found our voice yet. This is a story I know will be familiar to some. I am hoping by sharing it, that I inspire others, who may feel like the can't or shouldn't be able to speak their mind, will find their strength to do so. Everyone has something important to say, their time, feelings, and spirit matters. Be kind, be mindful, be respectful and help everyone find their steady voice, this is how respect overshadow's negativity.

When Reserved Gets Angry

I think maybe why I am so quiet most of the time, is that I hate conflict. I mean I really just want everyone to be happy. At the first sign of contention, I buckle. Often leading, as my husband tells me frequently, other people to take advantage of me. I hate being aggressive or pushy and I think it shows. So when I ask nicely, many adults smile and agree, but then ignore my request. Students, they see me as someone they can trust and they respect my authority, but adults are another matter. 

This week a few things happened to reinforce this in my mind. One, because I felt I couldn't be pushy, lead me to get frustrated and as a result, a bit testy. I verbally had to speak up so that a group of adults would listen. This of course made me feel and look like the bad guy, which I wasn't. All I can say upon reflection is - leave on time please and be respectful. This sounds easy for many people, just tell them to leave, my husband said. But, to me, there were so many adults and my voice just caved. They were aware of my trepidation, its happened before and thus, they overstayed their welcome.

I know I need to take a stand and be more direct and persistent in my interactions, I am working on it. But yesterday, still stings. It is a heavy feeling to know I have to be aggressive to get something to happen. Somewhere along the way, in my life, I convinced myself I am replaceable, I do not deserve the respect others receive. This in turn comes off as, I am a pushover and won't defend myself. I know this is why my reserved presence has taken shape. Why my mind is busy all the time because it overshadows my doubts and insecurities.

I am afraid to make people upset, and as a result they get to take the lead. I need to keep my mindful approach but be more boisterous, make sure that adults see that I have a voice and an opinion. I just haven't found my strength to do it more often yet, in a mindful way that other adults will listen to. Just as I am about to respond in a witty banter, or smile and justify my point-of-view, I am full of fear and the moment passes. Yesterday, I tried very hard, but I had to get angry first. Then I went in to a tail spin and it is still oscillating. 

Earlier this week, another situation happened, but I took my usual course, mindfulness and calm. So, it didn't bother me, it actually made me more sympathetic.

A Reserved Presence

I have to admit, that frequently, I make it through a school day, without speaking in length, to another adult, is that bad?  I teach and interact with my students, I eat lunch in my room, listening to Spotify, I have a club after-school and then I exit the building. Now, this does not mean I don't say "Hello," in the hallway. I just don't have long drawn out conversations with people, on most days. I know this about myself and on a good day, when I am feeling chatty, I force myself to walk down the hall and start talking to a colleague. But, most days, I am quiet and introspective. My mind constantly designing, editing and reformulating my lesson plans. I am literally "in my head," the greater part of the day.

I have always been an introvert, self-reliant and self-contained, even as a child. Being bullied, I just created my own 'imaginary friends.' They were always there, an audience created for one. Audience in Latin, literally means listen, so my perfect companions, made the best cohort for me to talk things through with and my Dyslexia needed an outlet. The world is a very noisy place and in order for my thoughts to make sense I need to isolate myself a bit. So this is what I tend to do, even as an adult.

Of course, now, I no longer have' imaginary friends,' but the same character trait still exists: I like to think things through, embrace the quiet and just let my thoughts guide me. I have never been popular, trendy or famous. No one ever comes to my classroom just to talk, other than my students. I don't feel unaccepted or disliked, but maybe a little misunderstood. This I know, at least a little bit, is my fault, because I choose to stay more on the outskirts, on my own trail, not with a megaphone, but with headphones. It is the only way I know how to be.

An Eye Opener Keeps Me Focused

Earlier this week, I had a few things to deliver to my students in other classrooms. So at the end of my planning period, I ventured out to two classrooms to deliver them. As I approached the first classroom, I peeked in the window to make sure the class wouldn't be disturbed and I knocked on the door. Our classroom doors remain locked during the day and thus travelling from room to room requires a key or a knock. As I entered, the room, the teacher was walking around and helping students, so I quietly walked up to her. The teacher greeted me, and I asked if I could give something to a student. She smiled and said of course. This prompted students to greet me too. They smiled and in unison, began to shout out hellos and salutations. I handed my student the item and then turned to leave, thanking the teacher and apologizing for any disruption. She replied, "Not at all, we love visitors. Have a great day Mrs. CJ." I left with a smile. This by the way, is how I greet visitors to my classroom.

The next classroom was two doors down. As I approached it, another teacher was entering the room, they had a key. They let the door close, not noticing me as I walked up to the door. I peered through the window. The class remained focused on their assignment, undisturbed, as the second teacher joined the classroom teacher behind their desk. I paused and after seeing the two strike up a conversation, I knocked on the door. A student opened it saying with excitement "Hey, Mrs. CJ." I greeted them back. Then the classroom erupted with various greetings and high-fives- I slapped a few fist bumps as I made my way to the front of the room.

The two teachers looked at me with disgust. If they had spoken something aloud, at that moment, it would have been "These popular teachers, so rude to come in here and be welcomed by these students." Instead, the classroom teacher said, "How can I help you Mrs. CJ?" In response, a little intimidated, if I say so myself, I said "Can I give this to a student?" She glared at me. "No, I will take it and they can get it at the end of class." I slowly walked over to her desk and set it down. Then I started backing out of the room. ”Thank you," I said as I neared the door. Students got quiet for a moment. Observing, anticipating some kind of response from me, other than thank you. But I smiled. Waved at them and they broke out in good byes and see you later's. Which spurred a comment from the two standing in the front of the room, loud enough for me to hear.

Now, at this point I must explain a few things: one of these teachers is what I call a resting witch face teacher, they are seriously scowling all the time- so I think students do not quite know how to relate to them. The other is the IC of their department and you could tell, did not want to be there. The class was not focused on anything in particular- it was the last five minutes of class and they were beginning to pack up. It felt a lot more awkward than it should have.

Back to the comment. "Well it is clear now what type of teacher these students actually like." one of them said. The other responded, "It must be nice to be a 'popular' teacher."

I was shocked for so many reasons. One, me popular, seriously. I hate the word popular. I have never been popular, trendy or famous, as I mentioned earlier. In this moment, I was deprived of it, even if I had wanted it. Which I didn’t, popularity and trends come and go. They pass with the click of a Tweet. I want no part of that. I would prefer to be endearing and respected. At that moment, students turned boisterous. A friendly reaction transformed into a parsimonious incursion. In hind sight, I should have had a witty banter to toss back at them. I know my students were counting on one. But, instead, my quiet, reclusive demeanor just smiled and repeated, "Thank you, sorry for the disturbance."

Reserved Keeps You Mindful and It Shows

But my students, they took offense and said in my defense "We love you Mrs. CJ," and "We were packing up anyway so you didn't disturb us at all." and as the door was closing I heard the classroom teacher say "It disturbed me." As I walked back to my room, I pondered that comment. I could have gotten angry or defensive but, I didn't. I took it as a compliment. A challenge. A reminder that this is why I do not seek out conversations with other adults in my building. 

This is why my peaceful, positive, reserved classroom is my safe haven. A place without judgment. A venue for free expression and independent thinking. A locale not of envy or antagonism but of pride and acceptance. A classroom has revolving doors, as much as we keep them closed, we need to remember that as adventurers enter and leave our stomping ground, that they take with them a little piece of us. If it is a memory of kindness and optimism. They will see us and have a fondness in their hearts. But, if it is a recollection of parsimony and pettiness, these same students will be reluctant to trust and in turn they will be weary and jaded in our presence. It is so important, that every encounter we have with our students is a positive one. That every exchange is meaningful and mindful. When they are, when we enter a room students are happy to see us, they want to let us know they appreciate us. When they aren't, they become complacent and this complacency is what hinders learning, halts relationships and hampers a positive school culture.

This is one of my favorite sayings- when I get stressed, I repeat it to myself and say Walt Disney had to be boisterous, he had opinions and let them be known. This man, he created the "Happiest Place on Earth."

Around here, we don’t look backwards for very long… We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things because we’re curious… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.-Walt Disney

Forces Balanced: A Brief Story of Realignment

There was a gnat buzzing, appearing and disappearing, in the glare of the early afternoon sun. Swat…swat… then another one joined in the rebellion. It was a minute event, infinitesimal in the scheme of things, but it was the beginning of the rip, the tear in the fabric. A sound once distant, got louder, more distinctive, as it pushed away the voices nearby. It was a concentrated noise, drawing every inch of her consciousness, to a centered, focal point.

It was a tone, high pitched enough that she felt aligned with the pack of neighborhood dogs, as they wandered down the street. Even they paused and looked around, just as the sound reached her ears. Funny how a simple noise can suddenly unite, even if for a split second. The dogs picked up their pace, the gnats found other organisms to encircle and she, well she remained still, so still in fact that, she forgot she was alive. Every ounce of her being felt connected, blended, whole with the universe. Atoms merged, energy collided, forces balanced.

An orange tabby cat peered out from behind a nearby bush. The fur on his tail was fluffed, something had spooked him. He stepped out into the sunlight, but quickly, second guessed himself and retreated into the shadows. She remained motionless, inanimate, feeling like she too had to take cover at any moment. She chose however, to be stationary, unassuming, so she could determine the cause of her trepidation. The root of disharmony. Nothing happened immediately. It was several minutes before anything of importance occurred at all. Her nerves had settled, and she forgot about the humming, just long enough to let her guard down. The fabric began to separate.

The warmth of the sun felt nice. She rarely sat outside, grass gave her a rash. But today, of all days, she was reading outside. It was a quiet neighborhood and inside seemed so loud and distracting today. The buzz of electricity, the hum of the fans. The walls seemed to have a voice, creaking and stretching from the late summer heat. The windows were shiny, almost blinding, even with the shades pulled. Everything was in sync within the house, every angle nudging her outside, but she didn’t know why. All she knew, looking back on it now, was that something lured her outside and her house knew what she needed most. So, there she sat, itchy legs from the fresh mowed lawn, watching insects fly, cats hide, dogs wander and hearing the most peculiar of notes. The fabric vibrated.

The turbulence was not loud, most people who were out and about, didn’t even appear to hear it. Yet, they seemed to be in a deliberate daze. Like they too were lured outside, and they hadn’t quite figured out why. Some stood in their drive ways debating whether to wash their car. Children were kicking around a ball, not really playing, but more running through the motions of playing. Their smiles were genuine, but their faces almost looked as if they were being pulled upwards, by invisible strings. She continued to remain steadfast, spellbound by the merging of real life and science-fiction. It appeared real enough, to almost anyone else, it would play out like any other day. But to her, something was amiss: Missing cohesion, missing alignment, missing density. She closed her eyes, focusing on one thing, her breath. In, out, in out. Her heart beat slowed its pace. The fabric softened.

She decided to move, at last, slowly, ghost-like. Everything appeared intangible, distant, tenuous. She stood, the ground felt ethereal, like she was floating. Colors seemed brighter, more defined. Edges once unnoticeable, darkened making everything look traced, outlined. She reached out for the leaves of the bush, where the orange tabby was still hidden beneath. The leaves felt solid, but appeared to her mind at least, to be more important somehow than just mere structures for photosynthesis. Their edges, pushing the background and pulling the foreground. Like there was a shift in placement, even though they never moved an inch. There was a transport of energy, a connection to nature she never felt before. Fabric sewn into tapestry.

She crossed the lawn, every blade of grass was telling a story, an infinitesimal story. They seemed to be repairing some rip or tear that formed in the fabric, each a tiny thread, wrapping around one another until there was an appearance of normalcy. She paused, wiggled her toes, allowing the wetness to coat the bottom of her feet. That sensation she remembered. The rash on her legs became less itchy. The sun less blinding. The pause button seemed to be undone and the ripples faded leaving science-fiction behind. Bringing real life back up to full speed.

The tactile vibration of the focusing noise lingered, but the audible vibration disappeared, and giggles sharpened, as the children across the street became noticeable.  The buzzing of the gnat returned. Swat…swat, to no avail and another one joined in the rebellion. The green door, her front door, seemed to lure her back inside. The concrete howled from the heat of the sun. The trees creaked and stretched in the late summer breeze. Even the wind seemed to be nudging her back inside. The door knob glistened, she turned it and the shadow of inside swallowed her whole. But the vibration remains.