Overwhelming Becomes Integrated: Back to Teacher Mode

The feeling of being overwhelmed takes over, darkens the edges and creates a grainy, askew image of reality. Voices distant, hollow, speak and dissipate. Focus disseminates, scattering like the first semblance of morning light. The fog of hindsight ceases to lift, lingering heavy, every step leads somewhere but the journey is mysterious. Convergence of immediacy, procrastination, responsibility. The haze of summer meets the clarity of classroom life, yet how to begin remains aloof, just out of reach. The paralyzing effect of too much information in a minute amount of time. Expectations, vision, mission, goals, presented in rapid succession. A blur of data, I tell myself, just add it to the swirl of murk circling around me. People smile, greet and welcome, but in my head the vocalization of my colleagues remains a murmur, fighting to connect with my laden thoughts. This lasts for days, meeting after meeting, team building exercises, grade level discussions, planning sessions. I jot down notes in the hopes it will all make sense after the overwhelm becomes integrated into my reality and I settle back in to the routine of education.

An empty classroom, remains flat of expression. Desks put in place but the tone, personality, charm of the learning space is still absent. It will unfold and bloom on Monday when I get to spend time in my arena, our community space. It is Saturday, a quiet day of reflection and solidarity of thought. I am writing my first blog in ten days. I am using this platform to unscramble my thoughts and drive through a focused image of my educator persona, personal identity and writing disposition. The three are not one and the same. They each flow together, overlapping and isolating. Both ideas and emotions creeping into my mind and spirit. The personal identity, which is usually unbalanced, became stabilized and fruitful these last few weeks, which placed my writing and professional modes on mute. Today I am hitting the un-mute button. This week has been challenging: sleep, energy, communication. Mentally and physically exhausting. I have felt withdrawn and reserved. Happy to be back but overwhelmed and pensive. I must re-energize and lift the vapor so that Monday I can see with a clear vision and focused mind the tasks that lie ahead.

This blog is dedicated to all the teachers who have begun a new school year, are planning their year, or are just about to. Do not feel stressed or encumbered by the mists of reemergence. This is the time of year where so much is relying on our attitude and mindfulness. Know that you are appreciated and that every day you spend with your students, the more they will love you. Be present and joyful and embrace the 'freak-out.' Listen to the myriad of voices all around you, they may be numerous and distracting, but many of them will be telling you 'good luck and thank you for all you do.' Take time to reflect and find your center and know that your purpose is to build relationships and help those around you to shine. Most importantly, your voice is a voice of change and innovation. So through the dense miasma that may form around you in this time of deluge, listen for your own foghorn because it will guide you to shore.