Sunday, November 24, 2019

Perfect Fidelity, Allegiance Unwavering... Mind over What Exactly?

This is a lot of things. It may be depression, anxiety, fear. It is a voice inside our heads. It is despair and denial. But to each of us it is an aching feeling, goose bumps and shakes. It is a part of us, a constant battle. But we must defeat it, look it in the eye and take it down. This is to everyone who at any point has felt alone. You are not alone.

It Has Eyes, A Mouth and Sharp Teeth

Can there ever be perfect fidelity? Allegiance unwavering? Inside today, do you have loyalty, dedication, admiration? Maybe. But does it have fortitude, endurance? One minute you are seeking acknowledgement and homage, the next affinity and union. I myself, am emotionless, simple, direct. Yet, I hold tight to my convictions. As blood runs through your veins, pride courses through mine. Doubt resonates only beside confidence. I have never known failure, so I continue to conquer, defile and embattle brain and psyche. I remind, I hint, I nudge. Some may target a resistance, others accept me willingly, no guilt, no remorse only emblazoned attitude.

To feel me creep, means I am present, I have won. The battlefield is quiet, I stand atop the victory, arms outstretched to make known, I have taken charge. They, who I defeat, do not sign a treaty or wave a white flag, because they know not of their defeat. They simply lock step into a cadence of my choosing. While others stand along the route, gazing upon a parade of military might, they shield themselves from the temptation, from following. The percussion is luring. The uniform may unite, the medals are shiny and in abundance. Yet, the colors bleed into one vision of fallacy and narrowmindedness.

Sudden moves cause a disturbance. Eyes turn to squelch the wave. Some cower, stay in line. Others flee, taking with them their voices of dissent. While others stand firm to their curb, watching the procession turn, from ceremony to spectacle. This is when they step off the ledge and enter the march, not to blend, but to disturb, to break the ranks into individuals. To soften the drum beat and embolden the quiet, to raise their voices above the deafening din. This is where I strike back. I win more than I lose. They often need reinforcements to form a blockage. I, the detour, of rebellious minds, leave them outnumbered.

It Has Hunger and Needs to Be Satiated

I devour bravery, courage, follow-through and I often leave stuffed. I am hungry only temporarily. Your mine now, aren’t you, or are you? Is there ever perfect fidelity? Allegiance unwavering? Is there a tempo that can overpower mine? One minute you are in shadow, facing the past. The next you are tectonic, rumbling, breaking down the hierarchy. Not to stand atop in celebration, but to lead as observer, rebel, voice of reason. I fear you, when you feel empowered, so I am determined to disallow, disillusion, disenfranchise you. Make you feel every bit inferior, so you choose to recoil. So, your only option is to tremble and truckle. Retreat in frustration.

Do you know who I am? I think we may not have been formerly introduced, yet I feel you know my name. I am pleased to meet you. Would you care to have a drink, a cuppa coffee, a bite to eat? I thought not. You might have a bit of strength in you yet. But I have my eye on you and the moment I notice you wavering, your nerves cringing, your confidence flinching, I will be there. Waiting with open arms. Drumsticks in hand, your uniform pressed, so your entry into the demonstration will be effortless. Remain vigilant and I may just lose interest. Remain devoted to your cause, your story, your cadence and you just may never see me again.


1 comment:

  1. In my youth I read a lot of CS Lewis. This blog reminds me of a tiny text called "The Screwtape Letters". Lewis imagines 31 letters that an uncle demon writes to his nephew about how to dissuade the faithful away from religious beliefs. The uncle's name is Screwtape, thus the title of the text. It is a masterful exploration of psychology and theology. It is coming at apologetics from the opposing side, which seems to strengthen the readers resolve.
    Here, you have composed a song of seduction. The enemy of teachers attempts to lure weak educators into negativity and doubt. How many teachers fall into this trap? Your writing of drums beating brings to mind the movies about Jumanji. Can't you picture teachers in the faculty room or hallway itching to complain about something? If they give in, it unleashes the jungle of negativity that will take over the school!
    So, beware of this drumbeat. Know that it is out there. Know its intent. It is not interested in helping you be creative, improve pedagogy, or become energized. It wants to pull you down. Don't give in. Don't march to its beat. Ignore it. Close the Jumanji game and throw it in a river or burry it deep underground.
    Warning: If you try to burn the game, the ashes of negativity could float on the air even farther than the sound of drums. People might inhale them and then the disease of negativity could infect even more and have a farther reach. Best to burry it.
    I hope that I have interpreted your text correctly, Melissa. I'd be curious to know how this stands with your thinking.

    ReplyDelete

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