Wednesday, January 1, 2020

A Walk on the Wild Side- A Year of Words, Stories, Reflection, Begins (1)

This is a reflection to myself. A tribute because we all need one of those every now and again. "Take these words and sing out loud, cause everyone is forgiving now, cause tonight's the night the world begins again" (Goo Goo Dolls)

You Cannot Step into the Same River Twice

Since the water is forever moving, ever carving out a natural route, it is only for an instant, stagnate. With each ripple comes weathering, erosion and ultimately deposition. A constant stirring of the forces of energy, gravity and yes, fate. For this beautiful stream can be dammed, redirected, polluted. But if left alone to gather rainfall and snow melt, it will replenish itself.

It will begin as a trickle, a pooling of clarity, translucence and reflection. It will create hydration, then slowly it will gather the energy to spout, spurt, and sequence, into a stream and then a river of such spirit and stamina, that it will provide the vibration to generate creativity. Sustain ingenuity and ignite curiosity. In 2020, I will dab my foot in many rivers and they will invigorate and galvanize me.

Step Up, Step Into, Step Away From

There is a lot of noise, no matter the shelter, it hums, vibrates, directs me. Some are horns of warning, others flashy advertisements. You can never silence them. If not auditory, they are indistinguishable instincts, noiseless triggers. I often step up and embrace them- let them direct me on how to think. I often step into the trend. It is essential that I do just that, step into the trend- so I know what ambiance surrounds me, so I can choose the milieu of my actions and adventures.

Climate is often dictated by the masses, yet weather by individual environs. So I must make sure to step away from the deluge and step into the effulgence. I may need an umbrella some days, sunscreen others but whether I venture outside my comfort zone is on me- step up, step into, step away from- that is based on my own personal cadence. I can hear the beat....starting to thump.

Baby Steps, Keep in Step With, Side Step

When the ritual begins, my routine ensures- baby steps protect me, they help me feel comfortable when I fear outcomes. In order to keep in step with the barrage of greatness, I often halt my steps- doubt, judge, retreat. Judgement is a silent killer. Most people do not shout out negativity or crash into me with their antagonism- however some do. It takes just one to crease my ever unfolding image of myself. Yet I alone control its distance. All paper gets a crease or two, ruffled edges. It is up to me to flatten out the crumpled corners and recognize the peaks in the middle, that were created because of them.

Some people need to side step the beaten path because they need to walk up the mountain, some need to stay in their own foot prints. This keeps us in ever conflict and struggle to keep in step with. Yet, I must recognize, I can never get in sync with the sprinters, the marathoners- when I am a walker. I have tried desperately to run and maintain a pace far out of my reach. I have kept my eyes on the numerous numbers flashing by. I became exhausted, had to lie down on the curb and simply watch the race.

Ultimately I discovered, I am alright with spectating as long as my course is always accessible to me. As long as there is an alternate route, I am not looking for a medal just a beautiful view. Baby steps to get here, I have side stepped the sprint, muted the relay and am only keeping up with my own event.

One Step Ahead, Out of Step

They, whomever they are, I only see them from the back, numbers embossed and shiny, are always one step ahead. It can make me feel out of step constantly, unless, I slow my gait, lockstep with my personal dash. I rarely run in place. I need to keep moving, it is a response to my Dyslexic brain on overdrive. A change of scenery is always good.

If I continue to focus on the bibs of the runners around me, I will miss the crowd along the route cheering me on. They cheer everyone on, yes, but I deserve the praise. I am staying in the competition. I am acknowledging my strength and my stamina head on. I might be behind the pack, but the finish line is still in my future.

But this finish line is temporary anyway. There are many races, many directions, many climbs ahead.

Let the sprinters be yards ahead, miles ahead, because that is where they choose to be. They will pause for water and I might surpass them temporarily. I might just take the lead on some curves and thoroughfares- but I must accept that maybe my endurance does not equal my determination. Don't confuse the ability to predict with the ability to control. Take it slow, no sudden moves, just walk- in that direction.

A Spring in your Step, Step Down, Step Right Up

Before your feet hit the floor, every morning, say your intentions, repeat them, own them. Close your eyes and envision a day full of possibility. Put a spring in your step, step down into the world. Drink it in. Like the river you dabble in, let it nourish and cleanse. Step right up...the world is your oyster. Just remember to keep looking for the pearl.

With You Every Step of the Way 

There is only one person who can be with you every step of the way. Yourself. Others may lift you up, others might darken your spirit. Seek the positive, supportive rafters, they will be floating by you momentarily. There are many, if you just remember to ask for help. Every night clear the clutter, remove the weight of envy and frustration. Every morning wake up with optimism and curiosity.

Watch your step, Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Every goal has limits. Especially if you put to much pressure on yourself to complete it. Goals are Getting Optimistic and Living Spiritually. Just remembering to look up every once in awhile. Not to get bogged down with the bibs, the numbers rushing by, but to see the weathering, erosion, and deposition that your many tributaries are shaping around you. Those forces are driven by you. Your gravity, your electricity, your weather patterns.

Lean in and let the river carry you, your raft might need a bit of repair at times, there are lots of boulders to bounce off of and rapids to ride, but eventually there is calm, tranquil waters- where you thrive. Until you paddle out in search of more rapids. You know this about yourself. Just float, propel, freestyle your way through the ripples.

You need the turbulence to keep you engaged. So welcome it and then prepare for the scrapes, cause the obstacles can get sharp. If you are prepared they will be shift marks that will stir you alive in times of stagnation.

Step up to the Plate, Step on the Gas- Let the Stepping Begin

There is a plate- the game is afoot. Pitches are thrown, base hits and home runs are swung. I know I will swing and hit many this year. I am not self-deprecating- I am self-realistic. I may doubt myself but I am also alive with optimism and positivity. That is what mindfulness is- not joy but awareness and the ability to accept every part of yourself and alter course as needed.

I recognize my beauty as well as my scars. I know I have as many strengths as I do faults. I have a gift of words, they find me in the whimsy and ether of prose. For this I am blessed. I will focus on these words in 2020 and not the response to them. Every day a journey, a loud, vivacious drum beat, all my own. A gentle current leading to an expeditious tide. I am seeking both.

I know I am not alone. I have a home- on so many levels and in so many locales. The biggest transition from 2019 to 2020 is a shift from the bracing for defeat, to the fortification of my watershed. Having plenty of aquifers, filled and ready to be brought to the surface. Having enough permeation to strengthen my resolve and determination and yet enough room for a little change in course of the surface water: the rivers, streams, waterfalls and giant lakes of calm. I am fluid, a liquidity that will balance me.

The stepping begins when this my panegyric offering is posted. This post begins not my victory march, but my daily chase. Not a scurry to the lead, or the rear. But my spot, the one that ebbs and flows with my strides - and there will be many- you'll see.

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