Race to Nowhere

Stressed about grades, over-committed, multiple athletics, orchestra or band, chess club, math club, science club, I can go on. District Spelling Bee winner, studying for the SAT and ACT, all the while attending 8th grade and maintaining an A average. Does this sound like a super child, a robot, a fictional character? It does actually, but it isn't. This is a student I taught in 7th grade and is still on my Quiz Bowl team this year. as ambitious as this sounds, it is so unbelievable that a 14 year old takes on so much pressure. "Oh, they're young, they can handle the stress." Maybe for awhile but it takes its toll, causing hair loss, nervous ticks, even anxiety attacks. And for what? Getting into an ivy league school? How important really, is an ivy league school?

What is truly sad, the aforementioned student is one of many I teach. Perfectionists, with a to do list impossible to conquer, expectations so high they can never be met, especially because they are continually being raised. Often this overdrive and hyper-focus is coming from an internal stimulus, but I have seen over my years of gifted and talented education that it can just as likely come from overbearing parents. "Helicopter parents, Dragon moms, Raptor dads" as they are called by many educators. When these A type parents come to my Quiz bowl or Future City competitions, I have to keep them away from their children or the stress gets so bad their child actually shuts down, self-sabotaging themselves. They are just children and they want to please but we need to step out of their way and let them find their own self-confidence and drive. This is the only way to ensure their commitment is personal and genuine and not pre-programmed.

So how can we as teachers, ease their burden? First and foremost we need to reinforce and model that constructive criticism is not a personal attack but feedback that leads to improvement. We need to set them up to fail. I don't mean in a bad way but a overcoming adversity kind of way. If we do not design situations that are challenging enough to push these students and get them to step off the path, the well grooved path, walls will emerge from the deep deep grooves they pace upon and box them in. The ridges a top these grooves is where we need to get them residing. But, alas, the cavernous gapes tend to slowly encapsulate them like quicksand and when this happens not even we as teachers can pull them out. We need to be the bridge they can cross the expanse upon. Still staying the course, as we can not get them off this course entirely, but just the elevation they need to see the big picture.

The big picture of failing, feedback, reflection, innovation and reconstruction. Much like an architect they need a myriad of strategies and blueprints, and vision to design and construct a safe route for themselves. I always ask my students if being good not great at something would ever be okay with them? Many say "no, absolutely not." I respond with "Disney was not a good animator, he didn't draw well at all, but he was always a great idea man, and a good writer." Chuck Jones. "Here is one of the most famous people, literally, on the planet and he was good at many thing and great at a few. So find what you are passionate about and be great at it, and do your best at everything else." The best way to help a perfectionist, is to provide them with situations they can't perfect. Set them up to stumble and fail. Reset their thinking, model to them frequently that it is alright to take time to get it right. That sometimes good is enough. As Disney once wrote, "All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." They simply need to be reasonable, achievable and by all means enjoyable. Messy, courageous, adventurous and always, always imperfect because that is when true inspiration unfolds.