Then I Wouldn't Be Me (59)

I could have gone to mindful schools, where students refrained from bullying and every teacher was engaged and friendly. I could have had friends. I could have NOT been born with Dyslexia and struggled in school, until I entered high school. I could have been an optimistic, outgoing, ordinary child. But, if any of these things were true, I wouldn't be me. I am me, not in spite of these things, but because of these things.

I could have chosen to succumb to my fate of having a learning disability. I could have fought back against the bullies. I could have tried to be the 'teacher's pet.' I could have acted like my peers: read popular books, played popular games. I could have grown up in one school- yet I attended 5 different elementary schools. I could have had to change high schools, yet I attended the same for all four years. If any of this had been different, I wouldn't be me.

I am me because of my set backs. I am me because of my triumphs. My childhood was relatively happy, outside of school. A normal nuclear family. Loving parents, grand parents and sibling. I had what I needed, I did not go without. I was blessed. This is a characteristic of my youth that shaped me a lot. As did my in school life: both tumultuous and depressing. But- together they gave my life substance. Without that I would not be me.

I have a bit of anxiety, yet I cope well with setbacks. I doubt myself, over judge myself- yet I appreciate my quirks and oddities and, in fact amplify them, to accentuate my uniqueness. I love my individuality. I may be misunderstood at times, but I stay true to myself. If I stopped doing that, I wouldn't be me.

And me...is pretty cool.

Classroom Curiosity and Creativity- A Trim Tab Mentality (57)

Creative Current

Creativity is only going to show up, if you show up every day looking for it. It finds you, only if you are open to receiving it. It’s a huge ocean of ingenuity, discovery and imagination out there. Each circling and flowing in the current. Creativity sinks and floats. It's fickle and if it feels you don't care, or are ambivalent- it just might pass you by. 

You may be making a wide turn towards it, but if the trim tab isn't functional, you may lose it in the wave. Trim tab- a smaller surface on a ships rudder, allowing it to turn, helps the vehicle to counteract hydro- or aerodynamic forces and stabilizes the boat. We all have trim tabs. They are our compass, our sense of direction, when we are overwhelmed, they are the remedy to our doubts and fears- they are by design our sense of self.

Trim Tab

Sharp turns are difficult when we are adjusting the direction of a barge, our large vessel of self-consciousness and motivation and apprehension. We carry with us all of these emotions- each shaping our decisions and attitude. We are each, social, emotional, personal transport ships- moving around the vast sea of curiosity, hope and growth. We pull into port at times, we traverse the open ocean at others- but we are always carrying a load of information and feelings we pick up along the way.

That's why we need to show up, looking for creativity, so we can alter course quickly, when we feel its approach. We also have to maintain our trim tabs; they are the device we use to maintain our course. Curiosity and creativity go hand in hand. Rudder’s and trim tabs work together. There has to be a synergy. This is when we are comfortable and open to new experiences. We know we can endure any storm, because we know our barge is heavy, weighted and sea worthy.

Adjustment Allowance

How do we get our students to enter the water- trust the construction of their vessel? Practice. Lots of storms. Throw some lightning and few tsunamis in there for good measure. Make sure their barge hits the high seas, bounces around, feels the turbulence. If we don’t push them beyond their comfort zone- they will sink at the first sign of agitation.

Here are a five disturbances, I use in my classroom, to entice students to take a risk. To steer into the unknown:

•         I give them verbal directions only, generally three steps and NOT let them write them down. I say them three times, emphasizing each step with a visual image (I say picture a funnel, or a box). Then I have them execute the plan without speaking. This builds their competitiveness, listening skills and problem-solving skills.
•         I use Ziplocs to lure them in. Clear bags full of odd objects. Things they are unfamiliar with, mixed with a few familiar ones- for example: Lego bricks, mini-koosh, a ball bearing, an aglet, zip tie, a strange key, and a film container. I tell them build me a model of a cell or a body system- each part has to represent an organ or organelle. If they don’t know what they are they struggle with the purpose and have to debate which organ it represents.   
•         After a discussion, I simple say- you have 2 minutes, with a partner, find a way without words to show me you understand the concept. Or, you have 2 minutes, using poetry/song, explain the concept to your table partners.
•         Before we start a new topic, or avenue of investigation I like to ask them a question that lures them to the opposite of what we are doing. I have them start with the wrong approach. For example, if we wanted to demonstrate the order of the organs in the digestive system- I would make them go backwards first. Then discuss why this wouldn’t work? Not just that eww! How disgusting, but mechanically and chemically why it couldn’t happen.
•         One of the best ways to get students to adjust to their heavy barge direction, to steer at a new course, trim tab at the ready, is to let them think for themselves. I say "Take it upon yourself, to demonstrate your understanding”- I let them teach themselves science- is that what I am not meant to do? I think so. So I present a problem- ask a simple question and let them roll with it.

You would be surprised how much more effort they put into something they designed, they thought of- its personal and that my friend is creativity and curiosity incarnate. We as educators just need to trust. We can see very quickly if they are off track or distracted- a little turbulence (I add a new component or dimension to the assignment) will get them right back to center.

Some days it’s straight-forward research or a bit of notes and some application. Some days its Jenga, Puppet Shows and Play-doh creations. We use the makerspace or we podcast. No matter the agenda- it needs to be based on student input. Their navigational tools are what allow our classroom ocean, to benefit from the plethora of barges, as they cross the great divide. It’s all about curiosity, waiting for the turbulence. It’s all about the trim tab, the minds control, over where the rudder steers.

When students capsize, they will flip back over quickly, if we just step back for a moment and let them. If they are taking on water, and rely on their classmates to start bailing, they will work together to halt the intake of water. Creativity and problem-solving require showing up and looking for it- understanding that both need our full attention. For when we give it what it needs, it will return the favor.

The Places That Scare Us (55)

It is with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. 
-Antoine De Saint-Exupery

We are afraid of the unknown. The invisible, like a cold chill, makes us feel frightened because we can't see it coming. It spawns distraction and doubt. But if we live our lives with an expectation that we must be constantly learning, trying new things, investigating the world around us- we will feel more at ease with uncertainty. "Live life like an experiment" -Trungpa Rinpoche. If we accept the hypothesis of viability, maybe our variables will lessen.

"In the beginners mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's there are few."
-Zen Master Suzuki Roshi

The beginner's mind seems like an insult to some, "What do you mean I am a beginner? Are you saying I am ignorant?" I have heard people say. It is not at all. To me it means a curious mind. A magical and spontaneous mind. An open-minded spirit. If we stay inquisitive and investigative we stay within the world of experimentation and discovery. I try to learn something new every day. To see things differently. To approach a problem from a new angle. This way my mind stays a beginners mind always.

Minds may become specialists somethings and generalists at others, but if we keep our minds in the realm of beginner- we can always see the world as something static and fluid. Ever changing. This is a place that scares many of us. We like to have things visible and at times predictable.

Yet, learning is never predictable. Life is never predictable. If it is, we need to see it more as an experiment. If we do, we can hypothesize, gather evidence, problem-solve- and ultimately, continue to see the world as a giant laboratory. A huge, flexible workshop. Then it will become our playground- and this is less scary isn't it?

Monday Morning, Reflection (53)

Cold air whooshes like a slap in the face, it surrounds you, as you open the exterior door. It sounds like a vault as it is finally exposed to the elements. Like on TV when they open a safe that has been locked for decades. The audible snap of the seal, whispering “What’s inside?” as it slowly releases the staleness of isolation. 

The anticipation speaks in a dull hum, felt to the core. As you step inside, hallway becomes scenery, each step a different landscape: Jungle, prairie, mountains, sandy beach. Crisp coolness mixes with a warm breeze- expectation meets imagination. Possibility meets parameter. Individuality meets consistency. There is a stillness, waiting to become noise. A serenity in need of agitation, disturbance, action. You can feel the rumble as it nears.

Desks empty, tables organized. Board advertising procedures. Enticing curiosity. This space has become your second home. You spend more time here than you do sleeping. It is comfortable. Yet, it is missing something, an energy, a din of giggles and contentment. There is a swirl of optimism glistening in the light. Sparkles of prospect, promise and passion gently adding a layer to the classroom climate. 

The daily weather forecast: clear skies. The warmth ignites a potency of happiness. A little bit of moxie and pizzazz in your step. You are prepared. You are at the starting line, you have stretched and prepared for this- the opening bell is just about to ring.

For the remaining moments, you hum your theme song. A soft cadence becomes a boisterous rendition. The room absorbs your stamina and fortitude. It becomes an animated space: dynamic, spirited and above all else, activated. It becomes more than a classroom, it becomes an ecosystem: Jungle, prairie, mountains, sandy beach. It takes on the spirit of overlapping vegetation, tall grasses, peaks and valleys, ebbs and tides. 

As the voices approach, the wave reaches shore, the inhabitants merge into view- you see the entirety of potential. You no longer just see individuals on printed rosters, but communities. You may stand near the center of this beautiful landscape, but you are nothing without the residents. The citizenry of the classroom.

They enter, buzzing, chirping, cackling and chattering. They carry with them the vibrancy and tempo of real life. They send a vibration into every corner of the school. It is like a pulse, beating, charging the once silent hallways with electricity. This is the day they solidify your image of what your classroom culture will be for the year. They will determine the mindfulness. The kindness. The positivity. 

When you emanate joy and gratitude, they will return the energy with trust and respect. This is the moment many voices merge into a common language- expectations and possibilities. This is the day you choose to let many opinions remain vines, that connect the flora of imagination and creativity. 

This is the year that uniformity once thought necessary, dissipates and a common vision becomes clear. This is the space of all invested, the community of every participant, the home of every learner as they grow and expand into one giant jungle, prairie, mountain, sandy beach.

Monday morning reflection is much like returning after a long break- it can be exciting if we let the anticipation grab us.

An Honor, Humbled, Recognition (51)

Tonight I received an award. PTA Lifetime Member Award. I was told I had won a few weeks ago, tonight there was a Founder's Day Banquet, for all of the recipients. There are just under 5,600 teachers in Katy and tonight 50 were honored with this award. Very humbling.

Our PTA president also gave us beautiful bouquets and the district a gold pin. A wonderful dinner, great conversation and an award. What a fantastic night. My first ever award as a teacher. So I am truly honored and humbled and thankful. Plus our PTA president I found out tonight is one of my students parents.

Very cool. A night I will remember. Remember to keep doing what I am doing what I love. Even though I feel a lot of the time, I am under the radar, I go unnoticed. I found out tonight- I was wrong.

What was it for?

It is a big honor to receive this award.  It is given to people who have demonstrated commitment to the ideals of PTA.  "Making every child's potential a reality".  A committee chooses parents and staff each year to give the award.  Your HUGE commitment to Quiz Bowl as well as Nat Geo Bee, Science Bowl and your fabulous teaching of science has not gone unnoticed.

Thank you for all you do!

Allison

Melissa's Extraordinary Playlist (49)

I watched a show a few weeks back called Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist. It is about a girl named Zoey, who while having an MRI, has music accidentally downloaded into her brain. A giant Spotify list, in her mind, due to an Earthquake. A far-fetched and silly premise yes, but a really interesting show. 

Turns out in certain situations, people around her break out into song about what they are feeling. Some are a cappella performances, others huge Broadway style numbers. Then after the song, everything goes back to normal and none is the wiser. No one remembers. Except Zoey. She usually gains a lot of insight from the song.

It just came back after all these weeks with the second episode. I am looking forward to watching it. The idea got me thinking- what if I had a playlist I could access in my mind. Then I thought, I already do. I can also click on Spotify on my phone or computer and listen anytime I want (in my free time that is). But what if I could glean insight from my students, if they broke out into song, told me what they were struggling with. It doesn't happen all the time to Zoey and well, I wouldn't want to hear music all the time either. But when needed it would be pretty insightful.

If we could concentrate and listen, get needed updates through song- that would be kinda cool. Just think if we could hear songs, in certain situations. Helping us as educators to remember to stop, think and listen. Songs that students wouldn't remember they sang, but we would gain such insight. Nothing too personal, just what we need to know to help them through struggles, academically, socially and emotionally, and in return they could hear some positive songs from us, when we are willing to send them a song or two. Life would indeed be a much more mindful place.

For Instance: Here are just three I can think of off the top of my head. But, if I took some time - the list would be endless.

Home- Phillip Phillips- 

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you're not alone
'Cause I'm going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone
'Cause I'm going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't…

Better Day's- Goo Goo Dolls- 

And you asked me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud
'Cause everyone is forgiven now
'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I need some place simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child who saved this world
And there's ten million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words and sing out loud
'Cause everyone is forgiven now
'Cause tonight's the…

and to let girls know they are not weak and should be strong and loud

I'm Just a Girl- No Doubt

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know
Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand
'Cause I'm just a girl, little ol' me
Well don't let me out of your sight
Oh, I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights
Oh, I've had it up to here!

The moment that I step outside
So many reasons
For me to run and hide
I can't do the little things
I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those little things
That I fear

'Cause I'm just a girl
I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night
Oh I'm just a girl
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes

Oh I'm just a girl
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype
Oh, I've had it up to here!

Oh, am I making myself clear?

I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world
That's all that you'll let me be!

Oh I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb

Make me worry some
Oh I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've succumbed to
Is making me numb
Oh I'm just a girl, my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
Oh I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison

Oh, I've had it up to!
Oh, I've had it up to!!
Oh, I've had it up to here

Fail, Fail Again, Fail Better (47)

Failing is an art. An art form. A genre of art. It can be messy, like a Pollock, splattered and chaotic. It can be huge brush strokes, noticeable and flamboyant like Van Gogh, or it can be personal and subtle like a Rembrant. A portrait of ourselves and our incessant need to improve ourselves. It rarely is said that failure is sought out. Yet, it is. For we know, if we do not stumble, tumble and catch ourselves we will never be able to harness and climb our tallest of goals.

We have to get there. As I said in my yesterday's post, what got us here, wont get us there. We have to continue to take those wild opportunities, the ones we know we won't quite shine at. We will complete them, to zero fanfare, but when we come out the other end- we will have found a part of ourselves we thought we had lost. The childhood version of the universe, we were told to cage as adults.

As adults we see bubbles and our eyes glisten just a bit. We see an ice cream cone and remember the shore, sand between our toes, the sound of the waves. We feel our childhood everywhere, yet they are glimpses. These echo's are there not to depress us, but to inspire us to be the image of ourselves, we clearly had in our heads, when we walked that summer day on the beach. We underestimate ourselves, all the time. Even the most confident of individuals, has doubts. They are just really good at masking them.

Failure is an option for us, even though it wasn't for the amazing Houston scientists and mathematicians of NASA, when Apollo 13 needed to land safely. It is a benefit that we fail, because some of the most innovative and evolutionary failures have led to the most innovative and evolutionary advances of human kind. Those individuals saw their failures, and laughed in the face of failure...ha, ha, ha.

Fail, fail again, fail better. Seek the moments when you know that you will struggle and scramble and strive. I write a lot about not fitting in- I don't. But, I also write a lot about overcoming my isolation, I keep trying to do better, see things in a different way. I get lonely. But, I am also very comfortable being alone. When I come home my family is around me and I am surrounded by love. 

It is a balance. I do not let exclusion become avoidance. But, I also do not let myself nudge into places where I do not feel connected. I am alright, in a quiet, darkened room innovating alone. I sit with others, I listen, I plan, I socialize- but ultimately, I am in my head. I have questioned that for awhile- being in my head more than I am being in the company of others. 

I have soul searched, meditated and prayed. I have tried to see others as isolating me. But in reality, it is me, isolating myself. I am stepping out a bit more, walking over to someone else and talking to them. Trying to create connections. There are a few improvements, it will take awhile. But, I have also come to the realization- I am alright, traveling frequently, to my head space.

A balance- family, loud, chaotic, messy like a Pollock. Bright, colorful brush strokes of a Van Gogh- innovating and sharing my ideas. My personal, journey- subtle, consistent, calculated shapes and portraits of a Rembrant. Together they are a landscape of me.

My failures are art. They are an art form. They are every genre of art- all of them and together they create the most amazing of museums. I can wander and observe all of the beautiful masterpieces of my lifetime. Even with a little Edvard Munch added in, my life has been pretty cool. What is a museum, a life, failure and success, without a few screams?