Satisficers and Maximizers

I have been hearing a lot about these two terms as of late: mazimizers and satisficers. It got me thinking a lot about myself. How I tend to indeed behave like both in different situations. I guess like a growth mindset and closed mindset, we all fit somewhere in the middle. Where do you fit?

Satisficers and people who are pleased to settle for good enough. Because it is good enough for them. It is a good fit. It makes them happy. It creates a place or situations where they can thrive because they feel comfortable there. They are less likely to feel regret after they have made a decision. They trust themselves. 

Maximizers are seeking the perfect meal, the perfect lesson, the perfect car, home, or experience. They compare their situations to those of others- making sure they chose the right one. They are perfectionists. They know what they want and won’t settle. They won’t stop looking, planning or acquiring until they feel satisfied- which they rarely do. So, they tend to have lower levels of happiness than satisficers.

There is a positive result to being a maximizer- they tend to have better results. Higher achievement. End up in better paying jobs. Yet, once they make a decision, they are far more likely to second guess themselves. They use social comparisons to guide their decision making. To get the most optimal results. Fewer options works better for maximizers as they need to weigh all their options. Because when they face too many options, they feel like they are missing out on something. I think we all feel this way.

Is one better than the other? Are we a combination of both? Does this align with growth mindset and closed mindset? Why would we settle? Is it settling if it is the best fit for you? The word settle always has a negative connotation with it. I think, settling is allowing the dust to rest at the bottom, not stirring things up- so you can see everything and decide the best course of action. Maximizers may want to see the playing field from more angles and depths- but the end result comes from really looking at every choice. I think both do the same thing here.

Sacrificers might seem impatient and quick to decision- but I think they are just more realistic. They understand that moving forward sometimes means just that- finding what fits and walking out the door. But I think that we are all sacrificers in some aspects of our lives and mazimizers in others.  We spend our lives deciding what to eat, what to wear, where to live, work, play. There are so many day-to-day, moment to moment, decisions- sometimes we just have to decide quickly. Other times we have the luxury to stop and ponder.

This is a moment, as I write today, where I ponder and reflect on my last week. Look ahead to the upcoming one. I know there are things I must settle on- decide- choose and be alright with. There are others I can compare and dive deeper and take more time to really figure out. The luxury of finding what I want, is a gift.

I guess we are all mazimizers and sacrificers to some degree. But the most important thing- is to rethink and adjust. See the options as just that- options. And continue to move ahead- full sails, with the wind behind us. Don't let too many options null your choice.

Don't allow ourselves to compare too much, for we never truly know the full story of another. The facade may seem colorful, shiny and perfect- but what lies behind the mask is unique. Live you. Believe in you. Maximize, sacrifice and balance yourself. Find your groove. Only you know what that is- we all have our own cadence, rhythm and melody. Close your eyes, listen- can you feel yours, hear yours?

A Cape of Good Hope: Student-Teacher Interactions

Trust is not given lightly, for most students. They size you up. They push the boundaries to change the shape of the box. They smudge the lines. They focus on your attitude, your demeanor, your words. Especially your facial expressions- even behind a mask your eyes tell a story. A day to day tale every student is gripped to, like a fantastic novel, written just for them.

But as we all know from experience, some students need a little extra attention. 

Some hide from any sort of interaction- hoping, praying you do not call their name or walk up to their desk. 

But most students, they want to converse, step into your bubble. Little ones they crave it, they need it. High-Schoolers, they want you to think they don't care- their nonchalant desire, worn like a cape of strength. But middle schoolers, junior high students- they aren't so good at the masquerade.

I am the corny teacher. I tell corny jokes, wear a colorful pair of Keds or Sketchers daily- a quirky t-shirt too. I say hello to everyone as they enter the room- smile a huge grin from behind my required facial covering. Sometimes I get a hello in return, sometimes a glance and shuffle. But, I am relentless. Every day a hello, using their name. Eventually I get at least one or two responses. 

My virtual classes are much larger. 30-35 faces on a screen all staring back at me. Its a bit daunting. But, I choose a few names per day to greet individually, as they are beginning their science-starter. I say them aloud- sometimes they respond verbally, others in the chat box. It has taken a little bit longer to get them to warm up to me. But we have a good rapport. 

I make the same corny jokes on Zoom that I do in class. But, my demeanor is different. Sitting in a chair creates a certain aura that you lose in a face to face classroom. The act of mobility itself- creates a sense of blending and ebb and flow- you miss this fluidity in a virtual classroom. So I have to work extra hard to use my hands, and lean in and out of the camera- to create a sense of urgency.

I guess it does come down to that in a nutshell. Engagement is all wrapped up in a sense of urgency. Like, if you aren't listening, you are going to miss something. As if the gripping story that is leading their school lives day to day, has a huge plot twist unfolding. They need the twist, not the long drawn out narrative. They need the character development, the arc, the mystery. That is how students and teachers learn to interact, build relationships. Move the plot forward.

We all wear capes: the small ones that help us fly- and look cool. Or the heavy hooded ones shrouding our faces on those days we feel overwhelmed and frustrated. We hide ourselves as much as they hide themselves. But, it is the interactions that matter the most these days. The eye contact, the smile and yes (I am going to admit here) fist bumps and handshakes. That is why we have hand-sanitizer right?

So I have a few athletes who have been a bit restless and a little withdrawn. They grunt more than they speak. They have tried desperately to avoid making any sort of effort to connect with me. I tried by using their names, telling corny sports jokes, talking about their games and lives- to no avail. Only being met with one word responses and rare eye contact. 

So I decided to create a unique handshake with one of them. My most challenging, my most uninterested student. So I asked him "Do you want a secret handshake?" He stopped dead in his tracks. "A handshake, he asked?" I responded, "Indeed, a silent hello. Then after, we can use hand-sanitizer." He smiled, thought about it for a moment or two- then came up with a quirky grasp, wiggle and thumb wrestle hand-shake. I fumbled on purpose a few times, giving him the opportunity to teach me.

Every day sense, we have done this handshake as he has enters my classroom. Then I squirt some hand-sanitzer in his hands. A routine, a ritual- a bond.

Then as one would expect, the other athletes saw this and low and behold- now I have six unique handshakes with different students. Other students laugh and watch as we do this daily. It is an event that has brought my class closer together. These students are more interactive in class. They say hello to me in the hallway. They wave. They smile. They interact. Our cape is our handshake.

Be quirky. Be you. But also make sure you bring a little oddity into the mix. That's what makes a great story. The unexpected twist of a handshake. The huge smile that may seem unnoticed- but that lightens the burden of those around you. 

A handshake, a smile- they unfurl the cape. Words of kindness, patience, compassion- they are the wind that gets the cape soaring behind you. 

Unfurl your cape. Whatever your cape is. Unfurl it and engage. Create urgency and a sense of surprise. Believe in the story, for it is the reason we wear our capes. Capes are our demeanor, personality, attitude and charisma. They are our moments where THEY teach us, where a gesture of a handshake changes everything. 

Cape, handshake- smile, words of kindness. Be a superhero. That is what they need right now. That is what we need right now. We all need a good superhero.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Lift Off

There are a lot of lists coming out these days. Top tens of the last year. 5 things not to do. 20 things to do this year to be stronger, faster, better. But it all comes down to one thing- not one word or goals, intentions and the like. Just one thing- you. How you see the world. How you see yourself in the world. What you want to do to make your life better.

Self-help books sell abundantly because they offer a quick fix. A set of guidelines that claim to work. Maybe they do for some people. But, will reading books about diet, resilience, and happiness make you thinner, more motivated and happier? Temporarily maybe. They might just be the spark you need to see the flame of growth, renewal.

I must admit I have read many a self-help book in my fifty plus years. I have dieted, exercised and changed my habits. Only to sneak back into my old ways. I figured out after a lot of trial and error that all of the suggestions dictated by others- only placated my sense of belonging. It made me feel like I was fighting 'the man' just like everyone else. I was bucking the system because everyone else was too. It gave me a sense of community- residence in that same village everyone else claims to be a member of.

I see the world uniquely- as most of us do. So why do we struggle so much to try and see the same way others do. Is that yearn for acceptance that powerful? Indeed it is. But, for those of us who have never quite fit in- it seems to be a pull of orbital proportions. It syncs us in someone else's revolution and rotation. Spinning us effortlessly into a path not of our own.

Goals, intentions, expectations are never anyone else's to give. They might be offered and we might accept them- but to no long term avail. We do not feel honest with ourselves and thus we revert back to a place where we do. This cycle is constant. This rising of the moon and setting of the sun is daily. It is unavoidable unless we set our circadian to our own clock.

Be true to yourself. Invest in yourself. But before you can do that- you have to find yourself. The sayings go. But, I think we know where we are, we know what we need, we understand ourselves. We just have to find the humility, to trust ourselves- and not blindly rely on others to shape us. It is the carving and chiseling that is the hardest. We are often afraid of digging too deep.

Resolute. Admirably staying the course. Being willing to bend and stretch. Veer and leap. All the while holding firm on where you need to go. Finding purpose, relevance and meaning. Isn't that what self-help is all about. Self-advocacy. Self-reliance. Some of us need clear, concise ways to make this happen. Thus a self-help industry. Some of us need to find it in ourselves or it will never stick and become permanent change.

Which ever you need. Invest in yourself. To be better, stronger, faster- you have to envision it first. Imagine the muscle strength, imagine the success, imagine the effort and determination. Only then can action take over. We can not teleport to a better us. Nor can we skip steps or read to the last page of the book. We must invest. We must entangle ourselves in the hard work and effort. That is the only way we can truly build the tissue mass into muscle strength.

Our brains are muscles after all. In order to strengthen our mindset we must exercise our will, our endurance, our self-worth. We have to feel it in every electrical impulse, shooting through our nervous system. We have to practice. We have to repeat. We have to trust our instincts and do it over and over and over until we feel confident. Then our muscle will sync with the impulse and we will be able to change.

This new year is not one of huge upheaval or massive course redirection. It is for me a year where I lift the weights and run the marathons and stretch my sore muscles so I can do it over and over again. It is about the incremental steps needed to accomplish what I see as a journey of endurance. That is what I have planned on the menu. Simple training of my mind and body in order to reach where I know I need to go.

I hope that for everyone out there, that you invest in yourself. Not with exercise equipment necessarily. Or books abound written by someone else. But that you write your own story. Page one is empty- so pick up a pen and start scribing your adventure. Believe in your intentions. Invest in your intentions. They are yours alone. 

Write your prologue, write your chapters and no matter where your story takes you- keep investing. The greatest investment is in ourselves- for that is the only investment we control 100%. The interest, the dividends, the profit. We control it. You control it. Earn grace and hope every day- put it in your savings account- you will need it throughout the year. Spend what you need. Save more. 

My first deposit is today. Right now. I invest in me. I believe in me. I trust myself. I am writing my own story. I own the publishing rights. #2021Write52 my pace, no one else's. My words, my parse or elaboration. My imagery or directness. It is mine and I will go where no one has gone before- because it is literally my universe, my orbit, my spacecraft, my space. I am pilot, astronaut- I am flight plan, launch and landing.

Count down.....5, 4, 3, 2, 1

Sonic Inertia (364)

Soundwaves approaching, rapid fire staccato, Jazz, Soul, Blues surrounding the even keeled silence. Keys: black and white edging their way into a vision. Fingers just above, ready to pounce. Shiny brass gleaming in the foreground. Stage small, crowded with musicians. Hum of the crowd tickling the senses. It is a mirage of semblance. A wisp of ethereal ambiance- just before the reality of desks and hallways creeps in.

The mirage lingers. Smokey room, lights dim. It freezes for just an instant- teasing. Then the din of soft, eager voices, relax and the rat tat tat of the snare, taps to life. The jarring bell, echoes- replacing the smooth, chaotic notes of the performance. The noise jostles the wisp into a swirl, that slowly dissipates. The room brightens, the smoke clears and fluorescent lights blink on- pupils shrinking to adjust. Menu board becomes black board. The tables transform into desks.

Sonic sound waves of hustle and pivot reach every corner. Stage becomes classroom. The crowd, students. Each opening a case, removing an instrument. Tuning. Settling. Then tap tap....a count down and a semblance slowly arrives- wood, brass, percussion balance as they always have. The Jazz is effortless. Collision of sonic inertia- morning dreary meets anticipation. It is a moment that happens every morning as busses arrive and hallways empty.

The inertia of sleep and breakfast heavy. But familiar routines and faces clear the smoky haze of transition. Microphones scattered, instruments singing the sweet energetic song of learning. Our fingers just above the keys: black and white, edged now into a clear vision. We position them, we press, we add to the beauty of the piece. This sonic inertia, this classroom assemblage of grace and energy. It is inevitable- all we have to do is envision it.

And get out of the way...

Whoa its December 27th? (362)

A Sunday. The last Sunday of 2020. If you read Facebook or Twitter the messages are all about renewal, change, things are going to be different come January 1st. New year and all. People are sharing goals, resolutions and the like. It is a flurry of end of year- bests and worsts. It is a time for reflection- but it seems to be heavily tilted towards the negative.

Yes Covid happened. It literally changed the world. I watch the news and in so many places it is bleak. The blight of a virus erasing many signs of hope. It is such a strange thing to imagine- not being in a classroom, not being able to go to almost any store (mask adorned) and eat in a restaurant (if I wanted). I have somewhat of a normal existence.

I wake up go to work. Albeit a 1/2 virtual and face to face work. But there are students in the halls and in my classroom 1/2 the day. I plan with my team, socially distanced and attend any other meetings on Zoom. The 'something isn't right' moments, are few not frequent throughout the day. As students enter and leave face to face, it seems normal. Then Zoom classes at first seem odd- but quickly the routine sets in- and everything feels like, what many call the 'new normal'.

We have been in this mask covered phenomenon almost 9 months. But in my car- it seems normal, normal traffic. Everyone behaving as they always do: some rude, some kind- everyone in a hurry. When I am home of course things feel the same- because I actually go to a brick and mortar school during the week. Life is moving forward, even in a shadowy time. 

I feel so very lucky every day to have the opportunities I do- to live where I live. To teach where I teach. When so many others are not in the position to be able to do that. I feel eager for things to change, for the vaccine to get distributed and for people to be able to resume their lives. Quarantine is hard, isolation is hard. I have always been with family. 

I have been back in the classroom since August. Things have been somewhat as it has always been since August. And yet, every day when I wake up I speak aloud the mantra- my 2020 mantra "Stay healthy, balanced and grateful. Remember there are always thin, weak spots- steer clear. Put your weight on solid ground and always search the parameter. And always welcome visitors virtual or live- because connection is the life force. Safety first. But build relationships."

January is another month, another year. Big changes are not on the horizon. But hope is. Grace is. Kindness and generosity are. So embrace that. Accept that change will be slow. Be intentional, purposeful and get the momentum going. We are going to need it to get to the other side.

Tis the Day (360)

Christmas day always feels dream-like. Beautiful sparkly snow and ice cycles- no cold just the glorious sparkles all around. Voices and laughter seem louder and more excited than normal. The piles of wrapping paper seem purposeful and thus, there is no urgency to clean up. The tree smells more like pine. The ornaments are more colorful.

It is a magical scene right out of Frozen. Olaf singing a glorious tune. Orchestral music carrying a sense of calm and love through the air. Nothing seems out of place. Everything feels just right. Like nothing can bring you down. That this day, this wondrous, whimsical day trumps all other days. Like the rest of 2020 didn't unfold as it did.

That December the 25th is a day to be treasured, experienced separate from the other 364 days of the year. And as you are fulfilling the days quota of happiness and warm regards- you do not see it as a a mist of wishes and hopes. You only live it as the perfect day. The family filled, everyone is home and together, day.

Then at the end of a dream-like state- the last of the cookies eaten, the room clean, the tree no longer atop a mound of wrapped boxes- you reflect. You lay in bed, watching the sparkling, flickering lights of the tree on the ceiling- and you take it all in. You breathe in the pine and cinnamon aroma of holiday candles. You smile at the moments you can now add to your long-term files. 

And... it all becomes less like a blanket of fresh snow, and more like any other day. A special day. A celebratory day. A family day. But just a day and not a fantasy. This is the moment I take it all in. See the edges. Remember the facial expressions as boxes were opened and stockings dumped out into a pile. And this is the moment I am truly thankful for- because this is the moment magical holiday, snow globe, memories become reality.

I like my reality. It can be bumpy. But I like the daily experiences- spilt milk and lost socks. I love it in fact and this day- this tis the day to be jolly- was jolly. And twas' the day of family and pure joy. Being together made it that way. Tomorrow we will have moments too and the day after that. My heart is full at this moment- before I fall asleep- and for that I am truly thankful.

What We Seek (359)

As humans we seek a lot of things: comfort, joy, love, companionship. We seek out a form of financial security. A place to live. Transportation. We have needs, food, water, shelter. We seek a secure existence, with out pain or fear. Our brains actively seek moments of calm- yet we often get stuck in idle mode, our flight or flight chemicals surging through our veins. Causing anxiety, depression, exhaustion.

This time of year- the holidays, often exasperates the situation. We are seeking a joyful time with family and friends. The trimming parties, the gifts, the celebrations. But these days we are only experiencing them virtually. It is heightening our hypothalmus- setting our emotional autonomic nervous systems a blaze. We are in turmoil in every way imaginable.

Financially we are strapped. Emotionally we are drained. Physically we are worn down. Muscles aching from the weight of the emotional turbulence. If we are isolating alone- absence is heavy. If we are quarantining as a group- we are seeking privacy. It is a no win situation. Then you add the holidays on top of it. These holidays may not be as joyful for some as for others.

We seek moments of joy- and the are there. We just, at least recently have been more focused on negative things- a tumultuous election, delays in stimulus checks, contagion and shut downs. New strains. Misinformation, miscommunication and simple thievery. Thievery of our security. Thievery of our well-being. Thievery of our freedom. But at times of war- we must remember that freedom might be lost temporarily. These days we are at war, battle with information and distrust and of course we are fighting a heavy tolled war against a virus.

When we are seeking things we can not control- we often forget we have many things we can control. Our attitude, positivity, optimism and daily intentions. Our values, our goals, our determination and our resilience. When we are walking through our days, we must remember to ask ourselves "What an I control in this situation?" We need to remember that there is a lot we can in fact control.

This is our history unfolding. Our circumstances shaping our situation. We must continue to seek- solace, sanctuary and solid footing. We must continue to seek answers, truth and justice. We must remember every one of us is human and deserving of financial stability and the ability to take care of ourselves. We seek family during these times- not only because of the holiday but because that is what allows us to achieve what we seek.

Family is the tie, the tether, the cord that allows us to stretch ourselves and then return to the center. Family is the eventuality of contentment and security. Whether your family is build on genetics or friendship- it is family. The bond stronger than most. So listen and seek the moments that remind you of the positivity in the world- not the negative. 

Seek the joy. Seek the wonder. Seek the opportunities around you for they are the answers to what you need. They are the hug, smile and honesty we all seek these days. Be the one- others need and others will be yours as well. This is a season to be jolly as the old adage says- but it is also a season of reflection and change- just ask Ebenezer Scrooge. 

So find the reason to better yourself now- it is not a single day, a season or a year- it is a daily momentum that we seek- can you hear the drum beat- the cadence, the rhythm?