My name Melissa lends itself to many nicknames: Missy, Mel, even Liz to name a few. When I was in grade school, we moved around a lot. I never quite fit in. Stayed long enough to not get teased anymore- then we'd move. I was not a social butterfly- more of a wallflower. I have Dyslexia and I struggle with eye contact and conversation. In other words, I stayed to myself and in the 1970's and 1980's you were forced into a clique. If you didn't find one- you were left stranded and defenseless.
For some reason I chose Liz as my nick name. It was original in my classroom, as there was already another Melissa. She proudly held the title of Melissa. So Liz it was. I wrote it on my papers, I corrected my teacher when she called me anything else. I was insistent. But, in Catholic Schools in the 1970's and 1980's- they were anything but lenient and open-minded. So I got reprimanded a lot. Just for being me.
I was quirky. I saw the world differently. I never tried to blend in or conform- step into the shadows yes, but never hold to, keep up or be in accordance with anyone else. I guess looking back, that could have been why I never fit into a clique in my elementary K-8 years. I just wanted to be myself and myself was bothersome and ornery.
When I was released from my parochial prison, and made it to a public high school, things changed dramatically. There were other quirky people who thought like me, dressed like me, had weird hobbies and passions- just like me. We gravitated towards one another. The clique organically formed a union of similarities and acceptances. It is a time when I finally accepted who I was and learned to appreciate my peculiarities.
I should have been able to be me. Flamboyant or muddled. Unconventional and eccentric. Now I was never outwardly loud or the center of attention but in my mind I was a wild female stallion amongst tamed horses. I felt caged in a stall. Forced to watch the other less adversarial counterparts. I did not misbehave, I just insisted in not conforming- but I guess to my teachers that was misbehaving. So none of them liked me. Flashback- mean words, eye rolling, ignoring me- these were my punishments.
So, early on I knew I wanted to be a teacher. An educator in middle grades- those 3 years where one feels abandoned, awkward and admonished. I knew when I was 11- I needed to create a place for as many students as possible to let their creative, beautiful, unique flag fly. I needed to make sure they had a voice- that I let them speak their piece, even if I did not like their opinion. Honesty is always the best policy, even if it stings a bit. For we get better as educators when we illicit feedback.
The thing is, in middle school sometimes they aren't quite sure how to be themselves. They feel hormonal and strange. They are experiencing new feelings and new situations. No longer under the wing of the same teacher all day- like a cocoon. They feel thrown to the wolves- not in a pack but being tracked so to speak. So it is our job as middle school teachers to help them find their den. Help them be alright with the strangeness of it all.
I share a lot of stories about my youth and how I found my clique. That sometimes we have to feel on the outside of the bubble to find the wand and mixture to create new ones. Not all bubbles last, not all bubbles make it to flight- some pop on impact. But, as all children know- we keep blowing bubbles until the sky is full and glistening- iridescent and filmy. Some disappear into the sunlight- others leave a residue in our wake. Bubbles are unpredictable yet predictable. I tell my students "You have the wand and soapy suds- keep making bubbles."
There are many strategies you can read about- SEL, mindfulness, Character Building to name a few. But, honestly, the pure, unadulterated way to bring students out of their shell and interacting with their peers is to let them. Let them have conversations and play a bit. Give them opportunities to be themselves- be quirky, ask silly questions, make students laugh- be different. Because when we are allowed to be ourselves we start to believe in ourselves. We start to see how our differences make us individuals who can fit in when we want and stand alone when we want.
Nicknames, strange utterances, cosplay even- this is how we find ourselves. As far as activities and classroom lessons- choice and freedom of assignments offers those who are artistic or love to read, play an instrument, athletic, engineers and everything in between- find an outlet. Offer clubs. In the past I have had Comic Book Club, Pokemon Club, Lego Club, Mario Smash Bros. Club- Poetry Club- the list goes on. It brought together a group who needed to find one another. It was amazing weekly to just watch them shine.
I know every teacher out there wants to help their students thrive. Sometimes we forget to pause and let them be kids- at least in middle school. We have such a pace we keep we forget to slow down sometimes and just let them be kids. Childhood is topsy turvy, bumpy, and tumultuous- remember yours? Maybe yours was not strife like mine- but I am sure you noticed those students who did struggle. Remember as Ferris Bueller famously said "If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
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