A Teachers Conundrum: Things You Control, Things You Don't (30)

If you walk the Earth, alive and thriving, trying to control everything: interactions, expectations, and opinions- you are going to be very unhappy indeed. You can't control what others think of you. You can't control what other people say, or do, or think. We can't control the chaos and randomness of life. We can't make people think a certain way- convince them of something. On the surface they may follow our lead- but in their minds, what they truly believe, we can't mess with that. Deep down we are who we are, we control our thoughts and beliefs. Although people try to take that away from us.

Control is placing restrictions, claiming jurisdiction, regimentation and domination. It is taking away freedom, latitude and leeway. It feels powerful and mighty and influential- yet, really it is in our minds. Influence is fleeting. Effectiveness wanes, capacity weakens. Because control holds something back and eventually through transfer of energy, counterbalance and agitation- equilibrium is short lived. Words travel fast, imperfection is noticed and people make decisions based on the latest fad. Trends are flexible and fluid. So is control, in most situations.

Domineering someone might last awhile in some cases, but eventually most lose their stronghold eventually. We know sometimes this however, might be a situation unhealthy and dangerous- but in our classrooms, control is not fixed. As much as we want to think it is- it isn't.

Classrooms have been designed over the centuries to place control in the hands of the teacher and to take it away from students. Classrooms were shaped into well-disciplined, structured environments where learning was the focus. Then slowly they have transformed into collaborative atmospheres, although not all classrooms. Some remain very much a sage on the stage. Some remain a "I am in control" situation, that of the teacher. It might be a security blanket, or a protective barrier, but either way this illusion of control is still a desirable state of mind for many educators.

The thing is- we control ourselves. So, then all 32 + students in your classrooms, control themselves. We try to shape them and teach them how to better control their behavior- but that is ultimately a choice- not something we can control. Our students are individual, self-perpetuating, self-centered personalities- all we can do is try to grab their attention, engage them for 30-40 minutes and build relationships based on trust and respect. All the while teaching content, social skills, mindfulness and 21st Century Skills. Right? How can we possibly control anything more than our own actions?

Yet, many try. The "I control my classroom" is a goal many strive for. When really it should be "I have created an environment where things function in order to learn." Then you can accept the inevitable- things will go wrong. Students will act out, be loud, goof off, rough house and even- this is a tough one, not pay attention to directions. If you believe you have everything, every minute detail under control- you are simply deluding yourself. You don't.

But, if we accept the things we control- ourselves and our personality, attitude, response. If we believe in our students, to do the right thing and we accept that they can be guided to do the right thing- our classrooms will be much happier places. Choose to believe. This is the only thing you control. Homework might not get turned in, tests might be failed, behavior might alternate between compliant, engaged and down right annoying- BUT, all of it, every last expectation, interaction, and opinion all merge into your classroom energy. If you accept and generate mindful energy, patience, and understanding- your classroom energy will be positive.

The moment you break down- yell, say something disrespectful- treat a student unfairly, you have lost any control you thought you had. You lost their respect and trust. We can control our words, our facial expressions, our body language, our demeanor, our positivity, our genuine love to be where we are. I have heard teachers say "I hate this class." or "These kids are just awful and I can't wait to be rid of them." You know what- even if they don't hear you say this- they feel it. It you truly hate your students- maybe it is time to find a new profession. This is under your control.

Trust the process- believe in the community and above all else, accept what you can control and what you can't. That is never going to change. The only thing you can change is you, your expectations, interactions and opinions.

A New Phone Number - Feels Like A Loss Somehow (28)

This week I changed phone companies. I had just paid off our families phones when our provider changed their policy and rather than us owning our phones after a costly payoff, we now had to lease them. I was furious. Thus, I switched providers. I have had my phone number for 15 years. It was an Atlanta phone number, I just never bothered to change it when I moved to Texas. It felt comfortable. This number became a part of my identity.

But, since I switched providers, I felt an urge to get a new phone number as well. It was far easier to make a clean break. So my whole family switched over from Georgia to Texas area codes. It feels like a loss, like a piece of me is gone. BUT, it also feels exhilarating because no one knows my new number yet. I feel free, at least for today- as I am beginning to send my number to my friends and family, etc.

Getting a new phone, a brand new iPhone is nice. Taking it out of the box, peeling the plastic from the screen, hearing that Apple tone as it turns on. Its cool. I have always had an iphone: started with a 4 then 5 then 7 and now an 11. I am a die hard Apple fan so there will never be a change there. The rest of my family, other than my middle child, are droid fans. Samsung to be specific. They love their phones as much as we love our Apples. Funny how divided we are on a simple piece of technology.

Otter Case on and all my apps transferred- it feels more personal now. It's my phone. My iPhone. I feel a little bit better now. Our phones have become an extension of ourselves. We freak out if we misplace it, we keep it near to us throughout the day- its another appendage. It entertains, connects and organizes. Its a calendar, wallet and map. Its everything we need, technologically speaking. If it just had a Swiss Army Knife, we would be set.

It is going to take me a day or so to remember all of our new phones numbers- but hey, I don't have to, they are in my phone. Our lives are in our phones. Photos, notes, music. Literally our heart and soul. Because, our phones are personal, intimate friends and if we break them or lose them we shut down, we are heart broken and lost. We are a digital society and a connected humanity- iphones launched the Arab Spring, they record the news, they catalogue our life experiences and as much as I am a digits over digital person- I love my phone. My shiny brand new iPhone 11, just like everyone else loves theirs.

Be What You Can Imagine: Incremental Headway - Part Two (26)

Perception rolls are helpful, especially when we roll high. All it takes is a belief in the dice. You have to choose to roll them and then own the outcome. The more you roll, the better the odds of a new adventure. You have to connect with the energy of the ether, connect your spirit with the synergy of everything because every atom, every molecule, every cell is connected and in constant communication- exchanging electrons, transferring glucose and hormones, and combining elements to form new fragments and particles.

We are in continual chaos, homeostasis, chaos- even down to the most finite, minuscule, instantaneous. We are forever changing- our minds, our focus, our opinion, our purpose. We are adapting, altering, re-imagining. This is science, magic, past, present, future. This is unity, complexity and growth. We are duplicating cells and losing them just as quickly. We are in constant exchange of energy. This is the beauty of everything- that everything is connected.

Within this flow of energy, this faithful ether, there is a lot of noise- change is tumultuous and chaos is noisy. But within the disarray- there is entropy. Within the pandemonium, there is calm. Within the cacophony there is music. Within the flow of instruments there is a note that captures our attention. It bypasses the discord to form the most beautiful key- it singles itself out because it has perfect pitch. It attracts us, focuses us- and all other sound, mutes.

We are embodied by this, entangled in its charm. One note, one chord, one thought- honed. Maybe this becomes words, maybe it becomes images- maybe both. Until it becomes magic, imagination, curiosity and finally an idea. This then leads us to action. This is when we vibrate on the same frequency as the ether, the energy. Waves, ripples, rustling, converging into a movement, a momentum- both personal and connected. A bridge between the unknown and the known.

The more we listen- the more the ether presents itself to us. The more we believe- the more it believes in us. The more we act upon its advice, the more it offers us. The more we enter its expanse, the more surface area it provides us. So we can build a diving board, erect a tower of observation, construct a vehicle in which we can submerge, traverse or take flight deeper into its borders. This relationship is reliant on faith.

It is strengthened by a purposeful and eager mind. It is maintained through vigilance and intentional listening. It requires us to be in the moment. Because the ether changes constantly- it is the energy and spirit of life and if we don't pay attention to its call, we will miss the opportunities it finds for us. It might not give us what we want, but it will give us what we need and it will give us the energy to investigate and grow within the expanse of our imaginations.

Incremental headway- pushing against the limits of our own construct. Yet even when we lose sight, we gain another. We always seem to find the pulse of creativity. It might be brief- let us create a memorable meal. It might be extended- we design a lesson or complete a project. It might be prolonged- inspiring us to write a book or create a beautiful painting.

We always find the resonance needed to step away from the mundane into the fluctuations of imagination. Its what makes us human. Be what you can imagine- enter the ether with full willingness and admiration and it will never let you down.

Write to Write- A Formidable Release (24)

Does something awesomely written, keep its luminosity, even when no one reads it? Do words become less impressive when they are typed on a page and no one visits? Why do writers need someone to read their words- validation yes, recognition yes, but I think it comes down to getting the particular order of prose, the semblance of meaning and structure, transferred to someone else. For someone else to read it means its out there. Famous writers get all of this. They feel their words being transferred.

Some writers never have their words perused, by choice. While some desperately want a large audience, but have to be content with a few readers. It takes a lot to put yourself out there. To really care about every word order you choose, every sentence you put together like its a brush stroke on a beautiful landscape. It takes courage to say what you feel and stick to a voice. Knowing your voice is not for everyone. It is a brave act to write for others, even though maybe, no one will ever take the time to read it.

It is a formidable release, to let the writing just be for you and you alone. To not share it out to the world. To take your thoughts from journal to blog and just let them be. The temptation to 'advertise' is strong. It just may never leave you. For once someone acknowledges you- you are hooked. Once you get a positive comment- you are changed some how. You get a rush of adrenaline- a surge of creativity hoping for another fix of confidence. Endless loop- so break it.

You are writing for you. Always writing for you. If someone reads your words and appreciates them- it is a bonus. But once you try to write for someone else- the words get angry, they retreat. Then you have to lure them back in with promise of brilliance. So just write for you- you have a lot to say. The words, they like you, they take care of you. They always have. Either pen or type they have always sought you out. Don't let them down now.

Shh... here they come. Just hit publish and be done with it. Write every day- never ahead. It is critical for this #EduBlogYear to be successful for you- and you alone- that you write daily. Publish with the group and let it be. Simply, let it be enough to just write.

A Little of This and A Little of That (22)

Today was a little of this and a little of that. As a class we did a little mindfulness lesson- How can puppet shows be used to spread mindfulness. I had them write a 30 second puppet show script about mindfulness. It was a fun way to kick off the day. Mini-advertisements before the main attraction.

We made some observations of our hydroponics tower- lettuce is growing.

Then students performed their puppet shows. We have the other half tomorrow. It was amazing to see their creativity after just 3 class periods to write a script, design a Playbill, a background and puppets. Each puppets role was to explain their types of behavioral, physiological and structural adaptations in a fun way.

Some were silly, some were very research based- but they were all informative and entertaining. I am so proud of them. My ESL students who are shy in class, belted out dialogue behind the curtain. It was very cool to see their personalities come to life.

It is a great project for sure.

"Let Me Google That" (20)

I absolutely loved browsing through encyclopedias and dictionaries when I was a kid. Sometimes I just wanted to know something cool that started with S or Y or D. It was an adventure. The crack of the binding when you first opened it, the smell of the ink, the crispness of the pages with maps and pictures versus the softer paper of the descriptions and explanations. I had a set of both Britannica and World Book. I would go to the Britannica for more detailed descriptions and to World Book for more concise explanations and more full page, color illustrations. I absolutely loved them.

Browsing is a difficult task nowadays - it is as simple as " just google it." Type in a word and voila' there it is options, so many options. But if you type give me a list of things beginning with S. Its a bit more challenging. What things? Animal, Vegetable or Mineral? Books, Records or Movies? You have to be specific enough to get what you want exactly and thus the browsing component has been hijacked. I miss browsing encyclopedias. We can browse for clothes and anything we can imagine on EBay or Amazon but again you can't browse for everything that starts with S.

Its a different world now. You need to know what you're looking for before you can browse. That adventure of not knowing something and opening a heavy, hard back behemoth of a text is long gone and I can say...

I miss it.

I am definitely old school. Digits over digital, ink versus code. I am a hard copy, book person. Pen to paper person. I ran across a set of encyclopedias the other day and it dawned on me- we had 26 volumes of pure joy as children- we had to ability to page by page peruse and acquire new thoughts and ideas. We had to spend time absorbing and assimilating. We had to spend time thinking about what we might what to know next. We had to look it up, know how to spell it and then read. The beauty was it would suggest - go to this page for more information- and you could get caught up in a loop of learning for days.

Now... its a simple "Siri, Who was the father of Genetics?" or A quick type into Google, What is Heredity? But if it were the encyclopedia era, we could have discovered both of these through investigation and the frenzy of curiosity. My children will never know the Dewey Decimal System. They will never know cassette tapes and answering machines. Antiquated as those are, they remind me of my youth and a time when nothing was handed to us in split second gigabytes- instead we gathered by flipping pages and compiling many resources.

We didn't have spell check- we had to learn how to spell. We didn't have grammar check- we had to learn how to form a complete sentence, in various ways. Google has made life easier, maybe. But, in my mind, it has dismantled the beauty of investigation. It eliminates getting lost as we find our way to the library. It has taken away the burden of many things but to me it has also taken away our much needed skill of patience, pause, reason, proceed. Google will do this for us. But next time you hear anyone say "Let me Google that," get them to be patient, pause, reason and find an encyclopedia this just may get them to think about things in a different way.

Drinking it in- Classroom Synergy (18)

Before the Morning Bell

Synergy, the room is darkened except the fluorescence of emergency lights above. It's calmer, gentler. Desks are a reminder that this space, although personal, is as much theirs as it is mine. Stacked chairs carry with them an echo of the previous day. They hold a story ready to be written. An unfolding of events, both curious and driven. Thee who sits upon these seats of learning will awaken to a world of science. If I lure them in.

The atmosphere of mindfulness swirls, breathes like an invisible being- taking in the synergy. Shaping it. It may be dormant now but soon it will awaken to the call of laughter, inquiry and collaboration. It unites with spontaneity and creativity. It listens for independence of voice, choice of behavior and self-awareness, personal discipline. It is colorful, engaging, this spirit embodies the learning environment. Not perfect, not trying to be. Simply an existence of personalities, perspectives and persona's. Each with their beautiful kite wavering in the breeze behind them- anchored and protective they inspire and bring comfort.

The Bell Assembles

I believe in these 13 year old humans. I see their potential. I expect their brains to make decisions I wouldn't- but probably did when I was 13. There is more to all of us than our mistakes. We don't hesitate to work past them. We need to let our students do so as well, without judgement. We need to listen for the synergy- it picks up on the clues and cues we miss. It directs the flow of energy. If we listen, it will be our voice of reason. Guiding all the kites in unison on the gust of imagination.

I am on the verge of synergy. Finding the more, the different, the challenging, the rewarding. It's swirling, shuffling- arms outstretched, whispering. I have to turn my head, look past my demon- lock eyes with it and let it lead me to an idea. These demons are in abundance within this room, each student carrying their own. While our ideas and imagination float above us, kites glistening in the sunlight. Our demons are the sand we sink into as we walk the shore.

We accept the sand in our shoes most days, make deals with each and every grain. We often knock our shoes on the ground to force them off our heal, but we accept their presence. The synergy helps us tame them. As I watch my students giggle, design and create puppets, I see the sand becoming less heavy. They are on the verge of synergy- I can see them fall into the groove of imagination, they are collaborating. This is a beautiful sight.

The Community Soars

They are leaning in, welcoming it. Sometimes they have to let go of the kite string. They love the kite, its been tied to their wrist for so long. They have struggled to keep it assail. They have created uplift on their own, to keep it soaring, but its time- time to let it drift to its next owner. This way their hands are free to grasp onto the upcoming deluge of inspiration. They are releasing the kites of hindrance and they are watching them float away with the breeze.

There is a moment of loss but then with the increasing bombardment of conversation, hot gluing and googly eyes- from the empty comes the full. Puppets, extensions of themselves- excited to find a voice and be a character in a puppet show.

Puppet Show Palooza: Rethinking the Adaptations Project (16)

Creativity Meets Purpose

Every year in 7th grade and in many other science classes across the country, students either create a critter, design a diorama of an ecosystem or some other visual project on an animal and its behavioral, physical and physiological adaptations. It is a very visual project: a colorful habitat, food webs and lots of animals. The purpose of the project is to create a 3-D representation of an ecosystem with all of its components. After students create these shoe box creations, they present them in some way. Often with a slide show full of information.

Animal adaptation projects are usually a favorite project of the year, because it really lets students have some fun. Its hands-on, artsy and extremely relatable- students love learning about animals at any age. In the past my students created dioramas, in teams, added their animal and then they filmed a stop-motion video of the animal behaving in a certain way (one of its adaptations). This was fun, but this year I decided to do something new and different. A puppet show.

Why a Puppet Show?

Creating puppets requires making mistakes. It requires an investment- as we put on eyes and create a face- it becomes very personal. The puppet becomes an expression of us. Students learn quickly that what they see in their mind is not the same as what they can make in their hands. This inspires problem-solving in an artistic, unique way. Puppets, will have their voice and thus, they will be a representation of them.

Why a Script?

When students write plays they have a few things that shape their words: how they will look on stage, how will they sound on stage and how others will respond to their words and actions on stage. Writing for a puppet show removes a lot of this risk and self-doubt thus allowing them to be a little silly, maybe use an accent or crazy voice. Plus, the plots can be more adventurous since they do not have to act them out personally.

Not only does creating a puppet show help them learn the content but it also helps with writing skills and dialogue formatting. But above all else it helps reinforce social skills: collaboration, communication, critical thinking, and creativity.

Play Bill and Puppetry

My students for their projects were given the choice of any animal on the planet. They chose a specific species. Then they researched adaptations, habitats, position in the food web, and other cool facts about their animals. Then they were assigned a group based on the animal’s habitat. Each student is required to create a puppet: shadow, finger, hand, sock etc. of their animal.

As a group they will create a Play Bill (brochure) of their puppet show: characters, plot, setting etc. Then they will write a script: all science based using the research they gathered on their animals. The only ‘bending’ of the truth is that their animals will talk, all else needs to be accurate. Finally, next week they will present their puppet shows to the class and some 6^th graders who are going to stop by to watch. Every puppet show needs a good audience.

More to come….

Self-Care, A Nudge to Recuperation (14)

There was a chirp, almost a squeak- irritating, yet comfortable. It meant I was not alone. Every time I felt it had stopped, I had a twinge of loneliness- then the chirp rang out, teasing me. Our relationship started rocky, it alternated between appreciation, hate and annoyance. Yet my disdain for it- the break in the silence, the reminder to self-protect, home protect, family protect- became a need to not replace the battery. The battery would mean silence. The battery would mean loneliness. The battery would mean alteration. It would mean self-awareness and self-care.

No matter how much I love my classroom, I need to step away now and again. If not physically- I am generally lucky in the stay healthy and fit department. Then mentally- so I can see the four corners, hear the giggles and engagement- above all else anticipate the needs of the students within. I need to take care of me. If I am running on empty- I do not have the energy to give what is needed of me throughout the day. I sometimes forget this, until the necessity overwhelms, and I am nudged into a resting period. Yesterday, I was nudged.

I laid in bed this morning, fever, hoarse voice- after a very long night of coughing. Hot tea and soup awaiting my attention. I felt guilty somehow that I was not at work. But I had to let it go. I left detailed plans. I prepared my students for my absence. All was good. Sometimes I forget to take time for myself- burning the candle at both ends. When I forget to take time for myself- the time, like sand in an hourglass, piles- waiting to get turned on its head. When it does, it can bring abrasion, a wearing down that only leaves room for recuperation. Thus, I will be off two days with a high fever, laryngitis and a bad cough.

Children at school, family out and about and no sound in the house but the echo of the chirp. I awakened to it after a forced afternoon nap. It forged a new relationship, chirp, chirp- change my battery as you are charging yours. With Quiz Bowl, the Steam Center and a full-time classroom adventure- no wonder you are worn down. Stay in bed, Chai in hand and just rest. Watch corny television and just escape into a world, not education. Just recuperate, sleep- because come Thursday- there is a lot to do. The week is full and your tank needs to be too.

Writing: Trust it and it Will Give You What you Need (12)

Pen to Paper

Pen to paper is how it started. I was ten, I think, I could have been younger, but my love of writing started early. I wrote poetry, kept a diary, even wrote short news reports about what happened every day. By-lines and all. MAJ Global Times and then my written word would become live action commentary. I would report the news, like an anchor women, to my dolls and stuffed animals. A microphone courtesy of one giant Tinker Toy and a wadded up ball of construction paper. WMAJ a station out of wherever I was living at the time: Los Angeles, Honolulu, Salt Lake City, Denver to name just a few.

Once I moved back to California, my home state, I felt like it was a clean slate, an opportunity for me to meet some friends, become more of a correspondent. New uniform, new location- I was hoping I would maybe not be popular, but at least not the bottom of the food chain. Even a simple weekend weather girl would be nice. Get noticed but also have plenty of time to stay under the radar per se. But alas, same old situation- Them: Mean Girls, Me: Brunt of their meanness. So my writing became more prevalent and my isolation, welcomed. So out of that situation came a blessing- I learned to express myself in my writing. It became my lifeline.

I was a writer, thank you universe. I have a shipping trunk full of journals, diaries and letters to myself from my childhood. Some of them date back to 1981. A treasure trove of my troubles and turmoils of youth. They are a true gift. They remind me, nothing is permanent. We all become adults and we can chose to carry those with us as growth experiences or heavy baggage. I use them as the seeds for my writing. In some way or another, they pop up in my blogs, stories and my current endeavor of novel writing. They linger but they do not blind.

It took awhile for my voice to emerge, developed and honed, but when it did- my journals became more poetic, my commentary more visual, my tone purposeful and meaningful. Then the three merged. My voice was defiant, it spoke the truth- but it preferred to stay private, locked away in a steamer trunk. Until one day as an adult I discovered blogging. I figured out WMAJ and MAJ Global News were still active and on the scene. They finally had a medium, a platform. Thus my two blogs came to fruition.

Cue newsroom music....we have all heard a version of this tune...you can hear it right now, I know you can.

Fingers to Keys

There was a brown out in my mind for a few weeks at the end of 2019. My creativity was blocked, my words sank, they just couldn't swim to the surface. I chose to catch an inner tube and float down stream- to let the words gain momentum on their own, knowing eventually they would make it to the mouth of the river too. I just had to pitch a tent and hang out for a bit. Then slowly, I saw them, floating down stream and to shore, piling up on the riverbank like beautiful, iridescent minerals, waiting to be gathered and polished.

We all started writing for our unique reasons. For me, it was an escape. I had to write, it was my salvation, liberation, preservation. As a young adult it was my only voice and I kept it hidden. As an adult words have become my security blanket- they whisper in my ear, they come so naturally to me when I write. They somehow always seem to find me. For some of us, we need to float down stream frequently, let the current carry us and that is how our imaginations get illuminated. Others, words follow us around, like sparkles, flickering constantly. For me, and so many of you out there, it is a middle road we journey on and words, they may flicker in the evening sky and we may lose them in the brightness of the sun. But, eventually they find us and us them.

Writing should never be forced. When we gather up the words and conscript them to our will- they often fight back and our prose falls flat. Then we get in a rut. We begin to find writing a chore rather than a wondrous, whimsical journey.

For me it begins with- a deep breath, closing my eyes, seeing the opening sentence. Feeling the words unscramble into a single pin point, one idea. The magic of writing, is that the process is unique for everyone. Whatever your purpose, simply, allow it to be itself. Relax and climb into that inner tube once in awhile. Then it will always be there for you. Respect, admire and eagerly await its presence- for when you do, it will always give you what you need.

Read Me the News, Tell Me the Story, Show Me the Footage (10)

Reading across the curriculum is so important. In science reading peer reviewed articles, science magazines and historical documents is so important to spark curiosity and push past bias. Providing them with many different sources: websites, videos, field trips and interactive media, creates a wondrous adventure. Science is continuously updating and progressing daily and it is so important to stir the imagination and let students investigate. Read me the news.

There is a story behind the science discoveries. The people. The trials and errors. The landmark decisions, the breakthroughs, the collaboration. Science is people, collaborating, sharing, experimenting, solving, creating, designing: STEAM. It is stepping beyond the expected, moving forward, around, through, above and below the impossible. Science is answers and more questions. If students don't get to submerge themselves in the exploration of science, they will never see the world for what it is: one giant science experiment. Tell me the story.

The footage is expansive, atomic, microscopic, large scale and just right. It is dark skies and tidal currents. Gravity, velocity and speed. It is blooming, decomposing and metabolism. Life, change, succession, deposition. It is what we see and what we do not. It is unimaginable until someone makes it imaginable. It cures, destroys and dissolves. Simply, it is connection, exclusion and blending. It is the essence of everything.

Students can find science tedious if it is kept in a large package, never exposing the beauty of its finite qualities. Once hooked, students open their eyes wide and really open themselves up to the recognition that they are connected to science, it is in them. Around them and about them. It is adaptable, malleable and yet certain, all at the same time. Science is forgiving and demanding. It is a challenge forever intertwined, with the understanding, that we must bend to its will as much as it does to ours.

This is learning. This is experience. Science is just a part of the learning process. It is a beautiful thing - the synergy of life, science and learning.

Argue for Your Limitations and You Get to Keep Them (8)

Struggle is good. When students feel comfortable and unchallenged, they often become complacent and lazy. As adults, we do too. But, if we force them, or ourselves into a situation we are not ready for, without the tools to compensate for any misconceptions, without a sense of security, that failure is expected, welcomed, you can shut them down, we shut down. Once we shut down, we get distracted and discouraged. Once you lose a student to frustration, it is very hard to get them to engage again in the class discussion or activity.

Frustration is good if there is a purpose to it. If we lead them to struggle, let them find their solution, their own way- we provide them with the biggest tool of all-self-awareness and self-endurance. As educators we need to make sure struggle is meaningful and purposeful, and they know they are safe to make mistakes, if we do, students will overcome their fear and take the risk.

Many students feel discouraged, fearful, anxious to try new things. As educators we look for ways to push them past these hurdles. We create barriers, yet they magnify the road blocks, they make them seem larger than they are. We have to understand their hesitation and teach them strategies to look these fears in the eyes and say I got this.

To help my students accept fear and use it to look for ways to strengthen their resolve, I have them write notes to their fear at the beginning of the year. Then I have them write another at the beginning of semester two. At the end of the year we pull them out and read them. They usually feel a sense of accomplishment because they overcame most of their fears. I write one too- then we add them to the memory box in our class room.

"Dear Fear, hello, I welcome your advice but ultimately, I will make my own decisions. I believe in myself and therefore I trust my instincts. You are not an instinct, but a limitation. Therefore, I will not argue for you, but against you. I accept you as a guide, but not a guide post. A way to warn me, lead me away from danger- but also to lure me to the unknown, so I can grow."

These struggles, these limitations, are just that, limits and limits are meant to be broken. They are meant to be pushed aside, long enough to keep moving forward. If we argue hard enough and long enough in support of these limitations, we get to keep them. Period.

We will internalize them, feed them, nurture them. We will give them a name, a power, a sense of self, all to themselves. Then these limitations will take up residence, close the gates and make themselves at home and when this happens it becomes nearly impossible to evict them.

Today we wrote our Dear Fear notes and read over our letters from the beginning of the year. Students got a kick out of the letters they wrote so many months ago. Some students still had the same fears and wrote letters to those same fears. But most had overcome those original fears and asked if they could write a letter to Hope instead. I thought this was very cool.

So I thought I would write one too and add it to the box.

Dear Hope, thank you for following along side me most days. You really help me stay mindful and positive. You help me see the good in people and let things go, you are a reminder to stay focused on the prize, not on the struggle. You help me to accept my limitations, but more importantly my creativity, curiosity and faith. You guide me to a path of happiness and for this I am truly thankful.

Argue for your limitations and you get to keep them. Argue for hope and you get to keep that too.

Well Done is Better Than Well Said (5)

"Well done is better than well said" - Benjamin Franklin

The Knit and Stitch

Knitting, merging yarn, otherwise single. It is relaxing and slowly over time it becomes second nature, we can have conversations, watch television, for some people even read a book and still knit. Yet, blankets, socks and scarves are not the only thing we knit.

We often knit together our fear, doubt, anxiety with our eagerness, motivation and inspiration. Creating the most elaborate scarf- helpful in those cold months. Then we unravel it into a comfy blanket the warmer seasons. 

This yarn is flexible, reusable, and sturdy. These drives within us belong together- we need the primal fear and doubt, they warn us. Bring apprehension so hopefully we think things through before we act. The anxiety, well it is a byproduct of the constant fight for balance between confidence and hesitation.

My instinct when I see a ball of yarn- is to roll it across the floor, unravel it. A kitten has nothing on me. They just act with instinct. I stop myself because the thought of having to roll the yarn back into a neat package, feels tedious, it stops me. 

It's that stitching between thought and action that allow us to function. The knit is the comfort, the ease and flow of our thought process. The stitch is the uncomfortable realization, you have to think before you act. Sometimes, we don't listen to the stitch. Then the knit unravels.

It's All Done and Said

New Year, so many resolutions, goals, write this, read that. The barrage of ideas is like an avalanche. I feel buried, cold, locked in. I start digging, digging, digging only to find the skiers and boarders have passed. I am relieved.

Done- I chose two things. More would rumble the snow, threaten another avalanche.

Said-There is such greatness out there. So many strategies, opinions, blogs, podcasts, stories, chats, book clubs, and simple Tweets. I am blessed to have access to so many outstanding educators.

Done- Read, absorb. Act in moderation.

Said- Busy is a state of mind. We are all busy. We find time to do the things we love. If you do not love it, set it free. If it brings anxiety, set it free.

Done- Growth on my own terms. Every moment I am in control, I choose to participate or not participate, I am growing. 

Said- We must....We have to as educators... We are not doing all we can do if we are not....Join this...Be this...

Done-Being me. An educator. A writer. An inspector and gatherer of great ideas. A user of the purposeful. A doer with simplification and commitment.

"Well done is better than well said" - Benjamin Franklin

I Can’t Seem to Learn the Rules (3)

I Can’t Seem to Learn the Rules

Most of the time, I feel like the disruptive student, the one who ruffles feathers, spawns eye rolls. I was this student for most of my life. Not because I acted out, but because I struggled to learn. I grew up with Dyslexia. But I also grew up being bullied not just by other students but by teachers. It was a different time back then. When I became a teacher- I knew I could make a positive impact on my students. What I didn’t know is that like all cultures, communities- there are mean people. 

As a teacher we are not immune to this.

I been a teacher for 18 years. I have worked at three different schools, one Title IV, struggling, 90% free reduced lunch, the atmosphere was heavy. Teachers were exhausted, students felt the slow decaying culture and fed upon it. It was full of amazing students, some unhappy, some acting out, some fighting to fit in, some motivated, engaged, all in need of love and respect, yet often not getting it.

Bitter truth, it took me awhile to adjust to the heaviness, it was my first teaching position and I was trying to figure out myself and my students, my role and their role, all the while being isolated. But I did find my groove and I think I made a difference. Many of my students from these years have found me on Facebook and we still keep in touch. 

When I look back, I feel a deep respect of teachers who continue in struggling schools- they are heroes. Every child needs a caregiver, educator, mentor that can uplift them and lead them to find the self-respect and self-confidence we all deserve in life. But it takes time and their time is invested in doing this and I am in awe of them.

My second school was an affluent one, students were amazing, but the staff was toxic. Very clique based and the gossip mill was ramped. I stayed many years, again isolated. Bitter truth, I can’t seem to learn the rules. Not the professional ones. Those I have down pat. I am a rule follower, for the most part. But, the non-spoken rules.

The social norms of a school often not shared with newbies, until they have been ostracized. Thus, I bonded greatly with my students, most in fact on Facebook again and I love learning about their adult lives unfolding. But a slow burn started early, a small flame- burning me, leaving marks. I tried to ignore it, they got more persistent, added accelerant, it became a blaze. Yet, I remained another year, hoping to find my niche. But my niche singed and burnt, never spawned new life, no succession, only stagnation. Thus, a cross-country move.

My third school, again affluent has a positive school culture, for the most part. Every culture has a negative faction. But many, can forge ahead with the positivity of the masses. My school has this, a core of dedicated, mindful, engaged educators who every day enter the doors with a loud vocal yawp of optimism, a unified spirit, that today is the day, I make a difference.

Smiles and laughter swirl down the colorful halls, students are energetic, there is a contagious enthusiasm. This is not to say that every day, everyone is happy or excited. Quite the contrary. It is a place of highs and lows, advancements and setbacks- but ultimately it is a community of collaboration, so the highs and advancements outweigh the lows and setbacks. This is all we can hope for. An awareness, a sense of community, a continual mindset for growth.

The Words of a Few, The Impact of Actions

I have spoken to many of my former students and current ones and just asked them four questions. All within a school day, in your school, classroom, on the bus.

1-      What do you see?

2-      What do you hear?

3-      Where have you gone?

4-      How do you feel?

I took all of their responses, often overlapping and compiled a story based on their point of view, their mindset, their hidden feelings. Most of these words are theirs, just reorganized, with a little of me thrown in, so we can truly see what they: hear, see, feel and the lengths they go to be acknowledged.

“I Can’t Seem to Learn the Rules.” Sound familiar? As educators we often feel one step behind the pack. We can feel isolated, misunderstood and frustrated that we have to conform to what others think education is. This phrase was spoken by almost every one of the students I interviewed. Then, just as you think you have learned a few, “they go up and change them.” Right, very poignant and yet ironic. They feel the way most of us as educators do.

The following section is a combination of various phrases and descriptions they used to describe themselves in the realm of school and classroom life.

The Culmination of Behavior

I know I’m never going to change. The class is disrupted as soon as I arrive. I do not have shame. I have an aversion to discipline because it is arbitrary. I get blamed for everything. My friend is chewing gum, so is the popular kid, but only I have to spit it out. They are laughing, joking around and I am told to be quiet. It puts me in to a rage, it has to escape, and I act out. Every time. I know I am never going to change. But my teacher is never going to change either.

My brain, my thoughts, they’re on the edge of town, near the tracks, the ghetto, barrio, slums. No one ever wants to visit me. They are afraid of me. Give up on me. I am an outcast and for this, I have a confession- I want to bring my isolation to them, to the only venue I am allowed in, for any length of time. The quiet is dangerous, it let’s me think about what I don’t understand, what I don’t care about, what no one hears me trying to say. I can never leave the past behind, it drags behind me, scraping the ground- a constant reminder I don’t fit in.

You think I have had my lifetime to destroy this behavior, but its such a deep part of me I can’t stop now. I have no need to. Is anyone listening? You open your eyes and dream. I open mine and see chaos. I use it to destroy, to crumble and topple, so your day is like mine: a ghetto, barrio, slum. If you slow the train, look me in the eye with love not anger, welcome my opinion (as far off as it may be) not with a snicker but with a genuine admiration, maybe the devil in me would see it as a gesture and he would leave me for a bit. Let my curiosity lead me for a while. Can you do that?

Can you recognize my mind as not a scary place, but one just different than your own? Can you speak to me not with contention and resolute, but with understanding and respect? It’s not just words that leave scars, eyes say so much. Body language is louder, it is visual and often what we see hurts more than what we hear. It gets more permanent somehow in our psyche. So, stand tall, bury deep any animosity and hug me with your glance- this is the only way my shoulders can drop, my heartbeat will slow, and my mind will become focused. Isn’t that what you want?

Settle Down it Will all be Clear

Home by Phillip Phillips is a song that will resonate with you as an educator. I think this beautiful, poetic piece of music is the ultimate song, for every educator. Give it listen, like right now. It will make an impact. You should play it in the morning before you open your door. Play it during lunch, planning, after-school, all of the above. Let it be your empowerment, your battle cry.

So when your feathers are ruffled, you feel the need to sigh loudly, roll your eyes, send a student into the hall- these words remind you to- Settle down it will all be clear- momentarily you will find the mindfulness to continue and accept, forgive and smile.

We need to expect our students to misbehave, they are children after all. So, if we expect them to misbehave, we can be proactive- not with them- but with ourselves.

Home- Phillip Phillips

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along

Just know you're not alone
'Cause I'm going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone
'Cause I'm going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear

Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone
'Cause I'm going to make this place your home

A Walk on the Wild Side- A Year of Words, Stories, Reflection, Begins (1)

This is a reflection to myself. A tribute because we all need one of those every now and again. "Take these words and sing out loud, cause everyone is forgiving now, cause tonight's the night the world begins again" (Goo Goo Dolls)

You Cannot Step into the Same River Twice

Since the water is forever moving, ever carving out a natural route, it is only for an instant, stagnate. With each ripple comes weathering, erosion and ultimately deposition. A constant stirring of the forces of energy, gravity and yes, fate. For this beautiful stream can be dammed, redirected, polluted. But if left alone to gather rainfall and snow melt, it will replenish itself.

It will begin as a trickle, a pooling of clarity, translucence and reflection. It will create hydration, then slowly it will gather the energy to spout, spurt, and sequence, into a stream and then a river of such spirit and stamina, that it will provide the vibration to generate creativity. Sustain ingenuity and ignite curiosity. In 2020, I will dab my foot in many rivers and they will invigorate and galvanize me.

Step Up, Step Into, Step Away From

There is a lot of noise, no matter the shelter, it hums, vibrates, directs me. Some are horns of warning, others flashy advertisements. You can never silence them. If not auditory, they are indistinguishable instincts, noiseless triggers. I often step up and embrace them- let them direct me on how to think. I often step into the trend. It is essential that I do just that, step into the trend- so I know what ambiance surrounds me, so I can choose the milieu of my actions and adventures.

Climate is often dictated by the masses, yet weather by individual environs. So I must make sure to step away from the deluge and step into the effulgence. I may need an umbrella some days, sunscreen others but whether I venture outside my comfort zone is on me- step up, step into, step away from- that is based on my own personal cadence. I can hear the beat....starting to thump.

Baby Steps, Keep in Step With, Side Step

When the ritual begins, my routine ensures- baby steps protect me, they help me feel comfortable when I fear outcomes. In order to keep in step with the barrage of greatness, I often halt my steps- doubt, judge, retreat. Judgement is a silent killer. Most people do not shout out negativity or crash into me with their antagonism- however some do. It takes just one to crease my ever unfolding image of myself. Yet I alone control its distance. All paper gets a crease or two, ruffled edges. It is up to me to flatten out the crumpled corners and recognize the peaks in the middle, that were created because of them.

Some people need to side step the beaten path because they need to walk up the mountain, some need to stay in their own foot prints. This keeps us in ever conflict and struggle to keep in step with. Yet, I must recognize, I can never get in sync with the sprinters, the marathoners- when I am a walker. I have tried desperately to run and maintain a pace far out of my reach. I have kept my eyes on the numerous numbers flashing by. I became exhausted, had to lie down on the curb and simply watch the race.

Ultimately I discovered, I am alright with spectating as long as my course is always accessible to me. As long as there is an alternate route, I am not looking for a medal just a beautiful view. Baby steps to get here, I have side stepped the sprint, muted the relay and am only keeping up with my own event.

One Step Ahead, Out of Step

They, whomever they are, I only see them from the back, numbers embossed and shiny, are always one step ahead. It can make me feel out of step constantly, unless, I slow my gait, lockstep with my personal dash. I rarely run in place. I need to keep moving, it is a response to my Dyslexic brain on overdrive. A change of scenery is always good.

If I continue to focus on the bibs of the runners around me, I will miss the crowd along the route cheering me on. They cheer everyone on, yes, but I deserve the praise. I am staying in the competition. I am acknowledging my strength and my stamina head on. I might be behind the pack, but the finish line is still in my future.

But this finish line is temporary anyway. There are many races, many directions, many climbs ahead.

Let the sprinters be yards ahead, miles ahead, because that is where they choose to be. They will pause for water and I might surpass them temporarily. I might just take the lead on some curves and thoroughfares- but I must accept that maybe my endurance does not equal my determination. Don't confuse the ability to predict with the ability to control. Take it slow, no sudden moves, just walk- in that direction.

A Spring in your Step, Step Down, Step Right Up

Before your feet hit the floor, every morning, say your intentions, repeat them, own them. Close your eyes and envision a day full of possibility. Put a spring in your step, step down into the world. Drink it in. Like the river you dabble in, let it nourish and cleanse. Step right up...the world is your oyster. Just remember to keep looking for the pearl.

With You Every Step of the Way 

There is only one person who can be with you every step of the way. Yourself. Others may lift you up, others might darken your spirit. Seek the positive, supportive rafters, they will be floating by you momentarily. There are many, if you just remember to ask for help. Every night clear the clutter, remove the weight of envy and frustration. Every morning wake up with optimism and curiosity.

Watch your step, Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Every goal has limits. Especially if you put to much pressure on yourself to complete it. Goals are Getting Optimistic and Living Spiritually. Just remembering to look up every once in awhile. Not to get bogged down with the bibs, the numbers rushing by, but to see the weathering, erosion, and deposition that your many tributaries are shaping around you. Those forces are driven by you. Your gravity, your electricity, your weather patterns.

Lean in and let the river carry you, your raft might need a bit of repair at times, there are lots of boulders to bounce off of and rapids to ride, but eventually there is calm, tranquil waters- where you thrive. Until you paddle out in search of more rapids. You know this about yourself. Just float, propel, freestyle your way through the ripples.

You need the turbulence to keep you engaged. So welcome it and then prepare for the scrapes, cause the obstacles can get sharp. If you are prepared they will be shift marks that will stir you alive in times of stagnation.

Step up to the Plate, Step on the Gas- Let the Stepping Begin

There is a plate- the game is afoot. Pitches are thrown, base hits and home runs are swung. I know I will swing and hit many this year. I am not self-deprecating- I am self-realistic. I may doubt myself but I am also alive with optimism and positivity. That is what mindfulness is- not joy but awareness and the ability to accept every part of yourself and alter course as needed.

I recognize my beauty as well as my scars. I know I have as many strengths as I do faults. I have a gift of words, they find me in the whimsy and ether of prose. For this I am blessed. I will focus on these words in 2020 and not the response to them. Every day a journey, a loud, vivacious drum beat, all my own. A gentle current leading to an expeditious tide. I am seeking both.

I know I am not alone. I have a home- on so many levels and in so many locales. The biggest transition from 2019 to 2020 is a shift from the bracing for defeat, to the fortification of my watershed. Having plenty of aquifers, filled and ready to be brought to the surface. Having enough permeation to strengthen my resolve and determination and yet enough room for a little change in course of the surface water: the rivers, streams, waterfalls and giant lakes of calm. I am fluid, a liquidity that will balance me.

The stepping begins when this my panegyric offering is posted. This post begins not my victory march, but my daily chase. Not a scurry to the lead, or the rear. But my spot, the one that ebbs and flows with my strides - and there will be many- you'll see.