If you walk the Earth, alive and thriving, trying to control everything: interactions, expectations, and opinions- you are going to be very unhappy indeed. You can't control what others think of you. You can't control what other people say, or do, or think. We can't control the chaos and randomness of life. We can't make people think a certain way- convince them of something. On the surface they may follow our lead- but in their minds, what they truly believe, we can't mess with that. Deep down we are who we are, we control our thoughts and beliefs. Although people try to take that away from us.
Control is placing restrictions, claiming jurisdiction, regimentation and domination. It is taking away freedom, latitude and leeway. It feels powerful and mighty and influential- yet, really it is in our minds. Influence is fleeting. Effectiveness wanes, capacity weakens. Because control holds something back and eventually through transfer of energy, counterbalance and agitation- equilibrium is short lived. Words travel fast, imperfection is noticed and people make decisions based on the latest fad. Trends are flexible and fluid. So is control, in most situations.
Domineering someone might last awhile in some cases, but eventually most lose their stronghold eventually. We know sometimes this however, might be a situation unhealthy and dangerous- but in our classrooms, control is not fixed. As much as we want to think it is- it isn't.
Classrooms have been designed over the centuries to place control in the hands of the teacher and to take it away from students. Classrooms were shaped into well-disciplined, structured environments where learning was the focus. Then slowly they have transformed into collaborative atmospheres, although not all classrooms. Some remain very much a sage on the stage. Some remain a "I am in control" situation, that of the teacher. It might be a security blanket, or a protective barrier, but either way this illusion of control is still a desirable state of mind for many educators.
The thing is- we control ourselves. So, then all 32 + students in your classrooms, control themselves. We try to shape them and teach them how to better control their behavior- but that is ultimately a choice- not something we can control. Our students are individual, self-perpetuating, self-centered personalities- all we can do is try to grab their attention, engage them for 30-40 minutes and build relationships based on trust and respect. All the while teaching content, social skills, mindfulness and 21st Century Skills. Right? How can we possibly control anything more than our own actions?
Yet, many try. The "I control my classroom" is a goal many strive for. When really it should be "I have created an environment where things function in order to learn." Then you can accept the inevitable- things will go wrong. Students will act out, be loud, goof off, rough house and even- this is a tough one, not pay attention to directions. If you believe you have everything, every minute detail under control- you are simply deluding yourself. You don't.
But, if we accept the things we control- ourselves and our personality, attitude, response. If we believe in our students, to do the right thing and we accept that they can be guided to do the right thing- our classrooms will be much happier places. Choose to believe. This is the only thing you control. Homework might not get turned in, tests might be failed, behavior might alternate between compliant, engaged and down right annoying- BUT, all of it, every last expectation, interaction, and opinion all merge into your classroom energy. If you accept and generate mindful energy, patience, and understanding- your classroom energy will be positive.
The moment you break down- yell, say something disrespectful- treat a student unfairly, you have lost any control you thought you had. You lost their respect and trust. We can control our words, our facial expressions, our body language, our demeanor, our positivity, our genuine love to be where we are. I have heard teachers say "I hate this class." or "These kids are just awful and I can't wait to be rid of them." You know what- even if they don't hear you say this- they feel it. It you truly hate your students- maybe it is time to find a new profession. This is under your control.
Trust the process- believe in the community and above all else, accept what you can control and what you can't. That is never going to change. The only thing you can change is you, your expectations, interactions and opinions.
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