There are so many books written about happiness. How to find it- where to look, how to make yourself happy. There are self-help books, all about what you don't have, what you aren't, what you need to do, to better yourself. They even provide role models and influencers to guide us.
It's a perpetual cornucopia of this, that and the other. But, happiness, it's been said is fleeting. Dispersed between moments of bliss, contentment and struggle. We know pain so we can understand life. So we can see where our trials and tribulations lead us.
Happiness is a problem to solve. When we feel challenged, enlightened, eager to learn we set in motion an unraveling, a quest so to speak. Each stage of the quest monumental- it might feel inconsequential, but in our minds, these daily rituals, morning intentions, they matter.
The expansive conflicts and dilemma's we face in life- I mean the memorable, long-term stages we all go through, they are momentous. In the fact they need our attention, they beckon our actions- we often get stuck in them for extended periods of time. These are big problems. But solvable.
What to eat, what to wear. What to watch on television. These may seem trivial, but they add to the happiness gene pool because they are too, issues we must resolve. Decisions, choices, diversions- they also lead us to a level of acceptance and purpose.
We seek purpose- yearn for it. We look for concern and controversy because we are human and we need to keep our wits sharpened and our wills engaged. When we deal with circumstances and contend with argument- we feel our life energy hone.
Happiness is the result of hard work, reaching goals and just coping with simple issues of every day life. Doing nothing might be relaxing for a few minutes, but most of us find that we have to stay busy to feel content. We need to be evolving, clarifying and disentangling to feel satisfied.
So when I read the various books I do- I am a Buddhist, so I do read plenty of the Dali Lama, Thich Nhat Hahn and Pema Chondron- I am always looking for problems to solve. More often than not, however, I am reading alternative points-of-view. Writings that challenge my way of thinking. I even like to read self-help books to see how they may differ. All books make me understand myself a little bit better.
Recently, for myself, I have discovered, a need to build. Not to feel, but to construct. When I allow myself to look in the mirror and say 'today we will be happy, we will be calm," I have to stop myself. I can not will myself to be happy. Happiness is not a state of being, but rather a fluid motion of problem and resolution. I need to be an architect and a chef. Updating recipes and blue-prints.
When I read self-help books, I often stop midway through- they are all about what I lack. They are about becoming something I am not. Books within the Buddhist faith, tell us suffering is a part of life. We have to allow ourselves to feel suffering and pain. But they do not expect us to be miserable. They offer us a path- one of awareness.
Awareness is not happiness. It might be mindfulness, but happiness is a result of many things. Persistence, struggle and endurance. Failure, success and adventure.
When we let go of the comparison, the desire to fit in, the need to be something more than we are, we see glimpses of happiness. If we focus on what makes us not perfect, average- we get depressed because we fall short, of our expectations. Why? We set unreachable goals.
But, when we lie still, let the wave of consumerism and comparability flow over us- we see ourselves for what we are. We are not all geniuses, celebrities, experts or extraordinary. Most of us are average. Average is fantastic.Average means working hard and succeeding at most things we attempt. But we have come to see, being average, near the median, as imperfect. We see it through the lens of others, and thus, we feel unfulfilled when we fall within its margins.
I know unequivocally, I am average in most things. I am above average as an educator, and a good writer but nowhere near expert, in either of these. I am alright with this. I can only become expert, if I continue to work at it, which I will, and do every day. But, I accept who I am. I accept that I may never be expert. But I also believe in growth and that my friends is the problem.
The problem I wholeheartedly welcome.
Because, when I achieve daily 'points' -small incremental levels in my quest, happiness is approaching. When I am resolving issues, conquering fears, deciphering the codes of life- I am solving problems and this makes me feel good about myself.
And this is happiness. It is not constant nor indelible- but for me, it is reachable every day. Especially because of acceptance- striving and climbing, but knowing there are some things that will always be out of reach. I am meant for great things, maybe not perfection or fame, but definitely a happy life.
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