The Clouds are Darkening, Heaviness is in the Air (239)

It is hard to stay positive these days. There is so much to seize negativity about. To sit and dwell on what has been lost. To try to explain ourselves as teachers to those who do not understand out plight. So many judgments converging on social media about education. To open or not to open? How do we safely bring students back into the classroom?

As a teacher I have twice as much to do now. About 75 more students than I had last year. Class sizes up to 50. I have Full screens with tiny boxes of faces rather than physical interactions. The same lessons, taught in new ways- so lots of planning. A LMS that crashes or does not communicate with Google, or lags. 

I may be sitting most of the day in front of a computer screen, but it is twice as exhausting as teaching in a face to face setting. Not to mention eavesdropping parents and background distractions. Every movement becomes a flurry on the screen. It is a whirlwind class period every time. I enjoy being with my students, but with classes so big and distant it is difficult to make connections.

Yes we engage with each other, yes we laugh and tell stories. But with classes so large we all can't share or our entire class would just be sharing stories. But some days- that's what happens half the period- just so we can build a community. 

The sky outside is turning a very dark shade of gray. Rumbling is beginning and a hurricane is moving up the Gulf towards us. So we are teaching virtually from home, rather than in our classrooms. I had a bit of PTSD this morning, being in my home office- not in my classroom. It brought back all the hectic, disheartening memories of last spring and how I never got to say goodbye to my students.

Every day is an adventure that is for sure. We have to hunker down for the storm- figuratively and literally. 

There is a heaviness- it is hard to stay positive. But, most of the time I am. 

Just keep my eye on the prize: student engagement, student relationships and self care.

Repeat my mantra: Collisions, connections, fortitude. Just breathe.