Acceptance: Recognizing our Inner Strength

Growing up in my world of being bullied and teased relentlessly, created in me, a wall, too tall to traverse and too thick for sound to cross. This wall, still sturdy and impenetrable to many still casts a shadow over my personality. I go about my daily life sometimes forgetting it is there. Then situations arise where I retreat behind it afraid that others will not accept or appreciate my ideas. It is a human need to belong to something bigger than ourselves, family, friends, colleagues provide us these opportunities. Often, however, as individuals we can not find the level of comfort needed to let them in. To let them see the truth behind the curtain.

As a child, I always felt like the Wizard of Oz, or Willie Wonka, never Dorothy or Charlie. Many asked things of me, expecting me to deliver. But many just took with little regard of my feelings or needs. I knew I had something special, I knew I had ideas and creative thoughts, but being isolated behind the curtain and in the chocolate factory, forced me into a role of frustration and doubt. It was not until my teenage years did the curtain part and the gates open letting in friends to help me find my true calling.

Today, on Twitter or Voxer, even with my blog, I fear that people will not read it or even care what I have to say. I participate in some chats where many respond and collaborate with me, these I go to every week. But others, I try to communicate with others, but no one responds, my Tweets just fall between the cracks. I get frustrated and then just doubt myself and retreat. It takes reflection and reading the transcripts of the chat to often discover, that I just was not clear in my thoughts, or that there were so many tweets that mine just did not stand out. Other times, I just don't click with the participants.

As a child, I never stood out. I was a wallflower, shy and introverted. I never wanted to be noticed for fear of being bullied again. As an adult, unfortunately that still lingers. But, I do step out and I do trust my own voice. I recognize the insecurities in others and help them to find their voice. I seek opportunities to step out in front and take-risks and challenge myself. I do not want to stand behind the microphone and convince others my way is best. I merely want to be an advocate for change. I want to create a safe place where students and colleagues can share ideas and learn from one another.

I think feeling valued and respected as an educator, colleague and friend is what allows all of us to feel accepted. Everyone wants to belong. Everyone wants to know that they have a positive contribution to share with others and most importantly that others will listen and support them. Everyone wants to feel appreciated and respected. Being accepted calms our fears and lets us participate and be creative.

Acceptance to me is not the big things but the little things we encounter daily. Eye contact, a smile, positive feedback, engaging conversations. My biggest hurdle is accepting my own faults and my own strengths as those I alone control. That feeling accepted must also come from within. Trusting yourself to recognize those people who lift you up and steer clear of those who don't.