Once More With Feeling: Our Need to Belong: The Struggles of Childhood and Adulthood

Growing up in my world of being bullied and teased relentlessly, created in me, a wall, too tall to traverse and too thick for sound to cross. This wall, still sturdy and impenetrable to many still casts a shadow over my personality. I go about my daily life sometimes forgetting it is there. Then situations arise where I retreat behind it afraid that others will not accept or appreciate my ideas. It is a human need to belong to something bigger than ourselves, family, friends, colleagues provide us these opportunities. Often, however, as individuals we can not find the level of comfort needed to let them in. To let them see the truth behind the curtain. I see this every day with students. The uncertainty of will I be popular, will I be teased? In fact it still haunts many adults.

As a child, I always felt like the Wizard of Oz, or Willie Wonka, never Dorothy or Charlie. Many asked things of me, expecting me to deliver. But many just took with little regard of my feelings or needs. I knew I had something special, I knew I had ideas and creative thoughts, but being isolated behind the curtain and in the chocolate factory, forced me into a role of frustration and doubt. It was not until my teenage years did the curtain part and the gates open letting in friends to help me find my true calling. Making sure students have a safe haven to take-risks without judgment is key to making sure they will. Peer acceptance often being the underlining reason as to why many students stay in the safe zone. But with a little prodding we can get them to jump into the deep end. We just need to model failure and let students see it is good to struggle that is where growth blooms from.

Today, on Twitter or Voxer, even with my blog, I fear that people will not read it or even care what I have to say. I participate in some chats where many respond and collaborate with me, these I go to every week. Often though in the larger chats, I try to communicate, but no one responds, my Tweets just fall between the cracks. I get frustrated and then just doubt myself and retreat. It takes reflection and reading the transcripts of the chat to often discover, that I just was not clear in my thoughts, or that there were so many tweets that mine just did not stand out. Other times, I just don't click with the participants. Students walk around every day replaying conversations they have had or strange looks they get. They internalize as much as we do and I try to set a good example by sharing my insecurities to let them know we all feel that way but we still have to face these fears head on or we will never grow and mature.

As a child, I never stood out. I was a wallflower, shy and introverted. I never wanted to be noticed for fear of being bullied again. As an adult, unfortunately that still lingers. But, I do step out and I do trust my own voice. There are good days where the negativity just flows off of me and I do not internalize it, while there are other days where it sticks top me, soaking me through to the bone. Lingering for days. I recognize these insecurities in my students and help them to find their voice. I seek opportunities to step out in front and take-risks and challenge myself. I do not want to stand behind the microphone and convince others my way is best. I merely want to be an advocate for change. I want to create a safe place where students and colleagues can share ideas and learn from one another. I hesitate to share sometimes for fear of being the one getting the strange looks in the hallway, I know I am misunderstood but the reason I became a teacher was to make a difference in every students life and this I do relentlessly. I may be afraid of rejection, I have few friends, but I always do what is best for my students.

I think feeling valued and respected as an educator, colleague and friend is what allows all of us to feel accepted. Everyone wants to belong. Everyone wants to know that they have a positive contribution to share with others and most importantly that others will listen and support them. Everyone wants to feel appreciated and respected. Being accepted calms our fears and lets us participate and be creative. However, I have come to find out that no matter what you do, some people will not like you, others will try to keep you down. People will spread rumors and talk behind your back. Words are only self-destructive if you let them become so. Find your voice and make sure it is louder then the rest. The din will keep you focused. You can not crush the flow of a river, it is powerful and its current shifting but you can surrender to it and harness its power and use it for your own purpose. That is my goal. Use the energy to continually look inward and reflect and become a stronger educator.

Acceptance to me is not the big things but the little things we encounter daily. Eye contact, a smile, positive feedback, engaging conversations. My biggest hurdle is accepting my own faults and my own strengths as those I alone control. That feeling accepted must also come from within. Trusting yourself to recognize those people who lift you up and steer clear of those who don't. I have found an amazing PLN on Twitter and Voxer and daily these wonderful eduheroes have shown me the path to positivity. I am truly blessed for that. I have an amazing friend who everyday reminds me of my intentions, vision and goals and this is what I take home with me every day. We do not know what kind of night our students have had, is their home life unstable? Did they not get enough sleep? We need to embrace them fully no matter the mood we are in or the attitude they may carry in with them. I was misunderstood because no one took the time to look at things from my point of view. Daily I ask questions and listen. Truly listen because all the answers are right in front of us if we just slow down and get to know our students.