I have a difficult time sometimes finding balance between my personal and professional life. During the summer, a time for many to let loose and let go is often a time for me to jump into PD and Twitter chats. I keep up with my #blog365, I have for nearly a year, but now after a month in to summer break, with little rest, I am feeling very overwhelmed. Not with any one aspect of social media per se, I am just feeling unfulfilled. When I feel like my time is not valued, I feel like giving up. Retreating. This I know is a state of mind, a temporary setback. This exhaustion is felt by many teachers as they strive for perfection even in the off hours, because there really are no off hours. As educators we see strategies and opportunities everywhere for growth and improvement. I have never been an outgoing person, yet on Twitter I put myself out there. I do not have many friends, not close anyway, because I grew up very isolated and self-entertained and these traits have carried over into adulthood. Unfortunately though, being bullied and outcast for the majority of my school years has caused my skin to be thinner then I would like. On the outside I smile, remain mindful and purposeful, but on the inside I am screaming at the top of my lungs. After a few rounds of self-doubt, we all just lose sight of the positive impact of what we do. Every one just wants to belong and when we feel we don't, as much as one may strive to be happy, we lose our joy and become deflated.
Social media can be addicting. I just read a great article in BBC Focus Magazine, titled "Do
Social Networks Make Us Anti-social? " At first it seems obvious that if our noses are pointed towards our electronic devices, then our eyes are not focused on those around us and as such our personal interactions may suffer. What I found the most interesting though, is that there are different results for different personality types. Social interactions can be taxing, staying engaged and present 100% takes a lot of effort. Social butterflies adapt to this with ease both in personal and on social media. They seek it, sending Instagram pictures and Tweeting constantly. However, they lose sight often of personal interactions focusing more on the rewards of likes and comments. While, control freaks on the other hand, often depend on social media because you have complete control over your on-line presence. As the article explains "this satisfies an underlying process the brain engages in known as 'impression management' where were constantly compelled to present the best possible image of ourselves to others, in order to make them more likely approve of us." I must admit, I fall in to this trap as well. When people do not respond the way we expect it feels like a kick in the gut, even on social media. When I begin to care about how many like I get, it is time to step away.
The social cues we witness and experience in life, through eye contact, facial expressions and the sound of a persons voice are all absent from social media. This can cause a false sense of security because, anonymity brings forth the freedom to be mean or unprofessional. I have found this not to be the case with most educators, although I have run in to a few who were not pleasant. But, I think that in this, my social media inaugural year, I have grown more as an educator then I did in all my years of college, my Master's too. Twitter and blogging have spiraled me into a world of risks and failures, leaps forward and reflection and ultimately they have helped me create a student-centered classroom, a mindful learning space and most importantly they have given me the confidence to share my story. So if it has been such a positive journey, why am I feeling so discouraged? This is something I will have to reflect on, meditate on. But, it has not deterred me from yet another chat #teachmindfulbooks starting tomorrow a book chat on two amazing books on mindfulness. While also keeping up with #teachmindful and #StuCentClass both weekly and slow chats. These make me joyful, even when no one responds, I know I got my ideas out there.
Joy comes from a positive outlook and this has not changed. I am mindful of the lack of balance, working on that, a new goal, find balance. Also stress has creaped in, and I am going to take a step back from the #tagging and just write and just Tweet and if anyone out there in the Twitter universe wants to respond they will. When we seek approval and acceptance, we always come up short. When we step away from this need to belong and just Be, the reason we are doing what we are doing presents itself. I joined social media not for recognition but to learn. This is my renewed mission: to learn, share my ideas, there are people who are listening, and focus on the growth. The rest will fall into place.
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