Striking Up a Conversation with Students

I have five children, all various ages, each with vastly different personalities. Much like students, beginning a conversation with them, at least an ongoing one takes some finesse. If I just jump in, they pull away. If I am too coy, they lack enthusiasm and just trail off topic within a minute or so. I generally commence a chat by just saying their name and asking them a question. "Hello, son of mine, Gabrial, what cha doin'?" This can instigate two results: one, he actually looks up from his device, smiles and says "hello mirm," his nickname for me, or he says fine, nothing and continues battling whatever he is trying to conquer in his game. So through out the teenage, technology era, I have resorted to beginning all my conversations with my children, "Please step away from the device, all tray tables must be stored in their locked and upright positions." Then "eye contact, please." Finally, after a little push back, they are focused on what I have to say. Today, while out to lunch as a family, three noses were in their phones, only my youngest not having a device was coloring. Technology strikes again. When it came time to order, I had to say the immortal words, as previously shared. Pulling them out of the digital world into the finite one is challenging. But in a classroom at least, I do not have their devices to contend with. Just their attention spans.

I have learned over the years though that there are three main types of verbal discussions I have with students. Each bringing with it a different challenge. The one-minute check in's the first week of school- awkward. They are uncomfortable and in rapid succession so they have very little time to open up and feel natural talking to me. We make eye contact, introduce ourselves, where we are from, our interests. By the end of the week, I have jotted down some notes on every student. Over-time, quite quickly actually, these check in's become second nature and they plop down across from me almost like a friendship and we share just about everything. Its awesome. But this doesn't answer the question: How do you strike up a conversation with students? After week one, a week of social chats and getting to know one another you would think it would be easy. But, it is still challenging. Before a conversation can form, trust and respect have to be in place and this takes a few weeks to build through one-on-one conversations, sitting at group tables and just shooting the breeze and most importantly sharing lots of stories and anecdotes about my life. The more I am honest, humorous and humble with them showing both vulnerability and resilience the faster these bonds form. I act a bit crazy and quirky day one. They see me as human and not as a teacher. We begin everything from where desks will be placed, how the classroom will be organized and designed and even lessons and activities together, showing them early on that the classroom is a collaborative not an autocracy.

If I take a few notes on each student: dislikes, likes, passions, do they play an instrument, sport or video game, then I have the tools to break through their defenses. They all have them, walls of "I really prefer not to have to communicate with an adult." But, if I do not take on the power role, or behave like a traditional teacher, they ease to my presence much faster. This is not to say I do not come off as authoritarian, because trust me, the fear is there, but I rarely have to fluff my feathers. They understand I am boss. But, they also appreciate the freedom and independence, respectful and motivated behavior gets them. Awkward conversations become open, high energy chats because I know them and they know me and we can banter about comic books or TV shows. They love to tell me all about the books they are reading, because they know I am a ferocious reader. We talk a lot about science, all aspects of science, because they know I am a science geek so they ask me lots of great questions and these turn into awesome activities and lessons.

Striking up that initial conversation is definitely difficult. They do not want to look me in the eye, let alone have to say something to me. They do not know me yet. But, after the initial 1-minute check in, it becomes easier and they smile when I ask them about something they do not remember revealing in our last exchange. It shows I care when I make connections to our former parley's. Then they begin to remember little things I said and they ask me questions about Dr. Who, my favorite show and growing up in California etc. Its pretty cool once the wall crumbles. Now this wall stays upright for longer, for many students. I have to basically tear it down brick by brick with a few, but eventually every student feels comfortable talking to me every week. Eye contact is key, modeling listening skills is important and then responding with interest is the kicker. Once they have seen these in action, had many conversations with me and with one another, even the quietest of students is making eye contact and interacting with their peers with ease. We have to start somewhere, once the first strike occurs, the rest are easy.