Overwhelmed Much? (80)

I feel like I'm out of phase. Like nothing appears crisp and life-like. A constant dream state. I listen, watch as others fret in the store, as they look at empty shelves. Cars seems to change lanes a bit too quickly. Yet, things seems slow. It is like a Looney-Tunes cartoon, but the picture is wobbly and hazy. Like the antennae of our youth. I want to stand up and walk over to the show - being broadcasted- this current event and readjust the signal.

I feel in control of myself, protecting my family. But outside these four walls- I feel things are slipping- like melting wax on the side of a candle. The stick disappearing, the wick well below its threshold. Slippage, a vanishing of societal norms. It is only beginning. Bored teenagers have started the ruckus. They are bored and myopic, and it is a loud reminder things aren’t normal.

Today was overwhelming. I was allowed in my classroom during 9-11am and I used the opportunity to enter my room and gather supplies: home-schooling for my child, paper products and cleaning supplies. Hand-sanitizer of all things.

It didn’t feel strange to be there, at first, it felt almost like it was summer. But when I entered and left, I had to sign in and out and there were reminders over the intercom of the remaining time we had left in the building. It began to feel surreal very fast. I saw a few teachers, they waved and scurried down the hallway. But it was mostly empty.

Then I went to a Neighborhood Walmart. It wasn’t very busy, but everyone was wearing masks and gloves. A lot of the shelves were bare. But we were lucky they had just restocked meat and cheese. No paper products. But alas, my classroom was a goldmine there. Few cars on the road during peak travel time. Pouring rain. It felt eerie and disconcerting. I couldn’t wait to get home.

I try to keep the news to a minimum. Read, write and just be with my family.

We had our first Zoom meeting where we got the lay out of our distance learning. That hit home in a big way. We will be distance learning for some time to come, I anticipate. I hate uncertainty and well, I am in the middle of an uncertainty nightmare. All we can do is wait and see.