Reality 101: A Course in Observation (86)

This happened this morning. I had convinced myself that every thing would be normal. Feel normal. But, it wasn't.

Components of the Course

There is an underlying anxiety and an overt sense of self-preservation. It looms heavy over us. As we pull into the parking lot, its merely empty, as I anticipate most of the shelves will be. Carts are left askew- as if somehow putting them back would mean contagion.

Red tape is adhered to the concrete, at 6 foot intervals across the front of the store, on the sidewalk. A red glinting reminder, in the light of dawn.

Visual scurrying and quick-paced shuffles to and from vehicles. Drivers deciding whether or not to remain in their cars until the doors open. The sight, reminds me of bugs scattering as you lift a rock.

Piles of discarded gloves by the, not full, trashcans. As if putting them in would mean infection. The consternation is palpable. It's sitting in the air like an invisible fog. For if it was an actual fog, it wouldn't feel so eerie.

A line forms at the end of the scuttle. The doors aren't open yet, for the masses, and the cue is fifteen strong. It doesn't feel like a line, it is vast, spread across the parking lot. Giant, yet manageable increments of space, of yes you guessed it- 6 feet. A young girl bounces out of her car, walks with ease, earbuds in, joining the end of the line. She emanates care free. The juxtaposition is stunning.

An older woman, turns and shouts at her, loudly for everyone to hear "6 feet." She doesn't hear her, but definitely feels the visual shock wave. She steps back a few feet and the elderly woman, points a finger at her, then turns back around.

I witness this as I am crossing the parking lot with my husband. We are dropping my son off at work, a local grocery store. We decided since it was opening time to try and find a few things. The doors pop open and an employee waves us in. People hesitate a moment.

Making sure the line dissipates in an orderly way. Not coming too close to one another. My husband and I dare not breach- feeling like if we did, we would get the same pointing finger and shout of discipline- so we watch for a moment till the fog clears.

Objectives

Eye contact, if made is returned with a silent "What are you looking at?" Face masks and gloves are the norm. If you are not donning - the evil eye lurks about at every angle. You feel it on the back of your neck from 6 feet away.

We grab a cart and enter the nearly empty store. At least 1/3 of the shelves are bare. Employees are at the registers, masked and gloved- behind newly assembled plastic guards. Now employee and customer have an extra barrier of protection. An extra layer of separation.

Each check out has a bottle of hand-sanitizer. The eagerly awaited, almost priceless, commodity. The employees seem nervous. They are fidgety. My son takes his place, at the end of a scanner and awaits his first round of bagging.

We had a grocery list, we stuck to it. No paper or cleaning products available to be purchased. But, we found some frozen meals, cheese and milk. Two things of bread- the limit. 1 thing of frozen chicken- the limit. Yet, soda and candy is fully stocked. We opted not to impulse buy. We stuck to the necessities.

It is almost quiet, in a grocery store, at 8:00 in the morning. It feels surreal. As I am standing at checkout- the manager is putting up a sign- Now Hiring. I think to myself, I hope those who lost their jobs hear about this. But, I know many won't want to work at a grocery store. But, I hope they do. These will stay open no matter what, so they hold many job opportunities.

As we drive home, we are quiet. I watch the traffic, a little too fast for my taste. But I know teenagers are restless. They need to blow off steam and speeding down the road is their way of taking control. We are all looking for control- to feel empowered. Some are lashing out- being rude. Some are hoarding. Some are Amazon junkies- I know I am. Some are venturing out, while others are quarantining.

Assessments

At times things feel normal. But leaving my house, which I rarely do- brings with it a sense of anxiety, I don't have at home. I get stressed and overwhelmed and then choose to filter my intake of information.

I get overstimulated and choose to meditate and read. Just distance myself from the distancing. But, then I go to the store, early in the morning, and the film of agitation and dismay covers me.

Today at 2:00 Governor Abbott had a press conference. New executive orders, new restrictions. Potential for extending school closures. Anticipation of more to come.

Today has been answering questions for my students, responding to reflections and setting up lessons for next week. Keeping busy, keeps me sane.

It is hard to transition between being a teacher, an educator, a mom, a wife. I usually am here, there and everywhere. Busy, busy, busy. Now the hustling is within isolation. Feels strange.

Reality 101- talk about your feelings with someone. We are not emotionless, packages of flesh and blood. We are impassioned, sensitive and at times of stress- we can be impulsive and irrational.

I witnessed this today within the sixty minutes I was exposed to the 'outside world.' 6 feet away and the fervent, fiery vibes were pulsating. It is going to be this way for awhile.

But if we return the evil eye with a smile- as I did. Maybe it will ease the fear a bit. Without a mask I was able to smile at others. Most looked at me and smiled back, I could tell under their mask they were smiling. Mindfulness is so important right now. Forgiveness is so important right now. People are going to act in very strange ways in reaction to a very unique situation.

Instructional Strategies

So be patient and remember to breathe. Ventilate your feelings to someone. Stay connected. Play. Realize that every moment of your time does not need to be consumed with Covid-19 and education. Take a break.

The guilt can be heavy- as educators we feel we aren't there for our students- we feel empty not being in our classrooms. But, we need to focus on what we have- platforms to interact, our mindful spirit and our resolve. This resolve is going to keep us powering through.

Thank you to the medical professionals who are relentlessly fighting this invasion. To the retail employees who are working to keep our supplies accessible, even if they are dwindling. Thank you to the parents for supporting educators and working together to make sure your children are learning.

To all the people out there who are doing small things- like coloring positivity art on neighborhood sidewalks- so children can take walks and be reminded of kindness and joy. To those who are sending out posts of hope and community.

This is what we need to focus on- what we can do. Not what we can't. Reality 101- most things are out of our control these days. Reality 101- not everything is out of our control. Find those things and stay positive and spread mindfulness- every single act of kindness matters.