Forgiveness is like iron in our blood. It circulates, it nourishes, it binds to the oxygen we breathe. We have all experienced moments of dread, anger, frustration, empathy, sadness and pure joy. We have all entered the flow willingly, even though we know there is a tidal wave up ahead. We have geared up with a life jacket, wet suits and tanks of oxygen, knowing that some days we may need to SCUBA dive, others we might be forced to ride the wave.
Yet, we don ourselves with the equipment to stay afloat. We sink some days, far below the surface. We stand amongst the seagrass, looking up at the darkness. Other days we may start the descent and the current pushes us up. The current saves us. Most days we are sitting on our surf boards, feet dangling in the calm water- seeing shore, but not wanting to paddle towards it. We like the open sea. We embrace the ripples, eager to wait for the next opportunity to enter the curl.
The holidays is such a curl. The sparkly, iridescent flourish of activity. The cards, the smiles, the gifts. The excitement of students as they enter the season of family and presents. You can feel the positive, joyful spirits. But underneath for some, is a gloom. The festivities are huge for many, and minuscule for some. So a smile and "see you next year", might not seem as happy for them, or merry. For many being excluded from the gift sharing is painful.
The buzz is lit and many are discussing wish lists, family vacations (yes even in Covid). Others are retreating, saddened by their lack of thereof. So it is important for us to make contact with everyone. Ask them about what they need from us. Ask them if they want to borrow a book (yes, I lent out several personal copies), and even open up a bag of candy canes and offer them to whomever wants one.
I was saddened greatly by an experience my ten year old encountered in his class. A group of boys and a group of girls each decided to do a secret Santa. They included almost all of the students in the class- but apparently they voted to not include my son. My sweet, outgoing, loving son. Only one other girl was excluded. They shared their gifts on Friday in class in front of my son and this other little girl.
Needless to say- it made them both very sad. I can not speak about the excluded little girl- but my son was devastated. When he got in the car- these were his first words- after a day that should have been fun and full of holiday cheer- "At least I have my family." I said "What? What happened?" and he told me the story. If it wasn't bad enough that he was excluded- he asked one of the boys why and they told him "It was a close vote but the group decided to not include you, sorry."
Now kids are cruel. That was mean spirited and just plain old awful. I want to yell and scream at everyone of them. If they wanted to exclude anyone- they should have exchanged gifts, outside of school. So I am more upset at the teacher. Did she know? I certainly hope not. But when she saw this unfolding- she should have stopped it, seeing that two students were not included in the festivities.
I cried. I got home and cried. Privately of course. I did not want my son to see me break down. But, I cried because of the same mean-spirited, selfish, disgusting circumstances I was subjected to. I cried for my sons whose spirit was crushed. I remember the cruelty of this happening to me on Christmas, Valentines Day and at the end of the year. I was always excluded and my teachers never did anything to stop it.
The holidays are not joyful for all. All I can say as an educator look for these situations. As a parent, make sure your child knows you love them and just hug them a lot. Remind them of why they are spectacular and beautiful human beings. Have the conversation with them about inclusivity and acceptance and let them know- not everyone does get included. For no other reason than some kids are just mean. For no other reason other than ignorance and selfishness.
Then tell them humans are kind and generous. That humans are loving and giving. That humans are worth getting to know. That humans are forgivable. We have to forgive and move on. Family is important and friends are important but- the way you believe in yourself and show yourself grace and hope is the most important thing of all.
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