Thursday, October 27, 2016

Not My Child: A Parents Blinders Need to be Lifted

I have four children at home. A week does not go by that I am not getting communication from one of their teachers. Usually about homework never about behavior. As a teacher myself, I have instilled proper behavior in my children. Academics have always been at the forefront of our family discussions and this has always been the most important thing to my family: education. But alas, as with many children mine get lazy and neglectful. I get emails, calls, and even visits, one of my sons attends the school at which I work, in regards to this matter. I am never happy. I always address it and they get their missing assignments completed quickly and turned in for late grades.

What I do not do, is blame the teacher. My children over the years have had amazing, dedicated, insightful teachers, and eager, motivated teachers, and alas disengaged teachers. But never has the grade of my child been the result of teacher competence and friendliness. I have teacher conferences, I accept the teacher for what they are and guide my children passed any hurdles this lack of interest on their part may cause. But, I never blame the teacher. When a parent says "Not my child, it is the teachers fault." I take offense because there are no perfect students, children or teachers. The lack of success is rarely entirely the teachers fault.

I have a 1st grader, he likes to talk. He is smart and funny, but he likes to communicate with his peers. Every day he comes home with a yellow or frown on his comment card because his behavior is not obedient and quiet. I set up a conference, his teachers words, "I like a quiet and obedient class. They must sit still, not fidget, and look forward at all times." Seriously, they are 1st graders. This was the moment I chose not to say "My child is perfect, this is your fault." or "Not my child, he never talks out of turn." Instead I chose to take the higher ground, "I will discuss with my son the value of following directions." This I do every morning before he gets out of the car. Less yellow and frowns more greens and smiles. BUT usually a comment about how he fidgeted today.

Let the little things go. As a parent accept the fact that your child is not perfect nor would you want them to be. Always talk about proper behavior but understand that a 6 year old is going to fidget. Understand that a high school student will get lazy and not turn in homework. That an 8th grader will get lazy and not complete assignments but with some redirection and a firm talking to they will get back on track. Do not blame the teacher for every mishap. Do not hold the teacher responsible for your child's laziness, I don't. I know my children do not love all of their teachers and that a lack of relationship and respect from their teachers can and often does lead them astray. But as adults we have to endure boredom and people we do not necessarily like every day. I have taught my children that that is no excuse. Overcome and be successful in spite of obstacles and barriers.

Parents need to lift the blinders. Everything that goes wrong in school is not the teachers fault. If you fight every battle for your child they will never learn to be independent. They need to understand the task of learning falls in their laps, that hopefully they will have engaging and enthusiastic teachers but if not always do their best not for you or for their teacher but for themselves.

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