Confidence is One Thing....:Snip It #14

Confidence is temporary. It is both dependent on comfort level and task. We may be over-confidant, due to past experiences, or under-confident, because we have heard tales, of how hard something might be. It all comes down, to mind over matter. Belief over doubt. Personal determination and motivation over fear. I have heard the term, growth mindset, more than I can count. Rigor and grit, too. But, those words mean nothing to me. True confidence does not come from words of wisdom or even past experiences alone- it comes from a moment, a cascade of reasoning, that trumps doubt. It may be sudden, like an avalanche, with long term effects, buried under the weight of inaction (snow), or create a fresh surface, from which to tackle your goals. But, it can also make itself known, in a conservative, reserved timeline- slowly edging you toward your goal. Baby steps over one giant landslide.

We often compare ourselves to those we know, based on assumptions. For instance, that educator has it all figured out, they are so amazing, I am sure everything is easy for them. I know I read posts and blogs of fabulous teachers, every day. Many to me are heroes. They are experts and I only dream, of being an expert in my field. They say 10,000 hours of doing something in particular, makes you an expert at it. If you look at typical hours of teaching- give or take- 15 years at 174 days x 7 hours a day (roughly speaking of course) that means for me 18,270 hours. Well within the range of this, so called "expertise," but seriously, confident or not, me an expert? Not even close. I would I ever claim to be. But as educators, most of us feel the same way. It is the journey towards expertise, that keeps us moving forward.

Confidence leads me to better myself. Humility shows me my flaws, and I have many. I dig in to an idea, tweak it and prod it until it works. I find it hard to let things go. I am a loner, preferring not to plan as a team, although I am required to. My biggest flaw, self-doubt. I need reassurances, reinforcement, sometimes. This backfires, as I tend to get micro-bursts of feedback, rather than meaningful and relatable strategies. I, like every other person on this planet, am continually comparing myself to others. I am too hard on myself and I say, that lack of support and negativity doesn't bother me- but of course it does. I am taking a deep, concentrated look at myself. I reflect on this a lot. But, still I doubt. All I can do is recognize this in myself and work through it. I lack confidence some days and it engulfs me in others. I see this fluctuation, not as a barrier or speed bump, but a mirror, causing me to look at myself differently.

Confidence is one thing....how I embrace my strength and fear is another. Even on those darkest of days, where just interacting with others is a chore, we have confidence. How do we know? We get up, put on our shoes, one at a time, get in the car, and walk into our classrooms. We choose, every day, to go be educators. Belief in the big picture, the relationships, the growth, the change, the joy- that is our confidence and that above all else, is what makes any educator an expert.